Our financial analysis team has reviewed whether there are enough American souls worth one dollar to give confidence of a sufficient marketing base to warrant pursuit of the endeavor. David Stockman was not involved in the analysis so we are confident it is not a cheap political fabrication.
The analysis by the team showed there is limited confidence there are enough souls to be saved in America to make it worth the effort or we would have to raise prices substantially to make any attempt to save them cost-effective. It's not that they have been saved already as those ones will only be more difficult.
Some situations are not difficult and only require an adult which is an exceptionally rare thing in the country, particularly in this context because:
- The teenage girl tells me she is pregnant and is thinking of an abortion.
What do you think you should do, young lady?
- The Army made him kill people.
What do you think about that now, young man / lady?
- I voted for the Army to kill people
Those ones can't be saved. They not only supported killing but they didn't even have the balls to do it themselves. That's a pre-screwed pooch. Can't be saved.
- I did that but I still really need to be saved, what can you tell me?
Tell you what, cabron. You go to the local Food Bank and you work there. You work hard there to help the people you would have sent to do your killing. Show me this thing and then we can talk.
- I had sex with children
I should lie to this guy and tell him God will love him for doing that? When this guy dies, he will go down screaming in the night and, frankly, we don't care.
- I sell crack to make my living
Son, talk to me about how you will stop doing it and make me believe that. Then maybe we can talk about rates for soul saving.
- I sell reefer
Where's the sin, son. Tell them to think good thoughts when they smoke it and you'll be doing as much as any preacher can do. Just don't rip them off with hipster prices as that one is a sin and we'll have to come around to talk about how God made this stuff and you're just the frontman, with or without a beard styled to look like an orbiting spacecraft.
- I profit from the suffering of others
Again there's no save. There is nothing to be done with these other than sending them to the bottom floor of The Mineshaft in NYC (that was the one dedicated to humiliation through various forms of depravity).
- I am addicted to Vicodin for my back pain
Don't worry, my child. I have worked with this one before. Do you understand your need for this stuff?
- I am Creflo Dollar and I made millions from suffering old people. Can you help me?
Convince me you are working diligently to give the money back and then perhaps we can talk. Meanwhile, fuck off.
The stage for it is set and the question is whether it's worth doing. There is the possibility of too many unsaveable souls in America. Given the considerations regarding the current candidates, it appears obvious there are millions with no hope whatsoever. When Huckabee said blacks lives don't matter, it doesn't give much reason to believe in an American salvation any time soon.
(Ed: you mean you're too late?)
Yep.
But that's only with the ones with money. The ones who don't are only looking for someone who does not bullshit them as do, for example, the ones who do have money. I can easily prove no-one gives a shit about me either. Take a look at these teeth, chill'uns. Do you think I have a $650 million personal aircraft. Many preachers have fourteen-passenger Cessna jet planes and that ain't right.
Miss Mona: No, no, that ain't right.
My first thought on waking was to abandon it. Miss Mona does not want to appear on camera. It could still work out if she provides the harmony from off-screen but it wouldn't be as holy.
(Ed: are you bullshitting me?)
No, that's everyone else. We don't bullshit anyone here.
(Ed: you seriously think you can help someone?)
I know I can. I have counseled people for years. I just don't tell anyone about it. What good is counseling if you blab that shit all over.
(Ed: why should you help anyone when no-one will help you?)
Good question. There is no immediate flip answer for it. An easy one is I always did but GOP uses that logic for bombing children so it isn't worth much.
Consideration continues.
The analysis by the team showed there is limited confidence there are enough souls to be saved in America to make it worth the effort or we would have to raise prices substantially to make any attempt to save them cost-effective. It's not that they have been saved already as those ones will only be more difficult.
Some situations are not difficult and only require an adult which is an exceptionally rare thing in the country, particularly in this context because:
- The teenage girl tells me she is pregnant and is thinking of an abortion.
What do you think you should do, young lady?
- The Army made him kill people.
What do you think about that now, young man / lady?
- I voted for the Army to kill people
Those ones can't be saved. They not only supported killing but they didn't even have the balls to do it themselves. That's a pre-screwed pooch. Can't be saved.
- I did that but I still really need to be saved, what can you tell me?
Tell you what, cabron. You go to the local Food Bank and you work there. You work hard there to help the people you would have sent to do your killing. Show me this thing and then we can talk.
- I had sex with children
I should lie to this guy and tell him God will love him for doing that? When this guy dies, he will go down screaming in the night and, frankly, we don't care.
- I sell crack to make my living
Son, talk to me about how you will stop doing it and make me believe that. Then maybe we can talk about rates for soul saving.
- I sell reefer
Where's the sin, son. Tell them to think good thoughts when they smoke it and you'll be doing as much as any preacher can do. Just don't rip them off with hipster prices as that one is a sin and we'll have to come around to talk about how God made this stuff and you're just the frontman, with or without a beard styled to look like an orbiting spacecraft.
- I profit from the suffering of others
Again there's no save. There is nothing to be done with these other than sending them to the bottom floor of The Mineshaft in NYC (that was the one dedicated to humiliation through various forms of depravity).
- I am addicted to Vicodin for my back pain
Don't worry, my child. I have worked with this one before. Do you understand your need for this stuff?
- I am Creflo Dollar and I made millions from suffering old people. Can you help me?
Convince me you are working diligently to give the money back and then perhaps we can talk. Meanwhile, fuck off.
The stage for it is set and the question is whether it's worth doing. There is the possibility of too many unsaveable souls in America. Given the considerations regarding the current candidates, it appears obvious there are millions with no hope whatsoever. When Huckabee said blacks lives don't matter, it doesn't give much reason to believe in an American salvation any time soon.
(Ed: you mean you're too late?)
Yep.
But that's only with the ones with money. The ones who don't are only looking for someone who does not bullshit them as do, for example, the ones who do have money. I can easily prove no-one gives a shit about me either. Take a look at these teeth, chill'uns. Do you think I have a $650 million personal aircraft. Many preachers have fourteen-passenger Cessna jet planes and that ain't right.
Miss Mona: No, no, that ain't right.
My first thought on waking was to abandon it. Miss Mona does not want to appear on camera. It could still work out if she provides the harmony from off-screen but it wouldn't be as holy.
(Ed: are you bullshitting me?)
No, that's everyone else. We don't bullshit anyone here.
(Ed: you seriously think you can help someone?)
I know I can. I have counseled people for years. I just don't tell anyone about it. What good is counseling if you blab that shit all over.
(Ed: why should you help anyone when no-one will help you?)
Good question. There is no immediate flip answer for it. An easy one is I always did but GOP uses that logic for bombing children so it isn't worth much.
Consideration continues.
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