Comparing Texas to Bethlehem is much like comparing a burning pit of hell to the Garden of Eden but the weather in Texas at least matches Bethlehem just now.
Christmas Eve in Texas brings us a temperature of 72F with bright, sunny skies and grass almost the lovely color of marijuana ... but isn't. That's ok as reefer would be wasted for a lawn although it would be kind of cool to get a buzz simply from mowing it.
We don't do cold at the Rockhouse. We should be well-suited for it since we're such inbred Scottish mutts our families on both sides go back five hundred and maybe a thousand years in Scotland. Every chromosome in my corpus should be tuned to the most miserable, rainy, cold weather on the planet ... but ... we ain't. We hate it.
Palm trees grow in some parts of Ireland (true) but the only thing which grows in Scotland is mildew.
Green is good. Warm is good. And you can keep that fookin' snow somewhere we don't have to shovel it because cutting grass is bad enough but shoveling snow is just completely fucking pointless. Use your energy to go somewhere you don't have to do it, young weather slave.
Consider your situation, Snow Shoveler. If you live anywhere with more than a centimeter of snowfall each year there is one thing we know for sure will happen: some lazy asshat will get a snowblower and bug the living hell out of you with it really early on Sunday mornings. Do keep in mind, it's not typically legal, except in Texas, to shoot anyone for doing that even though it would be sooooo righteous for the gene pool to eliminate such people.
Note: these are the same people who edge their lawns and plant flowers in rows. They are almost certainly androids. Avoid them.
We have experienced snow country ... and ... have lived in it long enough to passionately hate it.
You know how it goes. You shoveled that driveway and those sidewalks for so damn long you have even chucked your parka because you're overheated from all that backbreaking work. It's especially grand with a wet snow just to make that horrid substance as heavy as possible.
As soon as you get through with your thankless labors, you figure you can go inside to blow a nice bowl and watch Huckleberry Hound cartoons ... but ... what really happens. The fucking snowplow comes down the street, pushing all the snow off the road, and now you've got a three-foot hard-packed snow/ice wall at the bottom of your driveway and now you're right back where you started: you still can't get your fucking car out of the driveway.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas ... in no fucking way whatsoever!
So, y'all get down to shoveling yer white Christmas but, here at the Rockhouse, we will celebrate the way we like. It's about time to blow a bowl of the prime grade and watch Huckleberry Hound.
Christmas Eve in Texas brings us a temperature of 72F with bright, sunny skies and grass almost the lovely color of marijuana ... but isn't. That's ok as reefer would be wasted for a lawn although it would be kind of cool to get a buzz simply from mowing it.
We don't do cold at the Rockhouse. We should be well-suited for it since we're such inbred Scottish mutts our families on both sides go back five hundred and maybe a thousand years in Scotland. Every chromosome in my corpus should be tuned to the most miserable, rainy, cold weather on the planet ... but ... we ain't. We hate it.
Palm trees grow in some parts of Ireland (true) but the only thing which grows in Scotland is mildew.
Green is good. Warm is good. And you can keep that fookin' snow somewhere we don't have to shovel it because cutting grass is bad enough but shoveling snow is just completely fucking pointless. Use your energy to go somewhere you don't have to do it, young weather slave.
Consider your situation, Snow Shoveler. If you live anywhere with more than a centimeter of snowfall each year there is one thing we know for sure will happen: some lazy asshat will get a snowblower and bug the living hell out of you with it really early on Sunday mornings. Do keep in mind, it's not typically legal, except in Texas, to shoot anyone for doing that even though it would be sooooo righteous for the gene pool to eliminate such people.
Note: these are the same people who edge their lawns and plant flowers in rows. They are almost certainly androids. Avoid them.
We have experienced snow country ... and ... have lived in it long enough to passionately hate it.
You know how it goes. You shoveled that driveway and those sidewalks for so damn long you have even chucked your parka because you're overheated from all that backbreaking work. It's especially grand with a wet snow just to make that horrid substance as heavy as possible.
As soon as you get through with your thankless labors, you figure you can go inside to blow a nice bowl and watch Huckleberry Hound cartoons ... but ... what really happens. The fucking snowplow comes down the street, pushing all the snow off the road, and now you've got a three-foot hard-packed snow/ice wall at the bottom of your driveway and now you're right back where you started: you still can't get your fucking car out of the driveway.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas ... in no fucking way whatsoever!
So, y'all get down to shoveling yer white Christmas but, here at the Rockhouse, we will celebrate the way we like. It's about time to blow a bowl of the prime grade and watch Huckleberry Hound.
2 comments:
When it comes to Christmas
Laughing Gecko is tops
He would be a great Santa Claus!
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