What's the Charge, Officer?

Officer Muldowney:  you're under arrest for being a man impersonating a dog

Dog Man:  you're a dog impersonating a man!  What's your point?

Officer Muldowney:  get this, Dog Man.  I'm a white man with a badge and a gun so that gives me the right to fuck your shit up any time I feel like it.

Dog Man:  well, that's news, isn't it


Note:  yes, that bit was partly stolen from "48 Hours" and Eddie Murphy.


The rest of the fauna on the Group W bench:

If you're not familiar with the Group W bench then you didn't listen to "Alice's Restaurant" all the way through, did yewwww?




And I walked over to the bench there, and there's... 
Group W is where they 
Put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committin' 
Your special crime.

- "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie



Note:  there are some live versions on YouTube but they disabled embedding so, wtf, who needs any link back to them.  It bites my ass when people pimp his show and try to pull click charges from it.  Like they added one damn thing to that show.

Ed:  put them on the Group W bench?

That could work ...

There was all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly-lookin' people on the bench there . 
. . there was mother-rapers . . . father-stabbers . . . father-rapers! 
FATHER-RAPERS sittin' right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean 
And nasty and ugly and horrible and crime fightin' guys were sittin' there 
On the bench, and the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one . . . the meanest 
Father-raper of them all . . . was comin' over to me, and he was mean and 
Ugly and nasty and horrible and all kinds of things, and he sat down next to 
Me. He said, "Kid, what'd you get?"

I said, "I didn't get nothin'. I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the 
Garbage."

He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" and I said, "Litterin'"' . . . . 

And they all moved away from me on the bench there, with the hairy eyeball 
And all kinds of mean, nasty things, till I said, "And creatin' a nuisance . 
. . " And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the 
Bench talkin' about crime, mother-stabbin', father-rapin', . . . all kinds 
Of groovy things that we was talkin' about on the bench, and everything was 
Fine.

- Arlo Guthrie