The mainstream news has become so salty with rubbish reports and distorted facts that freak news can't survive in it anymore. When so much time is spent poring over a couple of psychos who didn't even kill as many people as a halfway decent bus crash, there's no room for the guy who said he will eat all the balls from a pool table. He started with billiards, worked his way up to eight ball, and now says he is ready for the full rack. "Rack 'em up," he says, ever so confidently.
There was a guy who was listing off left-wing shooters in American history as if he is playing baseball cards. He had six names so apparently he thinks he can win when he has only 1.7% of the cards.
That elicited the following response:
Oh joy, human death treated as if it's a baseball game. Such a glorious respect for life but it matches its political bias with the absence of the teams with the biggest body counts and let's have a drum roll for Tim McVeigh.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a big round of applause for Tim McVeigh, the Once and Future King of Civilian Slaughter in the U.S.
By the way, honey, there were more than a three hundred and fifty mass killings in the last two or three years, please bring all your mass killer baseball cards to the next game or we will simply have to judge you in contempt of facts. And, uh, thanks.
There was a guy who was listing off left-wing shooters in American history as if he is playing baseball cards. He had six names so apparently he thinks he can win when he has only 1.7% of the cards.
That elicited the following response:
Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a big round of applause for Tim McVeigh, the Once and Future King of Civilian Slaughter in the U.S.
By the way, honey, there were more than a three hundred and fifty mass killings in the last two or three years, please bring all your mass killer baseball cards to the next game or we will simply have to judge you in contempt of facts. And, uh, thanks.
Maestro, rim shot, please.
Note: the above was regarding shooters in America so the team from Afghanistan can't play in this match.
The news has really sucked lately for anything interesting. There's so much same ol', same ol' in it we may actually have to consider doing something productive. Larry Wilmore can make it funny but there's a sad fact to this ... I ain't Larry Wilmore.
As to who gets the title for the Comedy Channel King after Jon Stewart left, it is no longer in doubt. It seemed like Noah Trevor would be the one but he lacks an important factor: he's not funny. Larry Wilmore is a cracker and, here at the Rockhouse, we see him joining the Ultimate Comedy Kings: Jon Stewart, John Oliver, and, now, Larry Wilmore.
(Ed: what about Colbert and the Late Night Boys?)
They sold out for small change and started pimping politicians. There's never comedy in that, only communicable diseases and a life of drunken despair.
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