Friday, July 28, 2017

#News on a Nailhead 7/29

Since you were looking for yet another reason to be afraid, here's a four-foot-long reason:  monitor lizards in Florida.  (FOX4:  Monitor lizard living in Cape family's attic)

Tip:  they get much bigger and they're definitely dangerous to humans.

What does it take to attract an audience in West Yorkshire?  If your answer is a banana then this article is for you.  (METRO:  Man casually takes banana for a stroll in West Yorkshire)

Tip:  don't ever take your comedy act to West Yorkshire.  They won't get it.

There are various advisories for things one should not do when starting a new job and there will now be a new addition.  (  Security guard allegedly stole $100K on his first day of work)

When your threesome winds up with multiple broken bones for multiple people, it might be time to review your ways, Casanova.  (Irish Sun:  UNHAPPY ENDING! Threesome from hell as naked woman breaks bones falling from a BALCONY while having an orgasm…before a second randy woman is hurt trying to help)

Note:  both women were injured but Casanova was fine and presumably still looking for someone to love.

Long before you have stolen four billion in Bitcoins, does it not occur to you maybe it's time to cash out before you're caught.  Answer:  negatory on that.  (RT:  ‘He used his real name online’: Bitcoin security expert on $4bn laundering scheme suspect)

Because there's always a smile when some dumb ass rich bitch cracks up his expensive car and destroys it.  (BBC:  Ferrari driver writes off new car on M1 in Barnsley)

Extra credit:  he gets today's Imbecile Prize since had taken delivery of the car only an hour earlier.

Write your own editorial for this sick bitch.  (NY Post:  Teen who ran into church naked indicted for rape hoax)

Tip:  she may get thirty-two years in the Big House for doing it and I imagine they will back off at some point since maybe they just want to scare the fuck out of her first.

The above is less psychotic than the Washington news but the only thing coming to me from any of it whether the pols or the pundits is "Lord of the Flies" and that mephitic morass of moribund mendicants draws flies from around the world.

Translation:  that foul-smelling pit of near-death beggars

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