Friday, July 7, 2017

Startling Last Day but Stabilizing

When the word comes from the VA to go to the E.R., that's effectively a direct order and validly.

It's easy to get lost in the backwash to focus only on what croaking is to me but it's not forgotten there are those who will be hurt by it and I'm apologetic over that since the situation was self-inflicted and there's no need for review of how that came to be.  However, it wasn't self-inflicted for those foolish enough to love me and, remarkably enough, they do exist.

I talked directly to Mystery Lady and missed a call from Cadillac Man.  Even calls are difficult since just about everything is but that's not a reason for croaking; that's only a justification.  Those two are vast worlds apart.

I didn't help so much with Mystery Lady and any pain she feels is worse than I feel directly but being dispassionate about things isn't useful for that.  Maybe it helps that you know from the history I've carried a lot of pain from bike crashes and whatnot so I'm not rolling over unless there are zero other choices.

Morphine is not an ideal solution at 15 mg but what if I halve the tab ... or quarter it.  If that gives therapeutic value without turning me into a cantaloupe then it will be considered.

That's about enough of this for prime public view and the summary is I need to stay alive for as long as I can claw my way to the surface.  I need to do that obviously for myself but not so obviously for you and the second part is more important than it may seem.

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