Disclaimer: this is straight-up writing of active lung cancer in me but nothing in the #Blotto set of articles has been written with thoughts of trying to shock or disturb. I am using in-home hospice and that's the best circumstance I could hope relative to being in a hospice clinic or, worst of all, to be admitted to a hospital.
The worse things get in a physical sense, the more they bring the gentle in the determination to present this with elegance. It's unfair to you on an informational basis to whitewash the pain which comes in the background although I regard it as egregiously inelegant to review the symptomatic aspects of that. However, it is informational in terms of that which tries to mitigate the situation also exacerbates the symptoms. Morphine is powerful for relief of pain but it also brings a strong risk of constipation. That steadily worsens since it seems everything I try to eat just makes it worse.
My reaction to any problem is to immediately stop the morphine and that handily rules out addiction even when addiction doesn't matter anymore. The actual symptoms of severe constipation are absolutely revolting and extremely painful but detailing them is pointlessly inelegant and has no informational value. Those situations are what take me to the point of believing this isn't worth it and it's time to make it end.
Note for repeated emphasis: marijuana does nothing of any palliative benefit in terms of mitigating pain but without providing any medical remedy. Marijuana may bring palliative goodness to people with fibromyalgia and such things but I have no experience with that and cannot comment.
That there isn't a pit of despair in the Rockhouse is directly attributable to the unexpected love which comes especially from the Pilgrims but also from people who cannot come but would. While the disgusting reality reduces the Quality of Life, all of that love increases it and so the continuing determination to stay with you all.
I'm ecstatic over the Saturday pilgrimage by Tinkerbell and Seraphin and I laud their courage, as with all of the Pilgrims, in facing an unknown thing. I'm sure it will be special as with each pilgrimage before them and it will be that way with everything I can bring. The survival is the love is the giving and I still think I can manage some surprises. Do count on that.
With the last pilgrimage, I told them there are surprises. Yevette asked if I would tell them what they are but I declined ... because then they're not surprises anymore. That got smiles.
For today's morning delight, have Exclara's Instant Breakfast which is liquid morphine. I've just tried some of that and the dose is much lower than the timed release pill but it's effect is immediate.
Zen Yogi: this isn't morning, Silas
In the Rockhouse, morning is whenever I want, mate. Doing this six times a day is the same as the prescribed dose so it gets copacetic and soon I will sleep.
Zen Yogi: for another morning?
Yep
Zen Yogi: what if it doesn't come?
It will since I'll know when it won't.
Hendrix plays from the Rainbow Bridge and his notion of it is the one I have always loved since it has nothing to do with death so much as a shining bridge to peace. My paltry telling of it in "The Edge of the World in Fort Worth" isn't a cover of any of this but it's a telling of the Sanctuary and thus it is in tribute to him, fifty years later. Morphine is giving some relief but I was thinking of this set before that and now I can listen.
The set at Rainbow Bridge in Hawaii is the best trippin' movie I ever heard and "Hey Baby" has a lyrical mysticism which has been a guide ever since I first heard it. I missed much of this in real since I was in the Army from '70 to '72, when the era was really bangin'. Nevertheless, I could hear it and through the movie see it for a vision which has lasted all my life without tarnish. If anything it has grown brighter.
Much love to you all.
The worse things get in a physical sense, the more they bring the gentle in the determination to present this with elegance. It's unfair to you on an informational basis to whitewash the pain which comes in the background although I regard it as egregiously inelegant to review the symptomatic aspects of that. However, it is informational in terms of that which tries to mitigate the situation also exacerbates the symptoms. Morphine is powerful for relief of pain but it also brings a strong risk of constipation. That steadily worsens since it seems everything I try to eat just makes it worse.
My reaction to any problem is to immediately stop the morphine and that handily rules out addiction even when addiction doesn't matter anymore. The actual symptoms of severe constipation are absolutely revolting and extremely painful but detailing them is pointlessly inelegant and has no informational value. Those situations are what take me to the point of believing this isn't worth it and it's time to make it end.
Note for repeated emphasis: marijuana does nothing of any palliative benefit in terms of mitigating pain but without providing any medical remedy. Marijuana may bring palliative goodness to people with fibromyalgia and such things but I have no experience with that and cannot comment.
That there isn't a pit of despair in the Rockhouse is directly attributable to the unexpected love which comes especially from the Pilgrims but also from people who cannot come but would. While the disgusting reality reduces the Quality of Life, all of that love increases it and so the continuing determination to stay with you all.
I'm ecstatic over the Saturday pilgrimage by Tinkerbell and Seraphin and I laud their courage, as with all of the Pilgrims, in facing an unknown thing. I'm sure it will be special as with each pilgrimage before them and it will be that way with everything I can bring. The survival is the love is the giving and I still think I can manage some surprises. Do count on that.
With the last pilgrimage, I told them there are surprises. Yevette asked if I would tell them what they are but I declined ... because then they're not surprises anymore. That got smiles.
For today's morning delight, have Exclara's Instant Breakfast which is liquid morphine. I've just tried some of that and the dose is much lower than the timed release pill but it's effect is immediate.
Zen Yogi: this isn't morning, Silas
In the Rockhouse, morning is whenever I want, mate. Doing this six times a day is the same as the prescribed dose so it gets copacetic and soon I will sleep.
Zen Yogi: for another morning?
Yep
Zen Yogi: what if it doesn't come?
It will since I'll know when it won't.
Hendrix plays from the Rainbow Bridge and his notion of it is the one I have always loved since it has nothing to do with death so much as a shining bridge to peace. My paltry telling of it in "The Edge of the World in Fort Worth" isn't a cover of any of this but it's a telling of the Sanctuary and thus it is in tribute to him, fifty years later. Morphine is giving some relief but I was thinking of this set before that and now I can listen.
The set at Rainbow Bridge in Hawaii is the best trippin' movie I ever heard and "Hey Baby" has a lyrical mysticism which has been a guide ever since I first heard it. I missed much of this in real since I was in the Army from '70 to '72, when the era was really bangin'. Nevertheless, I could hear it and through the movie see it for a vision which has lasted all my life without tarnish. If anything it has grown brighter.
Much love to you all.
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