Jetzt ist es wärmer in Munich als Fort Worth. Aiiyyeeeee!
(Now it's warmer in Munich than Fort Worth)
And so goes the Great Texas Blizzard of 2013
If you're in Texas and you haven't already got in a supply of fresh milk, bread, and toilet paper to last you through this disaster then you're too late and you're going to die. Sorry.
Texans would like to call this snow but this is not snow. This is crud. The only thing you can do with this stuff is slip and fall thereby breaking your coccyx. That's the bone in your backside that has absolutely nothing to do with any part of your life ... until you fall on your ass and break it. Then it hurts like blazing hell.
Various measures are already in effect as all flights from Texas have been canceled and perhaps even flights over Texas will be canceled. There is also rationing of chewing tobacco effective immediately.
Here at the TTBSH (Team Texas Blizzard Survival Headquarters) there are some important, life-saving tasks we hope to accomplish and the first of which is distributing one million copies of "Snow Driving for Cowboys" as there's one problem with cowboys driving on snow: they suck at it.
And, Merle, leave the pickup truck at home. They don't handle worth a damn on a dry road much less a wet one.
We are also trying to collect all the known copies of "The Cowboys Sing White Christmas." The song isn't so terrible but the group hug at the end gives a little more information about cowboys than any of us really needs.
So, please do send money ... or toilet paper ... to the TTBSH so we can help Texas through this disaster.
(Now it's warmer in Munich than Fort Worth)
And so goes the Great Texas Blizzard of 2013
If you're in Texas and you haven't already got in a supply of fresh milk, bread, and toilet paper to last you through this disaster then you're too late and you're going to die. Sorry.
Texans would like to call this snow but this is not snow. This is crud. The only thing you can do with this stuff is slip and fall thereby breaking your coccyx. That's the bone in your backside that has absolutely nothing to do with any part of your life ... until you fall on your ass and break it. Then it hurts like blazing hell.
Various measures are already in effect as all flights from Texas have been canceled and perhaps even flights over Texas will be canceled. There is also rationing of chewing tobacco effective immediately.
Here at the TTBSH (Team Texas Blizzard Survival Headquarters) there are some important, life-saving tasks we hope to accomplish and the first of which is distributing one million copies of "Snow Driving for Cowboys" as there's one problem with cowboys driving on snow: they suck at it.
And, Merle, leave the pickup truck at home. They don't handle worth a damn on a dry road much less a wet one.
We are also trying to collect all the known copies of "The Cowboys Sing White Christmas." The song isn't so terrible but the group hug at the end gives a little more information about cowboys than any of us really needs.
So, please do send money ... or toilet paper ... to the TTBSH so we can help Texas through this disaster.
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