Hospice contacted me and Miss Debra was here by 2:00 pm today. They bring everything I could hope to this since they understand there is to be no intervention such as CPR, etc when things turn dark. Many, many forms were completed to establish that fact since the timing of everything will be determined by Nature and that's exactly what I want.
Nurse Wendy arrived about 6:00 and said oxygen will be delivered stat and to hospital people that means fast as in tonight. Pain meds will be delivered by Friday and she understands it takes 45 mg of morphine to hold pain mostly in abeyance. That will formalize the opiate situation (i.e. makes it legal but it really wasn't that much illegal anyway).
This may not sound like good news but it's excellent. All of us understand the outcome from the #Blotto and hospice finds they sometimes can extend life rather than speeding its end. My huge concern is I don't want to be a dribbling chunk of meat on the sofa when the pilgrims come since it will be difficult enough for them already.
It's much more heartbreaking for me when I'm in the Limbo Land in between the VA taking excellent care of me and the handover to hospice. That handover completed today and I'm in a new world of exhausted now but it was all eminently worthwhile.
I'm sincerely sorry to inflict this on you since I know acutely the pain it causes you and hopefully this update will show you this will help ameliorate the problems from the #Blotto and less suffering hopefully means less pain for everyone.
ML had questions regarding oxygen and those were answered within probably thirty minutes of Nurse Wendy's arrival. That will arrive tonight and may well be powerful in mitigating pain. They're experts at making a bad situation the best it can be.
Update: the oxygen machine is already here and this includes an oxygen generator / concentrator and there are also two two-liter tanks. I'm using the generator now. They got the order, at most, three hours ago and now you know what it means when medical people say, "Stat."
This may be a shocker but the ganja isn't playing into this so much. When morphine is nauseating from the start, I'm reluctant to possibly exacerbate that with the ganja. The last couple of days have probably run at about twenty percent relative to typical days.
Something which may amuse you is the people from hospice asked about a history of substance abuse and I said I've smoked ganja most of my life. Both of them laughed and one hadn't seen the other in-between. After that, they followed with telling me they mean substance abuse and ganja doesn't count. Officials in high places don't believe that but, wtf, we have no reason to believe officials in high places.
I apologize insofar as I back-pedaled the situation even when it's been my intention to be as forthcoming as possible due to the solid belief knowledge is power for all of us. My head still works and my crazy flipper fingers can still play a mean pinball but that's about it. I'm sick as fuck and I haven't wanted to belabor that for fear of it sounding like whining. My plan for when the pilgrims arrive is again to conceal it as much as possible since I don't want to hurt anyone more than will inevitably happen anyway.
Exertion is the pain accelerant so I will stay in my chair where I can more or less maintain without evidence of any melodramatic symptoms. I can hack it and not only that I must since it's specifically my purpose to give rather than to take.
The events today give me much higher confidence I will not stand anyone up for these pilgrimages.
This part may actually get a laugh, since Miss Debra asked me about religious preferences and I told her I don't have any. I'm not an atheist nor an agnostic but people usually regard my beliefs as crazy. She asked about sending Counselor Alan to talk about such matters and I didn't refuse her since the understanding is he will split without rancor should I ask.
Zen Yogi: you didn't make it up that his name is Alan?
Nope. He also plays guitar.
There is no spiritual imbalance for me and you haven't seen a word from me on why does this happen to me. It's not that I suppress the thought; it just doesn't exist. Miss Debra said he's funny and that's cool since we all need more of that.
Much love to you all. I said that many times when I left the stage so it seems all the more appropriate now. Perhaps it's not even possible to know and appreciate love more than at this stage of life. Unknown but it's a deep and sincere; that much is definite.
Nurse Wendy arrived about 6:00 and said oxygen will be delivered stat and to hospital people that means fast as in tonight. Pain meds will be delivered by Friday and she understands it takes 45 mg of morphine to hold pain mostly in abeyance. That will formalize the opiate situation (i.e. makes it legal but it really wasn't that much illegal anyway).
This may not sound like good news but it's excellent. All of us understand the outcome from the #Blotto and hospice finds they sometimes can extend life rather than speeding its end. My huge concern is I don't want to be a dribbling chunk of meat on the sofa when the pilgrims come since it will be difficult enough for them already.
It's much more heartbreaking for me when I'm in the Limbo Land in between the VA taking excellent care of me and the handover to hospice. That handover completed today and I'm in a new world of exhausted now but it was all eminently worthwhile.
I'm sincerely sorry to inflict this on you since I know acutely the pain it causes you and hopefully this update will show you this will help ameliorate the problems from the #Blotto and less suffering hopefully means less pain for everyone.
ML had questions regarding oxygen and those were answered within probably thirty minutes of Nurse Wendy's arrival. That will arrive tonight and may well be powerful in mitigating pain. They're experts at making a bad situation the best it can be.
Update: the oxygen machine is already here and this includes an oxygen generator / concentrator and there are also two two-liter tanks. I'm using the generator now. They got the order, at most, three hours ago and now you know what it means when medical people say, "Stat."
This may be a shocker but the ganja isn't playing into this so much. When morphine is nauseating from the start, I'm reluctant to possibly exacerbate that with the ganja. The last couple of days have probably run at about twenty percent relative to typical days.
Something which may amuse you is the people from hospice asked about a history of substance abuse and I said I've smoked ganja most of my life. Both of them laughed and one hadn't seen the other in-between. After that, they followed with telling me they mean substance abuse and ganja doesn't count. Officials in high places don't believe that but, wtf, we have no reason to believe officials in high places.
I apologize insofar as I back-pedaled the situation even when it's been my intention to be as forthcoming as possible due to the solid belief knowledge is power for all of us. My head still works and my crazy flipper fingers can still play a mean pinball but that's about it. I'm sick as fuck and I haven't wanted to belabor that for fear of it sounding like whining. My plan for when the pilgrims arrive is again to conceal it as much as possible since I don't want to hurt anyone more than will inevitably happen anyway.
Exertion is the pain accelerant so I will stay in my chair where I can more or less maintain without evidence of any melodramatic symptoms. I can hack it and not only that I must since it's specifically my purpose to give rather than to take.
The events today give me much higher confidence I will not stand anyone up for these pilgrimages.
This part may actually get a laugh, since Miss Debra asked me about religious preferences and I told her I don't have any. I'm not an atheist nor an agnostic but people usually regard my beliefs as crazy. She asked about sending Counselor Alan to talk about such matters and I didn't refuse her since the understanding is he will split without rancor should I ask.
Zen Yogi: you didn't make it up that his name is Alan?
Nope. He also plays guitar.
There is no spiritual imbalance for me and you haven't seen a word from me on why does this happen to me. It's not that I suppress the thought; it just doesn't exist. Miss Debra said he's funny and that's cool since we all need more of that.
Much love to you all. I said that many times when I left the stage so it seems all the more appropriate now. Perhaps it's not even possible to know and appreciate love more than at this stage of life. Unknown but it's a deep and sincere; that much is definite.
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