Sunday, July 30, 2017

If You Have to Get Married, Do It the Country Way at Country Thunder

After Day Two's incredible happenings, it was hard to imagine that Day Three of Country Thunder could get any better. But by only 1 p.m., the day has already seen the penultimate of weddings: hillybilly, Country Thunder style.

The invitation read: "You are cordially invited to the biggest event in Country Thunder history – the union in holy matrimony of Mr. Billy Badass [and] Ms. Gognwow. Bring your red solo cup (BYOB) and a friend."

On Milwaukee:  Country Thunder hosted the ultimate hillbilly hitch-up

Note:  the author seems confused about ultimate / penultimate and the latter is the thing which happens before the ultimate thing.

So we grabbed a golf cart and headed for the campgrounds. First, I have to say, the mud out there was beyond the mother of all mud – at least six inches thick, slimy, sloppy and very likely mixed with manure. Not exactly the scene you'd picture for much beyond … well, nothing.

We arrived at Team Ramrod's campground and were mesmerized by the transformation of the campground into a wedding chapel. They'd erected a canopy, and someone had built a small chapel. Just really cool. The aisle was about 12-feet worth of Bud Light cases.

- OM

When it's a place Kendall Jenner would never go, you know you're in the right place for a hillbilly wedding ... or any wedding, for that matter.

The bride was walked down the aisle by a friend. Her dress was short and white. She, of course, wore cowboy boots. Her veil was adorned with Bud Light bottle caps and Bud Light cans. Her bouquet – complete with red, white and blue streamers – was a creative configuration of Bud Light cans. I mean, come on, how can you not love this couple?

- OM

Ed:  so low class

Zen Yogi:  one shows true class by having no class

Booboo:  I'm hungry, Yogi

Zen Yogi:  let's go to Country Thunder, Booboo.  They probably roasted a hog and that's even better than fried chicken.

The bride and groom shared very … creative vows, which included the groom declaring that, prior to about a week ago, he didn't know what a [expletive] vow was. He did, though, go on to swear to be the greatest man to the bride and her family, and that he'd be there through the best and scariest of times. There were, of course, appropriately off-color references about unmentionables.

The bride went on to say that her groom far surpassed any dreams she had of her man. Through tears she said, "I was sinking, and you kept me afloat and accepted me for the trashiest [expletive] that I am." After the requisite kiss of the bride, the groom threw her over his shoulder and carried her back down the aisle.

- OM

That's why Harley Davidson exists.

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