Thursday, March 5, 2015

Reverend Sasquatch Solutions for a Troubled World

Here at the Ministry of the Internet, the solution to the Middle East problem seems obvious:  spiders.

A typical attack bombs a target to destroy materiel and kill people but, as we've seen, this just pisses them off and they get more.  If you have to deal with a tough guy, you don't draw down on him as he will just stand there and spit in your face.  However, if you throw a spider at him then he will scream like a girl.

Spider bombs, that's the answer.

Maybe you think this is impractical but I knew a scientist at the University of Cincinnati, George Uetz, one of whose specialties is breeding black widow spiders.  I have no idea what he did with them once he got a good collection of them but his office had cages all around, full of spiders.  This was the bar none creepiest place in the Universe.  He is also an excellent acoustic guitarist and I'm pretty sure he performed on a song on the WEBN album project and he may have written it.  So, for black widows or cool jams, he's yer huckleberry.

Oh, you think I make this up ... alright ...





As to the black widows, well, we shall need a better interface before we can present those.

So these spider bombs don't explode and the bad guys will never know you did it ... until a spider crawls into the tent and bites him.  Do this for a while and your enemy encampment is going to go home in a hurry.

Maybe you don't think this would work but when was the last time you looked under your desk.  You know spiders like cool, dark places and they won't bite unless you move in a way they feel threatens them.  So ... don't move too fast, ok?  There probably isn't a spider under there anyway, right?

No comments: