Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Obama Announces Plans to Bomb ISIS on Mars

Recent evidence uncovered by NASA's Martian rovers reveals the presence of ISIS even on Mars.  As soon as the first report reached the White House, Obama issued a statement.

"It doesn't matter which country or planet on which anyone lives when they hate the United States as we will find that country or planet and bomb the fuck out of it."

When reminded a lot of countries hate the U.S., Obama replied, "That's ok.  I've got a lot of bombs."

When NASA warned the bombing would create a 'power vacuum' on Mars, Obama said, "Two points on that, Space Cow:"
  1. Mars is already pretty close to a vacuum so I can bomb as much as I like and that's good as I like bombing a lot.
  2. The Iraqi Prime Minister talked about power vacuums too.  (CNN:  Iraqi PM: Don't create terror vacuum)
He continued to say, "Let's review.  al-Abadi, the Iraqi Prime Minister, is still breathing, right?  See, no fuckin' vacuum.  Now you take that Hussein, he knows a vacuum.  We pulled his head clean off his fuckin' body.  How's your 'power vacuum' now, Falafel Boy?"

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