"There's One Trouble with the News"

There's nothin' in the news
and nothin' comin' soon
since they run the same old stories
and act like they flew to the Moon
but we don't need a fashion parade
and we don't care what Melania wore
it's all part of why the news
is such a crashing bore

we almost yearn for crashes
and we love those weak conspiracies
the people are already dead
so why should anyone cry
but we love to hear the conspiracy
I tell you ever word is true
nothing said is real but it's my point of view
and I make it up daily just for you

We hear an atonal Neil Sedaka
with his melody a minute
but we never hear the song
we only hear the noise
and it always comes from boys
who treat the girls like shit
but so long as they're almost witty
they get over on it all

The news became the newsers
but only from bad behavior
and you can see the same damn thing
from any silly teenager
They grope and pinch and laugh about
the shitty way they are
but the money pot is always handy
and they're safe with it so far

- Some asshole