Thursday, May 3, 2018

Villain Insurance

Harley: Hey Seraphin!!

Seraphin: yes Harley?

Harley: I’ve just haf a thought about superheroes and villians

Seraphin: this better not have any spoilers from any new movies Harley!!

Harley: it doesn’t! I swears on all my favorite animals.

Seraphin: ok, well in that case the spoiler free floor is yours

Harley: thanks!!

Aight lords and ladies so here’s the thing!

What if heroes and villains were real, not like The unbelievable cheeto real but like proper villains like lex luthor, the Joker, and such. Now think about this. Anyone who has ever Actually read what their home insurance covers knows that it doesnt cover things like war or nuclear incidents and the most emphasised flood or earthquake. Now with those last two at least you can buy specialty insurance from specialty companies to cover flood and earthquake because these are things that could happen but your average insurer doesnt cover. Now i know this seems off track but here me out aight

So what if in the comic earth there are specialty insurance companies that sell villian insurance. And “no, no no no, we dont insure heroes specifically but if a hero damages your property whilst fighting a currently covered villian than that is included.” Thats gona be a line you hear alot from your local villian insurance agent. They dont cover heroes directly, only as an incident in regards to villians on your policy.

Now here’s where they get you. Not all villians are covered all the time. The way it works is you get to first choose a package. Do you want the Double Daring? That gives you two villians of your choice and all choices are locked in for the next week minimum and no you cant make a change in the middle of an attack, we heavily enforce binding restrictions in areas once an attack has begun. We also have the Devils Threesome, no we dont mean that sexually you perv, it mean you get to pick three villians instead of two, now we do offer certain discounts at this level for example certain package deals get a discounted rate such as the Gotham Sirens, they are usually seperate entities but as a team up they can be quite destructive so if you choose each of them for this package we do offer a frequent team up discount. We also have the Four Horseman level, you get 4 choices, then the Fearsome Five and the Sinistery Six, this one was originally the Sinister Six but then the actual  sinister six sued us for copyright infringement so we added a y.

Now with these packages you do have to pick specific villians for your coverage and only that villian or villians group in cases like Joker and his gang or minions are covered. Now with this coverage we do cover teams as a single choice. Originally  we had a great example for this with Joker and Harley Quinn they were a package deal but what is true love anymore am i right? Hatley deserves better anyway, but like i was saying, in recent years with thier breakup now they are seperate options but constant teams do count as one so like if Ra’s and the assassins wreck your house thats all covered as one pick.

Now it can get difficult this covwrage can cuz if a villian on your list goes to jail it is your responsibility to update your policy. Premiums are of course going to be higher in the villian’s preferred locations. Also if your property gets wrecked by a team up and only part of the team is on your list we are only gona cover you for the percentage that your listed villians make up said team. SO if two face and penguin wreck your shit but you only had penguin listed youll get 50% covergae.

Seraphin: now wait a moment Harley, this is gona end up getting bery exhausting for people always having to call in and guess what villians might attack next. Why can’t we offer general billian coverage.

Harley: its still a buisness Seraphin, we still have to be able to make a profit somehow and general coverage would bankrupt us in a matter of days.

Seraphin: ok, ok, it sucks but i at least see your point. I almost feel bad for the service reps tho.

Harley: how come?

Seraphin: well think about it like this...

A customer calls in “ hello, i need to file a claim, Harey and her group of Quinns just trashed my house.”

“Oh dear that is terrible, I am sorry this has happen d but unfortunately I see that currently Harley Quinn is not a covered villian on your policy.

“Not covered! What the hell do you mean not covered! I have coverage for the Joker and his cohorts on my plan! This is Gotham! Who would be crazy enough not to have the Joker listed?!?!”

“Well of course Sir, I agree the Joker is a very popular coverage option and rightfully so but with their split up as of 2016 as well as Harley dipping more into the anti-hero roll her classification is only covered with the evolving character endorsement and she is no longer connected with the Joker so you see Sir, while I absolutely sympathize with your situation, unfortunately in this instance you ate currently not covered for this incident.”

“Well this policy is a joke!”

Si2: Did you two really just go through all of this for a halfwitted pun?

Harley and Seraphin: Yup :)

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Millennial Talks: Guns and a note on Generations

Harley: Don’t you dare touch my guns Seraphin!! 

Seraphin: Did you purchase them legally?

Harley: well, yea...

Seraphin: Are you properly trained in the responsible use and maintenance of your weaponry?

Harley: yes...

Seraphin: Do you properly store youre weaponry in a safe and/or storage area where those who shouldn’t have access to it can’t reasonably gain access to it?

Harley: yes...

Seraphin: Then congratulations. Noone cares about your guns or that you have them. Your argument is infantile and knee jerk.

Harley: Can I go now?

Seraphin: you can, but if you do you’ll miss the actual message pst the humor...

Harley: Im a prankster and chaos loving clown Seraphin...

Seraphin: we might piss off Both sides...

Harley: oh! Ok continue!

Seraphin: Thanks...

Ok so here’s the thing. Everytime a shooting happens both sides lose their damn minds. And that is a big part of the problem. People are polarized to A Side. Well my side supports blank or my side supports this instead. Just shut the fuck up. Your Sides is a big part of the problem in this country, but thats another topic for another time.

But heres the gun issue. And ill warn you NRA fans now, read fully or dont bother. And you full on gun hippies who want to “ban all guns”, you aint gona like this much either. But for my larger audience. Those who understand life is not nor has it ever been black and white. It has always been a beautiful and vast specteum of color and nuance.

Now to the issue. Lets start with an easy one to agree on shall we. Schools getting shot up by Anyone is bad! Still with me? Good cuz otherwise youre hopeless and We can’t help you. Now this is where this portion of the issue gets speculative.

How do we fix it?

First off we have to all actually agree this is a problem and work together to fix it. So lets start with this. Children can not legally own a handgun by federal law, and federal lw prohibits the sale of firearms to minors, however in 30 states there is no law about a minor Owning a Long gun, ie a rifle or shotgun, and according to my research thus far, this includes and this surprised me actually, an Uzi depending on its make and modifications.

 Now I’m largely against telling people how to live thier life up unto the point living your life infringes on the life of another or even worse, hurts them in anyway. So I wont say we should change these laws. If Johnny wants Junior to have his own rifle and learn to be properly trained and properly maintain his own gun, thats their business UNTIL IT HURTS SOMEONE ELSE. Then its a problem.

So how do we help this issue? Well for one let’s look at something else that people love to reference during this conversation. Automobiles. People are killed every year by automobiles. And youre right noone is calling to ban them. And Im not calling to ban guns, but i am calling for responsibility. What happens to earn your right to drive, you have to pass a competency test showing you know how, you have to be Licensed and you have to have insurance. Now why do we do these things. 1. Well this ones obvious, we dont want people who don’t know what the hell they are doing operating these one ton death machines. 2. We need to be able to identify you have proven your competency to operate a vehicle and 3. And this is the one well circle back to later, If under Any circumstances you damage someones property or even worse, hurt or kill someone, you are held liable for the damages.

Si2: Seraphin, are you trying to say people are not liable if they shoot someone?

Seraphin: not entirely Si but I see your point, let me explain further.

Yes of course people are liable. Legally those at fault can be tried for manslaughter and murder among other things, but perhaps we can approach it further in a different way. So back to the car example. If Junior, borrows Daddy’s car, legally or illegally, with or without permission, what happens if Junior wrecks and injures someone. Prize for those who said Daddy’s insurance or Daddy has to pay for it. And practically speaking if you wanna see change in the use of something, add in insurance. Regulation will happen Very quickly.

Now again. I don’t care how you live your life. But damn well believe you are responsible for your choices and actions, or inaction in some cases. My proposal is simple. 1. You can own a gun, that's fine, it is you're Constitutionally given right. But to do so you must take a class and pass a test showing you know how to properly use and maintain the weapon as well as are properly educated on the laws regarding the weapon. 2. You must pass an in depth background check showing you are not only a law abiding citizen but also that you do not have a history of violence. 3. You will be required to properly store you're weapon and provide proof of said proper storage. 4. Each gun owner will be required to carry firearm liability insurance with a state minimum level of coverage.

Will this plan work? I don't know, Since it was my idea, I am of the biased opinion that it is at least an attempt in the right direction. Our current attempts haven’t worked out overly well to prevent further attacks and this disingenuous bickering that ultimately devolves into name calling and fruitless arguments is getting us no where.

Harley: Think you managed to piss of everyone?

Seraphin: Well Harley, as long as they consider more options and find it in themselves to grow and become more than this bullshit us and them, then I don’t care if they agree with the specifics as long as they are opening dialogue and discussing ideas rather than blindly bashing one another.

In case we have not however on another note and just a quick aside for everyone on the topic of Generation, a topic we may address further later. Millennials are not teenagers. The youngest millennials are now 21 by many references but at the very youngest they are 18. We outnumber Baby Boomers and we are doing little with that. Largely we are nostalgic and do our level best to be largely distracted. as a whole we are just trying to survive in the world we found ourselves in. Numbers mean nothing if there is no action. Where we Are seeing action right now however is from this rising generation the oldest whom are 18-20 the youngest are still being born but these teenagers, Gen Z (How original), so just an FYI the generation of 'tide pod eaters' (which isn't a real thing except among the stupidest of people. its a meme, a joke actually) those speaking out and walking out in protest is Gen Z, or whatever name they ultimately end up saddled with. Either way, I wish them well but caution that they not just follow trends but seek to understand the issues and focus their passion and fire into making things better. Perhaps we will more fully address the idea of generations and such another time. We shall see.

Much love to you my friends. Until next time.