The first printing of "Finding Weird Shit in Nature and Eating It - Recipes by Silas" contained all the glorious things one can do with tomato hornworms but, of course, then the radiation changed them and they got bigger, much bigger.
Once these were tiny creatures which ate tomato plants ... and were delicious to eat.
Once.
Here's an image smuggled out of the Operation Jade Helm theater of battle.
The photograph was taken just before the tomato hornworm ate Samuel Jackman's labrador retriever.
There are sporadic readings of radiation levels within the area but the monitoring devices are being damaged by earthquakes from the fracking. There was a severe one yesterday which almost caused a general to fall off his secretary.
More reports as we receive them.
Therefore, Silas invented a quilt similar to the dark plastic which is sometimes used in home gardens for weed prevention. The twist making this unique is the surface of the plastic is a contact explosive. See. It's the military mind. Sharp. Effective. This garden won't just kill the caterpillars, it will blow them the fuck up and send their guts to Jesus.
Someone told me how to make a contact explosive and once again I marveled at the magic of the Internet. Sometimes I wonder who is the crazy one, me or you. Um, tip on that, Jethro. It ain't me. No, no, no, it ain't me, babe.
Breaking News
Reports of mutated Tomato Hornworms in Texas due to radiation from Operation Jade Helm. They are gigantic and are eating pets and other small animals.
The radiation has also caused considerable gastric distress for Texas cows thus resulting in a substantial increase in methane production (i.e. farting). There are multiple reports of soldiers lighting cigarettes around cows which have subsequently exploded.
War is hell. Exploding cows. Where will it end.
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