Zen Yogi Tries to Understand Why Queen Elizabeth Owns All the Swans in England

Zen Yogi:  this is not clear to me, Zen Neophyte, since I see Queen Elizabeth owns all the swans but it only raises more questions.  What does she fuckin' do with them?

What else can you do with a swan, Yogi.  I imagine she just watches them paddling around.

Zen Yogi:  does she eat them?

I don't think so as I believe the English are with swans the way Indians are with cows.

Zen Yogi:  easy peasy, Silas.  Send all the Indian cows to England and the swans to India so the ecological balance of the circle of life will be restored.

I'm sure that will set the scientists of planetary study in a frenzy, Yogi.


That swan isn't in England, Zen Yogi.

Zen Yogi:  how do you know that?

Australia has the black swans.

Zen Yogi:  yes, of course

That's not a racial slur of some kind, Yogi.  Australia is the place to find black swans.

Zen Yogi:  and Britain won't let them immigrate?

No chance, bear buddy.


Zen Yogi:  I just don't understand why the Queen wants them when swans are nasty bastards and they will bite you as soon as look

I don't understand either since they could easily fly away if they're that bugged but they just have to start something.

Zen Yogi:  bears aren't like that, Silas.  We're not nasty bastards.

I know, Yogi, since bears eat only what bears need to survive and sometimes that's people.  They aren't nasty; they're just hungry.

Zen Yogi:  I don't eat people, Silas!

I know you don't, Yogi, but some people need to be eaten since the world doesn't need idiot human sport hunters and the hikers who think they can get close enough to cuddle with bears need to be eaten simply to improve the overall gene pool of hikers.

Zen Yogi:  it's a public service we offer


Humans like to watch animals which can eat us, Yogi.  We especially like to watch great white sharks ripping the shit out of poor, helpless seals.

Zen Yogi:  what happens after that?

The ones who watch them often get eaten.

Zen Yogi:  why do they do it, Silas?

No-one knows, Yogi, but all of them wear the same medallion which proclaims, "Life in Service of Darwin ... but Not for Long."