Friday, December 6, 2013

The Universal Life Church Christmas Sale

You can't give a Universal Life Church ordination to someone as a gift because the ordinations don't cost anything.  You, too, can become a minister online in five minutes or less at Universal Life Church.  I have been a minister for at least five years now specifically because of the five minutes I once spent there.  In more recent news, Conan O'Brien was ordained there so he can take his ministry to The Comedy Channel.

There is one thing you can give to the newly-ordained minister for Christmas and that's the $26.99 Ordination Package.  Get one today for the minister in your life and it includes a beautiful credential for your wall, a clergy badge, a plastic personalized wallet card credential, a parking placard, and the Minister Window Cling.

Of course, there's one primary reason people want to become a minister and that's the cool clothes.  These too make excellent seasonal gifts and you can see them now in the ULC Catalog.  This is where you can get the always-in-demand Minister's Baseball Cap.


Just think, if you wear it backwards like some idiot rapper, people behind you will know you are a Minister before they ever meet you.  They probably won't think you are a very smart Minister but at least they will know what you do.

My years as a minister have been very rewarding as I have met all kinds of total lunatics this way.  There were countless marriages.  The gay marriages were a little bit more interesting than the straight ones but really they're just the same.  The only difference is that straight people fight and throw appliances at each other while gay people throw designer catalogs.  No, the most interesting marriages were when people entered into holy matrimony with their pets.  It shouldn't be so surprising as many say they appreciate the company of a dog more than the company of people.

So you can make the life of a newly-ordained minister in your life all the more festive this season with the Ordination Package or some cool ministerial threads.  As to where you get the big black car and the ministerial bling, I don't know.  That might be a different church.

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