Friday, July 28, 2017

It's Not Anger in the Rockhouse but Equanimity #Paxil

If I were angry, I'd be destroying some shit and most likely starting with every damn thing around me because I have a bit of a temper, see, and the answer for anything in a temper is to fuck some shit up, right?  I sure did fuck some shit up too.  There's zero comedy in this since it was nothing more than mindless violence.

It's been many years since that was true but there are different solutions for uncontrolled anger and the wrong one was tried first since that's when they said I had to get the Paxil.

That experience is a large part of why I'm loath to take prescription medicine because, in effect, Paxil puts a bucket over your head.  Whatever bandwidth your mind may use is heavily-clipped (i.e. kills the highs and lows) with the result of passivity with productivity, the Golden Ideal of the Western Worker.

The objective of productivity was the thing which struck me most of all about every effort in therapy whether chemical or verbal.  The most important thing was to get back to productivity.

Zen Yogi:  the most important thing is to find a balance with life or productivity is meaningless

Now I know this, Zen Yogi, but back then I needed to solve a problem I didn't understand.

- Infer lengthy editorial on nothing else matters when everything focuses on work and productivity -

After some time I rejected the Paxil as a poor solution and the most telling is it was killing for initiative in anything from intellectual to sexual.  It's not that I didn't give a fuck ... but I still didn't give a fuck.

Probably my language may have been better in terms of the Seven TV Words but it likely wouldn't have grown and some you may not dig it so much but I love finding words I don't know since they expand my tiny Universe in their unique ways.

Note:  mephitic is the latest favorite since it refers something which smells so foul even a dog won't eat it.  It's like noxious but even nastier.

Also:  this is what Paxil did to me.  I have no idea what it will do to you and maybe it would even work.  Good luck as I am not Tom Cruise, I don't jump on sofas, and Scientology is still a cult.

Smoking the ganja wasn't immediately the solution either since it was quite a few years before I smoked it again and, even then, not that much.  I was still heavily-infused with the vibe of productivity is everything and that led to about ten years of king hell crazy.  It looked good on paper but it was demonic.

It took about a decade and then my life finally disintegrated but the ganja triumphantly reentered.  Since that time there has been vastly improved equanimity regarding the patent absurdity in the news but so many variables have changed it's impossible to identify ganja as the basis for it.

A distinct variable is drug consumption now is higher than it's ever been in my life.  There's no chance I could have escaped detection if I had stayed stoned constantly and I don't care if it's detected now.  I don't do the nefarious mix of drugs I have sampled in the past but the stonin' just don't stop.  If'n I'm awake, I'm buzzin' (unless I have to go to the market ... so I do that early and then I can get to buzzin').

Ed:  you're addicted

Even if true, so what.  If there's anything humans do well, it's get addicted to things and chocolate is a huge favorite in America.

Ed:  doesn't mean it's good for you

True but anger is immediately worse and obsession is just living death.

That disintegration in my standard model life led to the current state of Less is More which is about as blissful as life gets and it tells me all the more Zen Yogi is right that finding the life balance outweighs all other things, particularly productivity.

There was an article on Ithaka some days ago about buying happiness by using your money to buy free time rather than material acquisitions and that has had thoughts going ever since.  (Ithaka:  Using Money to Buy Time Linked to Increased Happiness #Science #Psychology #Wellbeing)

For More is Less, we have the kid who gets his first job he thinks he may be able to keep for a while so he goes out to buy a Mustang.  He doesn't need one but it looks cool.  Now he has his own ride and this says he's a man, all kinds of things, but it doesn't really say anything except six years of debt and the car will eventually break.

- Infer lengthy editorial on the downward trail to lifetime consumer debt -

It's some serious science in the article regarding happiness from free time and it presents the puzzle that we know this but do the opposite anyway.  That starts the intrigue and that leads to Zen Yogi.

Zen Yogi:  I need to find a pic-a-nic basket

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