Arrested for Tripping Over the Dog Food

The most important aspect of finally getting my pittance of a check from Social Security is that I can get Tobey the Dog some chow.  It sucks when you're hungry but just remember:  don't eat the sardines as they will only make it worse.  However, it really sucks when the critters are hungry as there's no way to tell them the car broke and no-one is eating.

The cats are ok and it's only been one day for Tobey the Dog but that's not acceptable so I went up to get him some chow for the morning.  QuickTrip is the place for stuff like that.  There's nothing in there fit for humans to eat but they do have some stuff for animals.  Unfortunately, I tripped over a bag of the dog food and spread out on the floor from it.

As I pulled myself together to get back up again, I found I was looking down the barrel of some Fort Worth cop's police special.

Note:  QuickTrip in Fort Worth is like Dunkin' Donuts in Rhode Island as it attracts cops from everywhere.  They protect against stealing candy and beef jerky, we assume.


The cop said, "I need to see the registration for your weapon."

I replied, "The only weapon I carry I've had all my life and it doesn't need registration."

The cop asked, "What weapon is that?"

I replied, a wee bit too fast, "Ah, it's as I suspected.  Cops don't have sex."


He immediately got furious and ordered me to put my hands behind my back so he could put handcuffs on me.

I asked, "Why are you arresting me?"

He told me, "You're in possession of an unregistered weapon and you're under arrest."

I said indignantly, "As I told you, I have only the weapon which was bestowed at birth."

He asked, "How do you explain this gun on the floor?"

I said, "It looks like a gun on the floor.  So what?"

He said, "Take a look around.  Do you see anyone else who could have dropped it?"

I replied, again too quickly, "How should I know if some dumb ass cracker dropped it and forgot about it.  Do some cop stuff and check it for fingerprints.  Mine won't be on it."


That was way too much logic for a cop so off we went downtown.


The cops just chucked me into the tank and the first thing that happened was a huge black guy came up and stood right up in my face.  He asked, "Do I scare you?"

I said, "Fuckin' right you scare me!"

He said, "Why do I scare you?"

I said, "Because you're a big motherfucker who can kick my ass."

He laughed and said, "What are you in for?"

Somewhat sheepishly, I told him, "Tripping over the dog food, man."

He said, "You fuckin' white people are crazy, man."

I said, "You're telling me?  I've got to live with these fuckin' people."