Dateline: Hartford | Hell No, We Won't Mow

–Maggie Redfern via AP

Note:  Ms Redfern's name is so classically New England.


HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — To Maggie Redfern, her all-natural front yard is a rebuke to the chemical-soaked, manicured lawns of suburban America. To some of her neighbors in New London, Connecticut, it’s an eyesore.

Ordered by the city’s blight officer to cut back overgrowth, Redfern is challenging local ordinances in a case that has rallied like-minded conservationists.

At a city hearing on her appeal this week, her supporters held signs that read: “Hell no we won’t mow.”

Boston.com:  Natural-lawn advocate contests blight citation for her yard

The Stonks try to stop her but you can tell by their name these are not good people.  They try to force other people to do it their way even when they know their way sucks.  Maggie Redfern represents The Freebirds who much prefer to awaken to the sound of happy animals than the Stonk alternative with lawn mowers and leaf blowers, obvious tools of Satan.


Zen Yogi:  does that really belong in a suburban environment, Silas?

It belongs everywhere, mate, since it's the healthiest, greenest way for anyone's yard to live.  The typical suburban lawn shows an overt antagonism to life but Maggie's lawn never will since she doesn't use any herbicides to control the growing.

Maybe you think that means weeds galore but it doesn't.

She said she thinks her yard looks good compared to other lawns and it is better ecologically.

“With what we have learned about the natural world there is really a good case for not using fossil fuels and pesticides and clean drinking water to have a short lawn,” she said.

- Boston

The Rockhouse agrees she has a good-looking lawn and it's much more welcoming than someplace which looks like a golf course and is landscaped with Cincinnati bushes.

Zen Yogi:  what are Cincinnati bushes, Silas?

They're the nasty and nondescript evergreen shrubs which are used to border their homes, etc because Stonks really fuckin' hate flowers.


Stonks are the type of people who plant things in rows or patterns and this obvious evidence of their souls being enslaved by demons should be sufficient to ensure they're never permitted to make decisions about gardens, lawns, or any type of land management.

Zen Yogi:  what's wrong with trees in a row?

I tell you what's wrong with that, my furry bear buddy, the trees will do fine for five or ten years and then one of them will die.  It's impossible to get a replacement to match the one which was lost and there's no way for a replacement to catch up.  Forever or at least an exceptionally long time, this tribute to the Stonk's utter incompetence in lawn management will stand.


Get this, Yogi, Stonks hate Monarch butterflies.

Zen Yogi:  noooo!  I thought everyone loves them.

It's true, Yogi, since Monarch butterflies are particularly dependent on milkweed, a type of plant which will almost never turn up in a suburban lawn.  If it has the temerity to start, the first reaction is usually to break out the flamethrowers to stonk it.

It doesn't look like Ms Maggie's lawn is actually replete with the plant so her spread may not be so inviting to them either.  However, the fact she allows greater diversity in her lawn means she won't wipe out native insects and, thus, the birds will survive, happily.

Zen Yogi:  no-one is perfect, Silas

That's true, Yogi, since otherwise I would have to make my way to her place to ask if she needs some wretched bum such as myself living with her and helping her do nothing with her lawn.


Lotho and I once used a systemic insecticide to wipe out the bugs causing problems in the garden beds we maintained for our ol' Mother.

Zen Yogi:  what happened?

It was awful, Yogi, since that resulted in the Silent Spring in which no birds were heard anywhere around.  It was horrible knowing I caused that.

Zen Yogi:  blame it on him

Oh sure, that's the right thing to do.  He was there, mate, and I'm quite sure he remembers what happened just as well as I.

Neither of us ever used insecticides again and both have about the same great love of gardens and life.

Zen Yogi:  including Monarch butterflies?

Including any kinds of butterflies, Yogi.