Friday, August 28, 2015

Things They Taught You About God Which Were Wrong

The good Reverend has many teachings and these are but a few.

Fuck is not a bad word.

Nooooo, not a bad word.  We are blessed by God, as we have been told by many, thus the language we speak is blessed by God and 'fuck' is one of the words within it.  Therefore, no problem with saying, 'Fuck it.  I will say what I like.'


God can dance.

Paul Delph told us this and of course he was right, he was right about everything else.


God is funny.

Some of you start wobbling about this point as you start wondering if he's not funny and maybe it's not such a good idea to piss him off.  However, if God is not funny, explain frogs.


God does not tell limericks.

Only the Irish tell limericks and this is because they are drunk and singing songs all the time.  God loves the Irish very much.


God and all his friends watch what you do in the bedroom, especially the first time.

At first we thought this was just something fundamentalists used to scare their children so much they never have sex ... ever.

At first we didn't believe this one at all but then we reviewed.  What else does God have to do when he's not busy.  So he likes to watch people getting drunk at NASCAR races and then trying to have sex after.  They think that's very funny.  God knows it takes a long, long time to get out of the camper paddock after a big NASCAR event and some those drunks will be trying to sneak in quickies out there.

Note to drunks:  a quickie is a bad idea.  Drunks don't do anything quickly.  God said it is funny to watch you try, tho.

No comments: