Wednesday, September 30, 2015

What's Hot on the Blog 9/30


Obtaining - go flying with Lotho.  Buckling up for take-off has never been like this.

Rappers Suck - this is one of Sam Kinison's classic bits, favorite of rock musicians everywhere

Cadillac Man - there is no evidence Cadillac Man was eaten by a bear ... unless he can login to Skype from inside a bear

Historical Documents - some information and some decadence, working the (cough) balance

Hating Dogs - a whole lot of lonely dogs bark in suburban neighborhoods.  Mostly a slam of Petland.

Living Well - it's a mixed article as it's a compliment and a unspoken back-handed slash but the truth of the compliment is real ... plus pics.  Mixing the two isn't right but it's inevitable given the circumstance.

John Oliver - excellent work.  It's hard, it's funny and he introduces you to a puppy.  You will fall in love for sure.

Recent Posts - making it easier to find things

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Migrants and Refugees (HBO video)

Check out Fox News and it's bare-faced racism.   Example:  look at these people chanting, Alahu Akbar (God is great).  There is a concern terrorists could infiltrate Western countries by mingling with the refugees.  I'm not trying to say these people are terrorists ..."

Like fucking hell you weren't.

There is hard material in it but Oliver delivers it well.

Germany stands above the others.  It was announced today they have translated much of their Constitution to Arabic so refugees can understand it and better integrate.

Lots of places talk about taking in refugees but Germany really does it.

Hungary takes the prize for demonic with a camerawoman who was kicking and tripping refugees trying to enter the country.  She later apologized and said, "I'm not a heartless, racist, children-kicking, camerawoman."

Right.  It only looks that way on TV.

The show isn't all horror as he will introduce you to someone you will instantly love.  Maybe a bit lame to show you the sweet puppy ... but, wtf, she is a sweet puppy.

About those Historical Documents

The reference to 'historical documents' is from "Galaxy Quest," the all-time favorite if you're burned out on space movies.

In that one, broadcasts of 'Star Trek' went out into the Universe and were received as 'historical documents' by space aliens who didn't know how to build starships and whatnot but the historical documents showed they could.  Comedy ensues when the other-world creatures come to Earth for help in how to fly the ship from the 'Star Trek' actors.

These 'historical documents' are as accurate as I can tell them because a list of people can bust me if there's anything distorted.  Some stuff I make up for comic purpose but, for me, these stories are funny by themselves.  The purpose in telling them is these are the ones I remember but they aren't so much about me, instead I am one of the people in them ... and then strange things happen.

Lotho asked why I was showing nothing but crashes.  We have probably logged tens of thousands of miles on motorcycles of all sizes and capability, raced go-karts at higher speed than you would believe they are capable, driven regular vehicles hundreds of thousands of miles around this country and others.  Most of that was without incident ... but it's not funny without incidents.

So, there I was with the scooter on top of my leg in Nice, France.

There's drama in this moment but not so much in the total gorgeousity of an entire field of sunflowers, every one orienting itself toward the sun, exactly is if this were a real-life dream in front of you with the Wizard of Oz.

Riding past that reveals one breathtaking spectacle but not much drama.

So, there I was.  The scooter was too heavy to move by myself and I thought, 'hmmm.  This sucks.  I don't even speak the language so now what?'

You learn the manners words before going anywhere.  I know bonjour, merci, and the like but, even with every stretch of my memory, I couldn't come up with the words for ...


(Got a bit of a Kinison phase rolling here)

One guy saw the need for help and he was very cool, wouldn't let me stand up until he was satisfied I could ... very cool.  All with minimal English.

The gendarmes showed up some while later but didn't stay long.  The scooter was off the road then and nothing was obviously bleeding so he split.

That was ok as, hey, I'm glad he didn't shoot me.

(Ed:  it's France.  Cops don't do that over there.)

Right, right.  I keep forgetting that.  I should have known as it wasn't the first time I had run into French police ... that day.

The guy helped me out and pretty soon we were kissing and falling in love.  We live together on the beach at Côte d'Azur to this day.  We own nothing but sand, seagulls, and each other.


(Ed:  bullshit.  What really happened?)

See, there's the trouble.  How do I get out of this.  The whole run was three thousand kilometers and I shouldn't have survived any of it.  The crash, tho, that gets the headline.  Ha!

What's Hot on the Podcast 9/30

/podcast/media/SilasScarboroughStageTest.mp3106184.39 GB36.26 MB
/podcast/media/RidetheDragon.mp37830988.13 MB9.15 MB
/podcast/media/SwingHeil-9_1_1510.12PM.mp35124420.10 MB5.60 MB
/podcast/media/LittleBitoBlues.mp34522406.87 MB6.07 MB
/podcast/media/HeyBaby9.mp34414254.83 MB4.39 MB
/podcast/media/HeyBaby.mp34223430.06 MB6.62 MB
/podcast/media/SwingHeilII.mp33826381.31 MB5.96 MB
/podcast/media/BeCarefulwiththeBackwash.mp3308169.73 MB4.47 MB
/podcast/media/Logic.mp381622.73 MB969.61 KB

StageTest - recording of broadcasting into Cat's Art MusikCircus.  It opens with "Ride the Dragon" then "Hey Baby" and then more "Swing Kids."  Runs about 30:00.

Ride the Dragon - a single version - looks like you liked the StageTest better

Swing Heil - tribute to the Swing Kids of NAZI Germany.  They fought NAZIs with swing music and dance (it really happened).

Little Bit o' Blues - Well (larfs)

Hey Baby 9 - never in my life would I have thought I might say something I did is 'too Hendrix' but ... it is.  I love it and will almost certainly do it again but that may end up being a crow biting my brain if I start thinking ... no, no ... too Hendrix.  What does that even mean.

Hey Baby - I love the song so it's another recording of it.

Swing Heil II - previous version - slightly modified version of the one from the StageTest.  Django laughs and he's so cool but I stand by it and smile.  It's all good.

Be Careful with the Backwash from Your Spiritual Turbine - a little song for Creflo Dollar (contemptible for-pay preacher) and into a bluesy bit from there.

Logic - poetic reading.  The listener count looks dismal but they fade after a while.  I'm proud of this one.  With a lot of my stuff I'm not sure what to think of it but this one is ok.  I just listened to this one again and, yep, this one stands.  No need to record it again.

Marigolds - it's a jammatron song as I wind it up and see where it goes.  I've used this loop for quite a while and many times.  That it's at the bottom doesn't mean much as it was probably uploaded last month.

Don't expect perfection as my definition of the word may not the same as yours.  For me it's how close you can come to the sound you really want and there are risks in that as I won't always hit it. For me there is no music without taking chances and I try to record all of them.  This isn't an apology as I'll hit a clam and groan just the same as you when I hear it on playback ... but ... I also know I would not have hit the clam if I were not pushing it.  Very much it's my purpose to push it as hard as I'm capable of doing it.  Sometimes I crash but, as you'll see in other articles, I've done that quite a bit.  See the doc, get put back together again, and, wowzer, back on the road again.

Pushing it hard may not mean the same thing to you either as playing slow is harder than playing fast, much harder, in fact.  It's not so much a matter of musical difficulty but rather how much of you is in it.  When you sustain a note and let it hang, every thought inside you goes into it, and there it hangs in space singing ... of whatever you are.  For speedball guitar, the notes are aggregated into the larger arpeggio but that goes into "Yngweh Malmsteen's Arpeggio from Hell" which is musically-impossible but entirely lifeless.

That's not denigrating Malmsteen's talent and his speed, I just don't like it.  I'll play fast or I'll play slow and there's nothing I do which cries out to me, man, this sucks if you don't do it faster.  More accuracy is always good but more speed not so much.

Some unusual stuff I typically don't notice

Unique visitorsNumber of visitsPagesHitsBandwidth
Viewed traffic *1,3294,507
(3.39 visits/visitor)
(1.82 Pages/Visit)
(4.6 Hits/Visit)
3.10 GB
(720.14 KB/Visit)

Maybe I should look at this stuff more often as, what do you know, there's a lot of traffic here.

Why Do Americans Hate Their Dogs and Love Petland

Buckle down for a cheap shot if you like but that's not what comes.  The article isn't too sweet to Petland but the last thing they deserve is sweetness anyway.

There are many places I have lived in my life and in not one of the others was there the endless problem with barking dogs in suburban neighborhoods.

There was a popular bumper sticker on cars in England which reads:

A dog isn't a Christmas gift, it's for life

In America you can hear all over the place Christmas dogs barking, 'set me free, set me free.'  This is where we learn the differences between loving property and the property of love.  Americans are deeply-enamored of property and that poor, lonely dog will bark, completely unloved in that backyard, because he never gets taken for a walk.

(Ed:  some Americans, probably most, love their dogs and take care of them)

True enough but the outrage is the people who own them and don't love them.  Judging by the noise, the percentage of those who do not love them is significantly higher here.

That's the effect of the love of property.

For the property of love, a dog may lie on the owner's grave until he comes back.  This behavior has been recorded multiple times.  Let's see your Cadillac Escalade do that.

It's not that there are many more dogs here as I strongly suspect a higher dog density in neighborhoods in England than in U.S.  You can see the evidence on the sidewalk since they actually do take their dogs for walks.  There are dogs all over the place but you won't hear them barking.  They are exceptionally well-trained.

(Ed:  you have to play hopscotch on the sidewalk to get around all this, um, stuff?)

It's not like that as people do mostly clean up after them.

The exception to the lower standard in U.S. may be New York City as they operate strictly regarding sidewalks with the attitude:  you brought it here, you take it with you, and zero barking.  Those dogs may be well-trained but I don't know for sure.

No doubt there are people who treat their dogs worse, I just haven't been to one of those places yet.

It's not so far off Christmas so, wtf, this wouldn't be a bad time for it:


The dog isn't a toy but rather a critter who will love you like nothing else on the planet, whether you deserve it or not.

Also, don't 'rescue' a dog if you can't really save it.  A rescue dog requires even more love than an uninjured dog so it needs a major commitment from you to help the animal.  This really isn't a bust but a warning.  It sounds so precious to do but it takes a lot of work and commitment to make up for whatever else someone did with this dog.  If you are ready for that then a rescue dog may be your best choice as the dog will understand after a while you're different and that's one highly satisfying feeling.

It's taken much of two years to get through to Tobey the Dog but it's working.  He doesn't cower when I go near him and he knows if I raise my voice I mean it.  That also means I never hit him.  He knows that too.  Tobey the Dog is my bud.  Cadillac Man has his bud as well and I wouldn't mind betting they travel together now.

Note:  "Travels with Charley in Search of America" is not, apparently, much related to what really happened.  Cadillac Man knows that story and I have no doubt his travels with his bud will be real.  The WIKI article contains an 'Accuracy Critique' and you may wish to skip it.  (WIKI:  Travels with Charley)

It is another 'know your dealer' situation as you can buy a dog in Petland (or other similar nightmarish horror) and their dogs frequently originate in American puppy mills.  They are often subject to 'kennel cough' which is highly-contagious but I don't know if it can be ultimately fatal.  I do know many of the animals in Petland and others have got it.

After Disney Studios released "101 Dalmatians," there was a craze in American to have Dalmatian puppies.  The puppy mills started breeding them with wild irresponsibility and with total disregard of the impracticality of a Dalmatian in a confined environment.  It's somewhat similar to trying to keep an Irish Setter in an apartment.  You will drive it absolutely crazy.

Who was right at the center of that:  Petland.  Don't ever go there or any type of suburban pet shop.

If you buy a dog from someone, make sure the person raised him or trained him.  This is a person who knows the health of the dog perfectly and has given this dog all kinds of love.  All you have to do is keep that going and that dog will love you beyond the day you die.

Living Well is the Best Revenge - Saveme Oh Edition

For my first look at the Rules for Self-Respect, the reaction was, jeebers, another fookin' melodramatic squabble ... and it was ... but it demonstrates perfectly you only get attention when you earn it and that title goes to Saveme Oh.

Saveme Oh dancing at Cat's Art MusikCircus amid who knows what in the air.  Deceptions Digital is behind her on the stage.

There are various assaults in the discussion against Saveme but notice the greasy aspect of them as this has been practiced.  This is your PDQ Team (Professional Drama Queen) and Saveme Oh deals with them lucidly whereas the responses are largely predictable.

On first reading, my thought was the responses were slick ... but that's the problem.  They're way too slick and that shows only they have been rehearsed and / or used many times.  The only thing you can do with people like that is mute them.  They won't ever stop because they have nothing better to do.

Cat told me Saveme Oh came to do the visuals for the performance of Dimensions Digital on Tuesday and she did an exceptional job of it.  Gratuitous acts of outrageous visuals are not uncommon at the MusikCircus (i.e. almost every time you go there something will explode) but Saveme takes outrage to a dimension others can't handle and that's when the PDQ Team comes out ... but never at the Circus.

Also from Deceptions Digital Tuesday performance at Cat's Art MusikCircus.  Looks like it blowed up real good.

Maybe you read the article and saw how they do and your best reaction is to mute them.  If you want glib dialog, watch a politician; you will gain no more from it.  If you need outrageous public spectacle, call Saveme Oh.

You may also have seen in the article where Cat was slammed even though had nothing at all to do with it.  If you were at DD's performance with Saveme Oh on Tuesday at the MusikCircus, you will find Cat is considerably more of a diplomat than those who would speak wrongly of her.

The comedy aspect is Saveme Oh suggested the attacker join Cat but what really came is Saveme and Cat joined up for the show.  That which previously was not supposed to happen turned out to be very cool.  That's the music; anything else is just rap.

(Ed:  which rhymes with ...)

Sometimes you talk too much, Mister Ed.

Sometimes Saveme Oh will piss you off and she has me as well but the fact remains:  she's interesting in a world of pasty-faced simulacra.

(Ed:  why do you use words like that?)

Because other people don't.  That's why Saveme Oh does what she does and we hope she keeps on doing it even if she does piss me off once in a while.  These are the people who keep life interesting.

Cadillac Man Chased By a Bear in Yellowstone National Park

We heard the story but we're not sure if it's true that Cadillac Man is still with us because he followed the Fundamental Rule of Bears:  you don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than your friend.

Because ...

Because ...

Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you.

Regrettably, Yellowstone Park will be needing another tour guide.

(Ed:  a faster tour guide?)

Remarkable perspicacity, Mister Ed.  Running speed has been added as one of the qualifications for the job.

Note:  the last lines have been used so many times over the years that they deserve historical documents of their own.  We're really not sure of the comedy potential in being eaten by bars, tho.

Cadillac Man made a beautifully generous offer so I could roll around Yellowstone with him since the man is kicking out on the road.  He's been waiting for the chance to go roaming for some while and it looks like he is on the road now.  I'm not sure but I haven't seen him in a while and I know that was the plan.

(Ed:  you love it on the road, don't you?)

Sigh (laughs).

We understand Europe doesn't have so many big bears but, do believe it, there are plenty of bears in North America which would happily eat you and then look for an after-dinner mint.  What's more, they can do it.

(Ed:  why should he do that?)

You may never guess it from online, Mister Ed, but I'm good company because I'm funny and I do weird shit.  Everyone should have friends like me (larfs).  He's my old friend but I still couldn't take the offer.  Sure would have been cool, tho.

We're most curious to discover where Cadillac Man roamed on this one.  Maybe start a blog on this w/pics, Cadillac guy??  You use some little point-and-shoot pocket cam and the pictures can easily be loaded to your computer and subsequently to your blog or whatever else seems a good way to do it.  There's a great story in this so let's see if we can incite him to tell it.

Plus, you can get ridiculously technical with a direct satellite link and upload from anywhere.  You could acquire so much equipment that ... well ... you would probably be chained to the ground again. Maybe not such a good plan.

Note:  that kind of satellite link is not as expensive as you would think and use of it seems much more common in Europe.

Cadillac Man has a good grip on this bucket list business (i.e. it's not worth a crap).  If you only work some list, you may not even be interested in No. 10 after you have completed the other nine.

OK, went to the North Pole.  What's next.

The way he is roaming is to go somewhere ... to see where that leads.  For all we know, Cadillac Man may be in China right now.  We have got to see pics of that.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Obtaining Your Camden Pilot License ... w/o an Aircraft (historical document)

Camden, Ohio, is the location of the Greggs' go-kart race track and it was an excellent place to turn it up.  Go-kart racing did not have, back then, the glamour of Formula 1 drivers doing it during their off-time but there was ferocious competition and more classes than they run today.  Some of the classes were probably banned.  Whenever you see go-karts in video today, typically there is one motor and they go smokin' fast.  Back then they permitted two with outrageous modifications to both of them.

The twin-engine go-karts had an open class in which anything goes.  Some maniac even tried adding hydrazine (i.e. rocket fuel) to the mix for the kart but there was a little problem with it exploding.  Hydrazine is so volatile, it can explode if you drop the container.  The fuel was usually methanol-based plus nitro and whatever else they could find.

The motors for the open class were 8.2 cubic-inches ... but ... these lunatics would stick three carburetors on this motor, two pointing straight-up and the other pointing directly forward at the bottom of the crank case (the motors were mounted 90 degrees off vertical).  This was the only class for my ol' Dad and the motors would explode regularly.  On one occasion, the motor blew and the connecting rod to the piston broke, consequently shooting out of the bottom of the crankcase ... to where my ol' Dad's right shoulder would have been if he were not leaning left into a corner.

The reason the motors often exploded is they would mix anything flammable to make the fuel for them.  If you really did a good job of it, you would blow a hole in the top of the piston AND break the connecting rod.

The Camden track was like most others since it ran 3/8 to 1/2 a mile.  The straight in front of the pits wasn't the longest but you could build plenty of speed before the left turn at the end.  Likely you would hit this at at 60-70 mph and you would balance on the edge of the adhesion until you came around almost 270 degrees and then hard right into the back straight.  On that one with the right machine, you could hit about 90 mph and this one again would swing you around 180 degrees and then into a series of wiggles which would bring you back around to the front straight.

There was one little detail about the Camden track which set it apart from all the others and which drew high-calibre racers from all over the place.

At the end of the back straight, the turn which threw you back around 180 degrees ... had Monza banking on it.  The bank was so steep you could not walk up it when it was wet.

The way it worked was you would go into the corner and up on the right side of the track and then dive to the center of the corner to drift out on the other side which sets you up for the next corner at the end of the little straight after the Monza.  Hitting that thing at 90 mph is guaranteed to be one of the big thrills you will ever know.  This isn't only jumping out of an aircraft and pulling the ripcord.  It's major calculus to solve that corner and Lotho could probably spell out the mathematics for you.

The mathematics did not always work, not precisely.  If anything breaks while you are in your 90 mph dive to the center of the corner, there is only one direction to go ... and that would go off the top of the Monza and consequently into low-Earth orbit.  The banking dropped just as steeply on the grassy side of the bank so the Monza turn made a perfect launch pad.

As Lotho discovered ...

It was not his mission to obtain the Camden Pilot License but some glories are bestowed upon us anyway, particularly when there was a problem in the steering.  He sailed off the top of it at somewhere short of 90 mph and we were all thinking, holy shit, we really did get someone killed this time.

No-one had been badly hurt racing go-karts ... well ... unless you consider breaking ribs and cutting off fingers as badly hurt.  Hey, wtf, they sewed them back on again.  My ol' Dad broke three or four ribs in a total Hollywood crash right in front of my ol' Mother.  She was one seriously tough woman to put up with all the stuff we did.  Between the four of us, there's no counting how many times we dragged her to emergency rooms.  She always said 'the Scots are a hardy race' and we damn sure put that to the test.  Not once did she ever say to me 'I wish you would stop.'  Tough lady.

(Ed:  what happened to Lotho?)

How about a little latitude for building some drama as we left Lotho hanging in space, waiting to continue his journey to his inevitable destination at about 90 mph and, by that time, we were probably already moving toward where we figured he would land.

There's no clear memory of how far he sailed but Lotho is the calculus wizard, he could probably tell you.  The remarkable fact is he can tell you as he was not seriously injured and the kart ended up on its wheels.  My ol' Dad comes running up and Lotho is in the kart, screaming, "Start me up.  Start me up!"

He was not only breathing but all he wanted was to get back into the race.

(Ed:  and??  And???)

That was when the corner official handed him the steering wheel which had broken from the kart and which had originally shot him off the Monza.

Lotho reviewed the situation for a moment and then decided maybe this one couldn't be continued.

This is a man who would not stop if his brakes failed.  There are always means to slow down, after all.  Sometimes those means involve hitting other karts on the track with you ... but you know how that goes ... that's racin', brother.  Someone will probably go off the track from it so the trick is to ensure it is not you.  That's racin'.

What's Hot on the Blog 9/29


It Says - emphasis, these are symptoms induced by Klonopin withdrawal.

Mark Knopfler, outstanding guitarist and personal friend of Lotho.

Managing Blood Pressure - sensible information to start and decadence below.  It's another historical document and, well, there was a lot of decadence.  Wouldn't have had it any other way.

Zuckerberg - giving millions to Planned Parenthood while he siphons billions from your lives impresses me in no possible way

Putin - he's too cool to top.  You can't piss him off.

Recent Posts - this makes it easier, at least for me, to find the latest stuff and also to see whether the articles have any comments.  The latter has been a bit of trick to accomplish.  For me, much easier.

Motorcycles - a whole collection of crash bang which demonstrates the importance of getting a good tan before you crash a motorcycle.

American Iron - big horsepower, total bad-ass Detroit iron.  This is another historical document with Lotho demonstrating his proficiency with airborne cars.

American Iron Below - this one features Sam Kinison as this is as American as comedy ever gets.  Absolutely no rules whatsoever.  Some may be offended, others will see his truth.

Lindsey Buckingham - Great to see him in the game.  I love how this man plays.  There still isn't any interest in me for playing an acoustic guitar, particularly in finger-picking, but I tremendously admire his ability and style.

Things abate to some extent.  Not so much dizzy and somewhat reduced panicked fear of death.  It's slow but keeping sight on what does this keeps it manageable.  The next move is to play but it's still not the best move yet.  Playing the guitar has beaten back migraine for me.  It can also make one worse (shrug).  You take what comes, just take up that girl and play.  Hopefully tomorrow.  I'll record whatever comes of it.