Ed Zelinsky taunts the demons with a nearly-naked woman
Ed: she's not naked!
If she isn't who they mean by a naked gardener in Maine, then we are in a major world of demonic hurt. Read on.
This Saturday, many will take part in one of the latest in the string of naturist activities when they get down and dirty on World Naked Gardening Day, when according to the organizers’ website people around the world are encouraged to tend their gardens unclothed, as nature intended.
“Ah, yes, nudity — the new mainstream nonconformity,” Lorien Lake-Corral, associate professor of social science and coordinator of the social science program at University of Maine at Augusta, said. “Looking at it from a psychological approach, it seems to be part of this 24-7 online [social media] presence where people tell all and bare all.”
Bangor News: Gardening this weekend? Time to get naked
If they really go through with it, they will bring on the Apocalypse since the vision of naked old people terrifies even the Underworld.
Here at the Rockhouse, we're assuming the wigged wags who suggested this have never gardened in their precious li'l lives or they wouldn't be suggesting anyone should try it naked.
See, we wear the shoes for the feets since your li'l tony tippers don't know pain until you use them bare on a shovel. You won't be tippy tappin' for a week after that stunt.
We wear the gloves for the hands because we do attempt to get through the exercise without injury to body parts. We want the hat because you don't know pain until you sunburn your scalp. I never felt that because, see, I wear a fuckin' hat. If the demons come, it wasn't because of me. I din't fuckin' do it naked.
I also wear clothes out there since once with poison ivy was quite enough although do have a ball if you're naked; roll around in it if you like, you incredibly silly person. Enjoy the prescription steroids since calamine lotion won't save you after that.
If you see the demons massing in the sky behind this, don't fuckin' blame me. It says this happens right now so maybe you should turn your attention to Maine and get some clothes on those whackos before they bring on the Apocalypse. The Underworld doesn't like this; the Underworld doesn't like this at all.
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