The original sixties quote was 'bring back Orange Sunshine, I want to be God again' but that doesn't work as we need Noah ... so God can talk to him.
(Ed: are you stealing Bill Cosby?)
Righty, right, matey. If you will steal then steal from the best.
In the original bit, God thinks it would be funny to try to talk Noah into putting all the animals of the world onto a boat and Bill Cosby sets to talk him into it.
Bill Cosby cupped his hand over the mike and practically swallowed it to get the deep voice for God ... but ... we have the magic Vocalist LiveFX and I can pull bass with that thing that sounds like I once jammed with Paul Robeson.
Knocking off the bit blows but it might be funny to recall it. Stirring up legions of outraged feminists wouldn't be too cool but, hey, the guy was funny. Off-stage it turns out he was quite an asshole but he wouldn't be the first artist to win that title. Unless he kills someone, he doesn't even approach Jackson Pollock for assholeness.
There's an old as in ancient joke about how do you get to Carnegie Hall but Cat had not heard it. This is one of the masterpieces of musical comedy so that may well enter the Sasquatch mix as it's a cool application for the bass voice and carries a whole lot of blues but implied rather than wept.
(Ed: what possible twist on that joke?)
The telling has been rehearsed because how do I know it even works. That sounded good and it's got a little bit of shaggy dog but not anywhere near enough to lose the precision of the original joke. When a good many of the people listening may already know the punchline, you've got to give them a reason to wait for it. The bigger trick will be finding a reason to do it. Since we're on the subject of God already, how about I tell you how to get to Carnegie Hall (gong).
Oh, and some of you doubted the veracity of the claim of ordination by the good Reverend. Herewith, the proof (excerpt):
See, the good Reverend is one of a select cadre of twenty million. There does not appear to be any fee required for registration of my ministry in Fort Worth nor is there a requirement for inspection of papers so, as nearly as I can tell, I can legally marry people right now. I can legally bury people as well but no fuckin' way is this preacher plantin' a stiff in the ground. This is not going to happen.
Note: you will still need a license for marrying humans but we are not so limited here at the Ministry of the Internet. Marry whatever you like, just treat whatever it is right. Be forewarned, if you do unnatural things to an animal under the guise of this marriage, your tallywhacker will fall off. Maybe you don't think such things are unnatural ... but the horse does. Your tallywhacker will fall off.
The good Reverend has conducted multiple marriages in the past but now there is a new angle: Internet wedding. You two start a Skype conference call and then contact the Good Reverend. Unless you are on heavy drugs, brandishing guns, or look like Republicans, the good Reverend will probably marry you. Send in the license for his signature and he will send it back by return mail.
Kiss the bride or whatever you have there, young Viking, and please do take one bit of preacherly advice. That kiss was not the foreplay.
This, in combination with our Dial-A-Sinner program, should make for an innovative roster of spiritually enriching endeavors sure to fill your heart and your soul with, well, utter rubbish ... but that's my job. I am a TV preacher.
And remember, we never charge anything beyond the initial soul saving premium of ten dollars. If you want to send another million so we can build a hideous, pseudo-modern church in suburbia which is so cheaply-constructed it's guaranteed to burn everyone in it if there's ever even a fire in an ashtray ... well, that would be alright.
(Ed: are you stealing Bill Cosby?)
Righty, right, matey. If you will steal then steal from the best.
In the original bit, God thinks it would be funny to try to talk Noah into putting all the animals of the world onto a boat and Bill Cosby sets to talk him into it.
Bill Cosby cupped his hand over the mike and practically swallowed it to get the deep voice for God ... but ... we have the magic Vocalist LiveFX and I can pull bass with that thing that sounds like I once jammed with Paul Robeson.
Knocking off the bit blows but it might be funny to recall it. Stirring up legions of outraged feminists wouldn't be too cool but, hey, the guy was funny. Off-stage it turns out he was quite an asshole but he wouldn't be the first artist to win that title. Unless he kills someone, he doesn't even approach Jackson Pollock for assholeness.
There's an old as in ancient joke about how do you get to Carnegie Hall but Cat had not heard it. This is one of the masterpieces of musical comedy so that may well enter the Sasquatch mix as it's a cool application for the bass voice and carries a whole lot of blues but implied rather than wept.
(Ed: what possible twist on that joke?)
The telling has been rehearsed because how do I know it even works. That sounded good and it's got a little bit of shaggy dog but not anywhere near enough to lose the precision of the original joke. When a good many of the people listening may already know the punchline, you've got to give them a reason to wait for it. The bigger trick will be finding a reason to do it. Since we're on the subject of God already, how about I tell you how to get to Carnegie Hall (gong).
Oh, and some of you doubted the veracity of the claim of ordination by the good Reverend. Herewith, the proof (excerpt):
| WELCOME to the UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH Reverend Silas Theology Sasquatch Click Here To View Your Credentials and receive your confirmation email Click only once. Also, please make sure your printer is connected before clicking. |
 |
The Universal Life Church has sent your application for ordination from ULC MONASTERY in Tucson, Arizona to Modesto, California. Providing that you filled out the form properly with your legal first and last name, it will be approved and entered into the International Database of the Ministry of the Church, whose numbers are in excess of 20 million ordained ministers worldwide.
|
See, the good Reverend is one of a select cadre of twenty million. There does not appear to be any fee required for registration of my ministry in Fort Worth nor is there a requirement for inspection of papers so, as nearly as I can tell, I can legally marry people right now. I can legally bury people as well but no fuckin' way is this preacher plantin' a stiff in the ground. This is not going to happen.
Note: you will still need a license for marrying humans but we are not so limited here at the Ministry of the Internet. Marry whatever you like, just treat whatever it is right. Be forewarned, if you do unnatural things to an animal under the guise of this marriage, your tallywhacker will fall off. Maybe you don't think such things are unnatural ... but the horse does. Your tallywhacker will fall off.
The good Reverend has conducted multiple marriages in the past but now there is a new angle: Internet wedding. You two start a Skype conference call and then contact the Good Reverend. Unless you are on heavy drugs, brandishing guns, or look like Republicans, the good Reverend will probably marry you. Send in the license for his signature and he will send it back by return mail.
Kiss the bride or whatever you have there, young Viking, and please do take one bit of preacherly advice. That kiss was not the foreplay.
This, in combination with our Dial-A-Sinner program, should make for an innovative roster of spiritually enriching endeavors sure to fill your heart and your soul with, well, utter rubbish ... but that's my job. I am a TV preacher.
And remember, we never charge anything beyond the initial soul saving premium of ten dollars. If you want to send another million so we can build a hideous, pseudo-modern church in suburbia which is so cheaply-constructed it's guaranteed to burn everyone in it if there's ever even a fire in an ashtray ... well, that would be alright.
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