Friday, September 15, 2017

It Gets Harder but Still Plodding Down the Trail to #Blotto

Disclaimer: this is straight-up writing of active lung cancer in me but nothing in the #Blotto set of articles has been written with thoughts of trying to shock or disturb.


There's been a great deal of change during the time since the daily report yesterday and I wrote a second #Blotto in the morning to see the whole of it.  I had an idea at the time of the daily #Blotto last evening things were going wrong but that didn't really blow until later in the evening as in the second #Blotto.  I don't believe I was holding out on you last evening since I really wasn't sure what was happening.



I stopped all medicines including morphine yesterday since, wtf, I'm afraid of the morphine making the problem worse.  I've just now resumed the morphine and the anti-nausea med since the late night was bloody painful and I would have cheerfully asked anyone to take me out and shoot me since nothing is worth that.  The abstention was stupidly brave even if motivated by fear since the premise behind hospice is they will alleviate pain as much as possible until ultimately I disappear in nonsense but I'm already clear that's acceptable so that shows the lack of sense in resisting.

Regardless of whatever else comes in the #Blotto, it remains my determination to find something beautiful to balance it and you will see that in #Blotto #2.  I thought it was kind of comical when a hospice nurse came by to do the assessment of my situation and he asked why didn't I use the liquid morphine since it seems logical to me if I'm afraid of morphine then I'll be afraid regardless of the form in which it comes.


Larry King is eighty three and he has just revealed he has had essentially the same problem as mine.  Surgeons removed the cancerous upper lobe of one lung and he hopes to go another twenty years now.  I wish him well and hope he succeeds but his life is vastly different than mine and any considerations of Quality of Life likely differ considerably.  He also had the good sense to quit smoking maybe twenty years ago.  His joie de vivre is a joy to behold but it doesn't bring second thoughts of Life, the Universe, and Everything for me.  I fervently hope his choice works for him even when it's not my choice.


Mystery Lady and I talked earlier today.  That's rare since she doesn't have many opportunities and her computer access may have disappeared altogether.  There was time to bitch about texting since it gives her troubles by making stupid word substitutions she didn't want in the first place.  The iPhone actually does fairly well with its substitutions since it really is intelligent about it.

Zen Yogi:  but you still hate texting?

Right you are, Yogi, and so does ML.  We're old Boomers so it's our right, mate.


It usually takes about an hour to write one of these #Blotto articles and there may be some benefit to the morphine since the paragraph above but, so long as it doesn't make me sick again, I'm ok with it.

Zen Yogi:  so you can hack it?

I'm hacking it now, mate.  You know from #Blotto #2 I won't omit anything and the situation now is definitely that I can hack it.  Pain should mitigate after maybe another half hour.  Then I can get back to the preferred activity for the moment.

Zen Yogi:  sleeping?

Right you are, Yogi.


Much love to everybody.

No comments: