These hotrodders belting down this residential street are pissing me off. There are speed humps on each end of it but they go full Edgewater dragstrip between them. I know fast and I've driven fast and, I'm tellin' you, these fuckers are haulin' ass.
Note: in Texas they call speed bumps instead speed humps. Now you know another odd thing about Texas.
So ...
I need a stand-up cardboard cutout of a child which is life-size and ... you're probably there already ... I need to put this cutout in the middle of the street where I can operate it from a place of hiding with strings or some such.
As the hotrodder lights it up at one end of the street, I wait until he's close and then make this kid jump up in front of him. He throws his hands up and crashes while I drag the kid out of view.
When the cop arrives, the hotrodder, assuming he remains non-deceased, will swear a kid ran in front of him. That's when I'll come sauntering up to say, "Officer, I have such a deep respect for the law and it's my duty to tell you I live right over there and I saw the whole thing. I did not see any kid. He looks like he may be on drugs and hiding more in his rectum. You might oughta check that out. A full body cavity search looks warranted."
Ed: that's vicious!
I do my humble best
Dayum, kid, it looks like you got that hotrod all fucked-up. Ain't that a bitch. The insurance won't pay for all those after-market booster toys you put on it. I guess that's even more of a bitch, huh.
Look at the bright side since it looks like at least the rims for the wheels are not bent-up and you may be able to recover some of the ridiculous money you spent on them.
Have a nice day ... y'all.
Ed: you are one fucking nasty bastard!
Oh yeah and I'm diggin' it too. What say we bring out a mariachi band to play while they wait for the tow truck to show. Think of it as showing our respect for law enforcement.
Ed: you are a cold-blooded hypocritical piece of shit!
Take it easy, my brother, as I'm trying to get jiggy with the flow of things when hypocrisy is the new truth. Black is Purple and Purple is the color of my balls after I bounced them off the Harley's gas tank and you can tell me pregnancy hurts more than that but I don't even remotely fuckin' believe it.
Ed: that was a masterpiece of jumbled unrelated bullshit (applause)
Thank ye; thank ye
Note: in Texas they call speed bumps instead speed humps. Now you know another odd thing about Texas.
So ...
I need a stand-up cardboard cutout of a child which is life-size and ... you're probably there already ... I need to put this cutout in the middle of the street where I can operate it from a place of hiding with strings or some such.
As the hotrodder lights it up at one end of the street, I wait until he's close and then make this kid jump up in front of him. He throws his hands up and crashes while I drag the kid out of view.
When the cop arrives, the hotrodder, assuming he remains non-deceased, will swear a kid ran in front of him. That's when I'll come sauntering up to say, "Officer, I have such a deep respect for the law and it's my duty to tell you I live right over there and I saw the whole thing. I did not see any kid. He looks like he may be on drugs and hiding more in his rectum. You might oughta check that out. A full body cavity search looks warranted."
Ed: that's vicious!
I do my humble best
Dayum, kid, it looks like you got that hotrod all fucked-up. Ain't that a bitch. The insurance won't pay for all those after-market booster toys you put on it. I guess that's even more of a bitch, huh.
Look at the bright side since it looks like at least the rims for the wheels are not bent-up and you may be able to recover some of the ridiculous money you spent on them.
Have a nice day ... y'all.
Ed: you are one fucking nasty bastard!
Oh yeah and I'm diggin' it too. What say we bring out a mariachi band to play while they wait for the tow truck to show. Think of it as showing our respect for law enforcement.
Ed: you are a cold-blooded hypocritical piece of shit!
Take it easy, my brother, as I'm trying to get jiggy with the flow of things when hypocrisy is the new truth. Black is Purple and Purple is the color of my balls after I bounced them off the Harley's gas tank and you can tell me pregnancy hurts more than that but I don't even remotely fuckin' believe it.
Ed: that was a masterpiece of jumbled unrelated bullshit (applause)
Thank ye; thank ye
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