Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Lesbian Tomb Raiders of Mars

As you have probably gathered from the title, the People from the Future have been visiting again and this time we were discoursing on the matter of the Great Martian Schism of 2083 when Mars just got fed-up with all the shit from Earth.

As you know, colonization of Mars was completed in the late 30s and the colony was self-sufficient twenty years later.  From that time forward, Earth demanded raw materials and even finished products from Mars but refused to pay a fair price since there was only one way to deliver such materials and Earth controlled it.

The new Martians had named their colony Arrakeen in anticipation of the vision which ultimately came since the deal with Earth had not been fair but it had still brought great riches.  However, in time the deal with Earth got progressively more unfair so in 2083 they advised Earth, "You cannot continue treating Mars like an African diamond mine.  We will deal fairly or we will not deal at all."

Earth strongly protested, "You will accept our terms since you are citizens of the United Terran States and you are bound by treaty in any case."

Mars immediately retorted, "Talk about treaties with the Indians, General Roly Poly.  The only flag flying over Arrakeen is that of Arrakis."

The General, now furious, shouted, "We will nuke you until Mars shines like another star in the sky."

Mars just laughed at him and said, "Our Doomsday Bomb is an asteroid the size of Texas.  Sleep well, snookums."

They didn't hear any more from Earth after that.

Arrakeen flourished in the years which followed and they attributed their success to their initial proscriptions against nuclear weapons, infectious diseases, and social networks.  Their communities were large but diverse and were perennially creative in devising novel ways to greet the future.  Even with this vibrant exploratory spirit, it still took them over a century to discover the caverns deep underground where the original Martian prophet kings had lived.

After a tens of millions of years had passed, there was no chance of reviving or resuscitating life from that time but there were discoveries of an exotic and mystical nature which the cave explorers did not understand.  From that point forward, the passages to the deep caverns were sealed and no-one was permitted to enter them even for the purpose of scientific research.

There was an uneasy perception of the deep caverns everywhere since there were stories of secrets which could yield immense wealth and power.  Those types of stories seem always to pop up around such mysteries but there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow just enough times that people keep believing them.

One of the locations with the greatest interest in the deep caverns was in Lesbos, another of the names which had been inevitable for Mars.  The Ladies of Lesbos were deeply-involved with mysticism but were deeply uninvolved with men, so much so that a sign near the entrance to their settlement read, "We do not need men.  If that should ever change, we will order some in a test tube from Mars Amazon.  Go away."

It was in the isolation of Lesbos that they came up with the idea of raiding the ancient Martian tombs of the prophet kings and so they set out to do so.

Regrettably, there was some really stupid news about Syria at that time and the People of the Future got pissed off so they split.  They were muttering as they left, "Bush league amateurs ..."

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