There really has been a War on Christmas but, not surprisingly, it had nothing to do with what Fox News was reporting. The threat to Christmas didn't come from liberals and/or heretics but rather it can be credited to Boston Puritans. However, we do commend Fox News for reporting on it as any news, even if it's two hundred and fifty years out of date, is still news ... sort of.
The Boston Puritans are also the ones who started all the problems with the Indians as everything had been fine until they got here. Those Puritans were some really nasty bastards.
So they decided in 1659 to ban Christmas and you would be fined if you even tried to celebrate it. Even better, Puritans in England not only banned Christmas but took out Easter as well as both were, after all, abominations. Praise Jesus! (WIKI: Christmas in Puritan New England)
We would never understand this sort of thing if not for the help of Megyn Kelly, the Fox News intellectual authority on Christmas and being white. The immediate assumption on hearing her speak is that you would find more education in a hamster but that's not true. Kelly not only studied for the bar but passed and is an actual lawyer, obviously not a very good one but a lawyer nevertheless. It's amazing how much academic accomplishment can go toward saying the most blithely stupid things we have heard in some while.
'Santa Claus is white. It's verifiable.'
Now, as an attorney, Kelly should be expected to be challenged on her statement that it is verifiable that Santa Claus is white. We expect her verification is that she asked Mrs Claus but we don't have that information in-hand as yet.
But there's really no need to go on with this. It's a supreme embarrassment to be a member of the same race as Megyn Kelly so there's only one answer remaining.
Yep, ban Christmas.
The Boston Puritans are also the ones who started all the problems with the Indians as everything had been fine until they got here. Those Puritans were some really nasty bastards.
So they decided in 1659 to ban Christmas and you would be fined if you even tried to celebrate it. Even better, Puritans in England not only banned Christmas but took out Easter as well as both were, after all, abominations. Praise Jesus! (WIKI: Christmas in Puritan New England)
We would never understand this sort of thing if not for the help of Megyn Kelly, the Fox News intellectual authority on Christmas and being white. The immediate assumption on hearing her speak is that you would find more education in a hamster but that's not true. Kelly not only studied for the bar but passed and is an actual lawyer, obviously not a very good one but a lawyer nevertheless. It's amazing how much academic accomplishment can go toward saying the most blithely stupid things we have heard in some while.
'Santa Claus is white. It's verifiable.'
Now, as an attorney, Kelly should be expected to be challenged on her statement that it is verifiable that Santa Claus is white. We expect her verification is that she asked Mrs Claus but we don't have that information in-hand as yet.
But there's really no need to go on with this. It's a supreme embarrassment to be a member of the same race as Megyn Kelly so there's only one answer remaining.
Yep, ban Christmas.
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