We don't even like Christopher Columbus so let's kill him off right away.
Whoops ... someone already did.
Looks like that was the last Columbus Day. Doesn't look like anyone will miss him.
Oh, oh, yah ... you want the 'gasms. Of course you do. Even Christopher Columbus did. Too bad he got an axe in the head.
There are multiple reports of a Hawaiian mushroom which has exceptional powers that go well beyond hallucinations in geometric patterns. In a study, when women smelled the mushroom, the reaction was a little different. Six women in a trial group of sixteen had spontaneous orgasms when they smelled it. (7Deadly: This Mushroom Gives Women Mind-blowing Orgasms Just From Sniffing It)
Let's repeat that, darlin': spontaneous orgasms.
Well ...
Yah, we know what you're thinking, who cares if men don't like the smell of this stuff. They're going to have to fookin' live with it.
But ... then you ask ... is it real?
Well ... let's take a look at WIKI because Snopes doesn't have anything.
Ding ... ding ... ding
WIKI article reports on the results of the original paper which makes the claim but there is nothing disputing those results. Get a load of the title, you'll love this. (WIKI: Phallus indusiatus)
Phallus indusiatis. Well ... I don't know Latin but I know the words for 'busy penis' when I see them.
Sure ... I could be working up a prank here ... but what if I'm not, sugar. How about that??
The 7Deadly article shows what the mushroom does. It probably gives you that moist-looking lipstick too.
Oh, and if you have time before booking your ticket to Hawaii, we do have space aliens. If you would turn your attention upward and locate the constellation, Lyra the Harp.
(Ed: where?)
How do I know. It's up there somewhere.
So, you find Lyra the Harp and close to it is a star you can't see.
(Ed: why look for it if I can't see it?)
We just want you to know it's there.
(Ed: I still don't know it's there. I can't fookin' see it!)
Well, Lyra the Harp is cool.
(Ed: you're crazy)
Sure I am. They pay me to do this (larfs).
So, what's happening on the star you can't see is there are many huge objects apparently in orbit around it. There is no other star known to astronomy which shows this phenomenon.
That can only mean one thing: space aliens (The Atlantic: The Most Mysterious Star in Our Galaxy)
Moral of the Story: go to Hawaii. Smoke lots of Maui Wowee. Sniff lots of spontaneous orgasms.
Go to "The Martian" and when it gets to that really bleak part, give yourself a spontaneous orgasm in the movie house.
(Ed: what bleak part?)
How should I know but he gets stuck on Mars. There's got to be a bleak part.
(Ed: so why should Suzy Creamcheeze get all flustered by that?)
Matt Damon has a 160 IQ. I'm sure she can improvise.
(Ed: serious?)
Yep, he comes in with a flat 160. Stephen Hawking is only a shade higher at 163.
That's ok as Raquel Welch clocks at 180 but James Woods kills them all with a clock speed of 184.
Good chance Hedy Lamarr smoked all of them as her mind was incandescent. She is one of the most incredibly beautiful women ever to appear in a Hollywood movie ... as you can see ... she's timeless.
Of course you're thinking about her mind, Dagwood.
Get this:
During her first marriage, Lamarr developed a keen interest in applied science, and bored by her acting career, utilized this knowledge as an inventor. At the commencement of World War II, keen to aid the Allied war effort, she identified jamming of Allied radio communications by the Axis as a particular problem, and, with composer George Antheil, developed spread spectrum and frequency hopping technology to defeat it. Though the US Navy did not adopt the technology until the 1960s, the principles of her work are now incorporated into modern Wi-Fi, CDMA and Bluetooth technology, and this work led to her being inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2014.
The lady was one first order genius.
(Ed: what does this have to do with spontaneous orgasms?)
Dagwood, are you fookin' serious??
Whoops ... someone already did.
Looks like that was the last Columbus Day. Doesn't look like anyone will miss him.
Oh, oh, yah ... you want the 'gasms. Of course you do. Even Christopher Columbus did. Too bad he got an axe in the head.
There are multiple reports of a Hawaiian mushroom which has exceptional powers that go well beyond hallucinations in geometric patterns. In a study, when women smelled the mushroom, the reaction was a little different. Six women in a trial group of sixteen had spontaneous orgasms when they smelled it. (7Deadly: This Mushroom Gives Women Mind-blowing Orgasms Just From Sniffing It)
Let's repeat that, darlin': spontaneous orgasms.
Well ...
Yah, we know what you're thinking, who cares if men don't like the smell of this stuff. They're going to have to fookin' live with it.
But ... then you ask ... is it real?
Well ... let's take a look at WIKI because Snopes doesn't have anything.
Ding ... ding ... ding
WIKI article reports on the results of the original paper which makes the claim but there is nothing disputing those results. Get a load of the title, you'll love this. (WIKI: Phallus indusiatus)
Phallus indusiatis. Well ... I don't know Latin but I know the words for 'busy penis' when I see them.
Sure ... I could be working up a prank here ... but what if I'm not, sugar. How about that??
The 7Deadly article shows what the mushroom does. It probably gives you that moist-looking lipstick too.
Oh, and if you have time before booking your ticket to Hawaii, we do have space aliens. If you would turn your attention upward and locate the constellation, Lyra the Harp.
(Ed: where?)
How do I know. It's up there somewhere.
So, you find Lyra the Harp and close to it is a star you can't see.
(Ed: why look for it if I can't see it?)
We just want you to know it's there.
(Ed: I still don't know it's there. I can't fookin' see it!)
Well, Lyra the Harp is cool.
(Ed: you're crazy)
Sure I am. They pay me to do this (larfs).
So, what's happening on the star you can't see is there are many huge objects apparently in orbit around it. There is no other star known to astronomy which shows this phenomenon.
That can only mean one thing: space aliens (The Atlantic: The Most Mysterious Star in Our Galaxy)
Moral of the Story: go to Hawaii. Smoke lots of Maui Wowee. Sniff lots of spontaneous orgasms.
Go to "The Martian" and when it gets to that really bleak part, give yourself a spontaneous orgasm in the movie house.
(Ed: what bleak part?)
How should I know but he gets stuck on Mars. There's got to be a bleak part.
(Ed: so why should Suzy Creamcheeze get all flustered by that?)
Matt Damon has a 160 IQ. I'm sure she can improvise.
(Ed: serious?)
Yep, he comes in with a flat 160. Stephen Hawking is only a shade higher at 163.
That's ok as Raquel Welch clocks at 180 but James Woods kills them all with a clock speed of 184.
Good chance Hedy Lamarr smoked all of them as her mind was incandescent. She is one of the most incredibly beautiful women ever to appear in a Hollywood movie ... as you can see ... she's timeless.
Of course you're thinking about her mind, Dagwood.
Get this:
During her first marriage, Lamarr developed a keen interest in applied science, and bored by her acting career, utilized this knowledge as an inventor. At the commencement of World War II, keen to aid the Allied war effort, she identified jamming of Allied radio communications by the Axis as a particular problem, and, with composer George Antheil, developed spread spectrum and frequency hopping technology to defeat it. Though the US Navy did not adopt the technology until the 1960s, the principles of her work are now incorporated into modern Wi-Fi, CDMA and Bluetooth technology, and this work led to her being inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2014.
The lady was one first order genius.
(Ed: what does this have to do with spontaneous orgasms?)
Dagwood, are you fookin' serious??
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