Saturday, July 1, 2017

News for a Nooner 7/1

How many times do we have to tell you, don't use your penis for target practice?  You didn't listen, now did yewwww?  (ABC 10:  Jacksonville man sits on gun, shoots self in penis, police say)

There's definitely no shortage of nothing burgers at CNN.  Take it like a man, Van.  No need to be coy, Roy.  Take it on the lam, Sam.  (CNN:  CNN’s Van Jones calls Russia ‘nothing burger’ video ‘edited, right-wing propaganda’)

Well, we know Nikki Haley is the scorpion so who is the frog?  (RT:  ‘Scorpion & frog’: Haley uses fable to blast Iran as UN & EU say Tehran complies with nuclear deal)

Note:  it's not nagging when a White House representative does it.

We have news about Mika and Joe.  (CNN:  What the National Enquirer published about Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski)  We didn't read it because we really don't give a fuck about two creeps who make a living by drinking coffee while people watch.  They don't seem to understand their only purpose is to remind us podcasts are really bad ideas.

Trump is talking like he just refilled his Viagra.  (RT:   ‘Era of strategic patience with N. Korean regime has failed’ ‒ Trump to S. Korea president)

Note:  see above about the definition of nagging.

Here's another Summer sequel story since it's only been a few months since the last time this happened.  Thank goodness, we have such a talented Energy Secretary to deal with such things.  (RT:  High risk of another nuclear waste tunnel collapse in Washington – govt)

New York shows us again, in the news or on the street, Three Card Monty rules.  (RT:  NYT retracts claim that ‘17 US intelligence agencies’ verified Russian DNC email hack)  The truth is under one of these three shells and you only have to tell me which one, Mister Ohio Hotshot.

Watch The Guardian's heartrending effort to raise the Titanic, the most colossal monument ever to arrogance and incompetence.  (The Guardian:  Russia hackers discussed getting Clinton emails to Michael Flynn – report)

You only think you're gullible.  You're not really gullible ... unless you're one of this girl's friends.  (NY Daily News:  UK woman found guilty at retrial for using fake penis, blindfold to trick female friend into sex)

Venus Williams is charged with almost exactly the same thing as Caitlyn Jenner (i.e. death to another due to an automobile accident you caused) and Jenner got away with it.  So how do you think that will break out for Williams.  (RT:   Venus Williams involved in fatal car crash in Florida)

If you think you will be safe from quack medicine with the Old Order Amish, you might want to review your medical support framework.  (Lexington Herald:  Amish farmer sold herbal health products. He’s going to prison for 6 years.)

Tip No. 1 on those health products:  he said they cure cancer.

Tip No 2. on those health products:  they don't cure anything.

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