Sunday, December 27, 2015

Things I Never Heard Seinfeld Say

The Rolling Stones gave us a list of fifteen phrases which became part of the culture because of Seinfeld.  In part that's because of Seinfeld and in part because people have some neurotic need to make fucking lists at the end of the year.  (Rolling Stone:  Close Talkers and Double Dippers: 15 Phrases 'Seinfeld' Spawned)


And here's a list of the poor bastards who croaked in 2015.

Well, I guess they won't fucking see 2016, will they.  No soup for them.

I don't understand why the Soup Nazi won't let you have your soup.  I'm sure there must be a blazing lesson in life for me but I'm not expecting to find so many of those in the soup so I confess I have not looked so hard.


There was 'regifting' and I have heard this word sometimes, quite a bit this year, but never gave much thought to its origin.  All I get from the word is someone is such an asshole that something he hated for Christmas will be saved for a whole damn year just to give it to someone who, presumably, he really doesn't like.  The concept works well for explaining why you get so many woks at a wedding.

It doesn't explain anything as what kind of sick fuck really does that.  If you're such a cheap bastard, how many wedding invitations are you likely to get anyway.

(Ed:  try 'whimsical nonsense' for size)

It smells more like smug buffoonery to me but maybe.


One from Seinfeld I knew definitely is owned by him is 'yada yada yada' which may the most brainless and annoying expression in use anywhere at any time.  It's only useful for telling me something so boring much of it doesn't even need to be retold ... so why fucking tell me any of it.  Yada yada yada, yer ass.  If you're so bereft of storytelling ability you use such an expression then maybe it would be better to take up mime ... as then someone will shoot you.


We were advised once excessive cleverness causes hemorrhoids but we can't say for sure.  We do know the incidence is higher in New York City ... yada yada yada.


Yah, and "South Park" ... for that one I can't even understand what those little fuckers are saying.  Friends have been saying for years and years they're so funny, you've got to watch.  I really did watch too but understanding what the hell they're saying is something else.

Trying too hard wasn't going to happen because people also told me "The Sopranos" was such a good show and I did see Tony Soprano with that damn duck in his swimming pool.  Gangsters are "Goodfellas" and not some fat ass with a duck in his pool.


Nope, never grokked "The Simpsons" and it seemed like Homer was getting some comedy out of go ahead and fail, you will anyway.  That's kind of comical but still couldn't follow it.


I never watched "Dallas" either.  I have also never had sex with a Mormon.  I'm not sure if these facts are related although they have to be more connected than a gangster and a duck.

No Peking Duck for him, I guess.


(Ed:  he croaked this year)

Well, I also guess he will be on that precious year-end list.  It sucks bad enough to croak but then you have to be on one of those fucking lists.


More than anything, Seinfeld gave us the language of smug and that's not so becoming on people.

There's a whole lot of smug flying about.  Clinton must buy it in gallon-size jugs and Trump must be getting intravenous injections of it.


Maybe I seem smug but tragic is more like it because the language is the limit of our vision.  If there is something it cannot describe then we make up another word to describe this new thing.  Deliberately constraining the language to Seinfeldisms, corporate lingo or any other type of simplistic abomination of that nature necessarily reduces one's worldview because of the limited ability to express it.

Yah, tragic is more like it.  This isn't weepy soup-making tragedy but rather tragic like how can you dream big when your words aren't big enough to imagine it.  Now that is fookin' tragic.

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