If, in fact, I am clinically-depressed as you suggest and my observation of not feeling depressed (i.e. no crying, I'm functional, etc) is not accurate then that makes things a bit confusing.
If I tell you I don't feel angry then, well, that's the depression masking the boiling rage ... but I swear there is no boiling rage. I hardly ever feel really angry about anything. Disappointment isn't so uncommon but rarely anger and not for long.
Whether deliberately fucking yourself up is depression or whatever doesn't really matter so much to me as why should I do that and I really don't know.
Typically my mistakes are 180 misses. I don't generally miss by a little bit.
So, screw the narcissism, this needs to be fixed.
So, I'm shit because ...
My ol' Dad was the super scientist, TV celebrity, etc, etc. You have no chance of being that cool because, well, you're shit.
I'm shit because I let some thug whack me in the Army. To this day I see no other answer as 'We Kill Gooks' finished it for me with Planet Earth. This is complete madness. You must get out of here right now. So I did but I'm still shit.
Leaving the Mystery Lady also means I'm a piece of shit but that was too late into things to account for it. I was fucking myself up long before that.
I fired a guy and I definitely feel like a piece of shit for that even though there was no alternative. Everyone was trapped by process. But I'm still a piece of shit.
My vote is for number one as I'm a piece of shit because I'm nothing next to my ol' Dad.
What I do about that is unknown. It's not a competition. Doing more than him doesn't mean anything as we don't do the same things. What that has to do with smoking cigarettes I don't know but any smoker knows they tell you over and over they will make you feel better when you know without doubt they will not ... but you do it anyway.
I'm glad you could quit, I really am. For me, it's very fucking hard and it all revolves around what's above for some reason I don't understand. I do not want to die and I have no death wish. No thrillseeker ever had a death wish. It's all about seeing how close you can come without getting dead that makes it a thrill.
I deliberately got a cable I can't afford as I'll run out of cigarettes before I get paid. Suck that up, mindfuck in my head that I don't understand.
The cable will bring back the guitar synth and I have high confidence it will work. This will take "The Cat in the Space Between Things" to a place it never went before. The synth didn't work the last time I did it.
If I tell you I don't feel angry then, well, that's the depression masking the boiling rage ... but I swear there is no boiling rage. I hardly ever feel really angry about anything. Disappointment isn't so uncommon but rarely anger and not for long.
Whether deliberately fucking yourself up is depression or whatever doesn't really matter so much to me as why should I do that and I really don't know.
Typically my mistakes are 180 misses. I don't generally miss by a little bit.
So, screw the narcissism, this needs to be fixed.
So, I'm shit because ...
My ol' Dad was the super scientist, TV celebrity, etc, etc. You have no chance of being that cool because, well, you're shit.
I'm shit because I let some thug whack me in the Army. To this day I see no other answer as 'We Kill Gooks' finished it for me with Planet Earth. This is complete madness. You must get out of here right now. So I did but I'm still shit.
Leaving the Mystery Lady also means I'm a piece of shit but that was too late into things to account for it. I was fucking myself up long before that.
I fired a guy and I definitely feel like a piece of shit for that even though there was no alternative. Everyone was trapped by process. But I'm still a piece of shit.
My vote is for number one as I'm a piece of shit because I'm nothing next to my ol' Dad.
What I do about that is unknown. It's not a competition. Doing more than him doesn't mean anything as we don't do the same things. What that has to do with smoking cigarettes I don't know but any smoker knows they tell you over and over they will make you feel better when you know without doubt they will not ... but you do it anyway.
I'm glad you could quit, I really am. For me, it's very fucking hard and it all revolves around what's above for some reason I don't understand. I do not want to die and I have no death wish. No thrillseeker ever had a death wish. It's all about seeing how close you can come without getting dead that makes it a thrill.
I deliberately got a cable I can't afford as I'll run out of cigarettes before I get paid. Suck that up, mindfuck in my head that I don't understand.
The cable will bring back the guitar synth and I have high confidence it will work. This will take "The Cat in the Space Between Things" to a place it never went before. The synth didn't work the last time I did it.
No comments:
Post a Comment