Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Waffle House Settles It That No Bald White Man Ever Looked Cool

When I arrived at Waffle House, the payoff after any day of medical misery, there was a white guy holding forth about how white guys never look cool when we're bald.  He was one of the Waffle House employees and he was apparently getting off shift so this gave him the freedom to hold court.  He was arguing the point with two black guys who also worked for Waffle House.

No-one had taken my order at that point since all were caught up in the discussion.  There were two white women, one an employee and the other customer, who were amused but not so engaged.  One was my server but she was engaged enough that the conversation took priority.

The surprising part is the black guys were arguing, yes, there are white men who look cool bald but then they started trying to come up with one.

I was listening as the conversation continued and with some amusement since the premise is the same thing generally as Lotho has said that black guys look menacing when they're bald but white guys look ridiculous.

Mostly white guys shave their heads because they think it makes them look young.  The bald ones do it to show that baldness who's boss by shaving the rest of their hair.  The others do it because young men often have short hair to pretend they're military.  Either way, you wind up with a population of white guys who look like complete idiots.

Delilah doesn't have to cut Samson's hair these days since he will do it himself.


After some time, there was the offer from the cook that John Travolta looked cool bald but I've never seen him that way.  Apparently that was for a role in a movie I didn't see but, after "Swordfish," Travolta never had to make another one.

I decided it was time to enter the fray and I said, "I have to words which will settle this ... Isaac Hayes."

That shut everyone up and there was peace throughout the Waffle House.

Ed:  and you got something to eat?

That too


The subject was in the air anyway since the time at VA was torturous and mostly because I needed to kill a whole lot of time between appointments.  The urology clinic waiting room has two sections and each has a television.  One was blaring some sports yokel who was trying to make a case for the existence of Jesus or some damn thing.  He was even annoying from the other side of the room.  The other TV had a couple of bald, ugly ass, white guys and I wondered why the hell anyone would watch them.

Answer:  they're cooks.  If you talk about food, you will always get an audience in America and, what do you know, they did.

Ed:  so they're rich, fat, ugly ass, white guys?

Roger that.

The program was "The Chew" which may give some idea of what the Marvel comics crew does when it's not making movies with more special effects than story.  That show is a sure hit with some major cerebros.


A day which was predicted to be shitty didn't turn as shitty as it could get since I didn't get busted.  Yevette couldn't go over there because of her recent surgery.  I may have neglected to mention I haven't had a drivers license for about a year and a half.  These Texans probably have drivers licenses but they can't drive worth a damn and Mister Purple almost got me today.

I noticed a hideous purple station wagon and then I noticed it was a Merc so I knew, definitely, the AntiChrist is driving that eyesore of a vehicle.  AntiChrist must have been feeling competitive since I was in the fast lane keeping my distance from other vehicles and he pulled up alongside me.  His determination to get to the fast lane overwhelmed his minimal thinking skills so he started to change lanes ... to the same place I was.

You get some ESP about it after you have spent enough time driving with these numb nuts and you know, yep, that one will do something stupid.


The joy of the day was a cystoscopy and, yes, that's the one in which they thread a camera up the urethra from your penis.  If that doesn't light up your joy joy feelings, I don't know what will.

It was surprisingly not as bad as I thought since I had assumed there would be an injection for some type of anesthetic and a needle to the tallywhacker must bring joy joy beyond anything humans are allowed to experience.

But that didn't happen and the procedure was done in about five minutes.

From that it was learned there is zero evidence of cancer so, in a few short weeks, the forward and rear exit portals have been validated and no cancer was discovered in either case.

I'm not off the hook since the last few weeks have also blessed me with an invitation to more surgery and it's the skin cancer again.  This time it's more exotic with a Mohs procedure and that's when they do a biopsy doing the course of the procedure.  If it comes back positive then they go deeper and they repeat until it's gone.  There's no drama since this isn't the first time with Mr Mohs but it's been a while.

Perhaps you wonder at revealing any of this but hopefully you see it's less scary than people usually imagine.

You hear all kinds of stuff about a colonoscopy, often presented with the implication of powerful heterosexuality, but there's really nothing to it and, amazingly enough, my proclivities did not change and my attraction to manflesh is no greater than it ever was.  Yeah, boy, kissing a face with whiskers ... I can sure see how that lights yer fire, Liberace.

The cystoscopy had me moderately spooked and it turned out to be uncomfortable but not intolerably horrible and actually turned out to be interesting.  The display came up on a video monitor and the doctor explained what he was seeing.  He was highly sensitive and ensured I was clear there was no significant anomaly as soon as he knew it.  He then gave some detail about the things he was seeing and that was surprisingly interesting.

Ed:  so it could be a robo from Mars sending the image to the monitor or it could be the doctor with a cystoscope and you will watch either way?

Roger that.  I saw some regular daytime TV and it was a horror.  It looks like there's major potential for establishing a TV network which is nothing but a twenty-four hour dog show.

Yeah, I know ... you might watch that too.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yul Bruner. Vin Diesel
short list
Yaphet Kotto Ving Rhames ad infinitum

Unknown said...

Easy win for the other team. Mentioning Isaac Hayes stops it every time. It probably isn't possible to get cooler than him.