You used an elf on a shelf to spy on me and I hate you, asshole.
Am I fucking adopted or what? You couldn't be my real parents.
Parents who really love their kids get them hoverboards so they can get themselves killed when they are run over by city buses.
Instead, I get fucking elf on a shelf, a damn spy so you can watch me from somewhere else and pretend you're parenting. Fuck you!
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