Here's a peach from Fox News where they're whining about crumbling highway infrastructure in North Carolina.
Zen Yogi: I guess NC is fucked
They were anyway, mate. When NC's biggest obsession has been with toilets, there's not much to be salvaged.
Cleveland police won't hold the US flag for the Browns against the Patriots because the Patriots just aren't fuckin' patriotic enough.
Zen Yogi: what difference does it make if they hold it or they don't?
Holding it just makes a long ass game take even longer, mate.
Joel Osteen has returned to broadcasting to beg for money for himself but that probably won't be helped by telling the people of Houston they're a bunch of whining pussies. So you lost your house ... suck it up.
Zen Yogi: why doesn't he get crunched by outraged Americans?
His bodyguards came from Blackhawk. He can afford them.
The good news for Florida as it faces Hurricane Irma is you can still get food ... vegan food.
Zen Yogi: that's good, right?
It's good for vegans but everyone else fuckin' hates it and that presumably is why that's all remaining on store shelves. The disaster list has traditionally included toilet paper, milk, and candles but that list has never included vegan food.
Hitler started WWII because he was a horndog. For this kind of bullshit, we need a citation. (Daily Mail: Hitler performed a sex act in a cinema as he watched a violent film about Austrians killing French troops, reveals new book which claims his murders for the Nazi state were driven by 'deviant sexual lust')
There's nothing I can add to this one to make it any more bullshit than it already is.
Zen Yogi: how about the sex parties with his general staff?
We may need to bail out of this one since we already have Hitler channeling PeeWee Herman at the movie house. Our bullshit meter will explode if we continue.
If you're lonely in a Belgian hotel, you don't need a hooker, you need a fish. The management will be happy to rent you a fish for a few euros per night. Since there's no chance you will believe this without a citation ... Independent: Belgian Hotel Offers to Rent Fish to Lonely Guests
When we see Katia is yet another in the series of Tropical Storms and Hurricanes this season, one thing becomes abundantly clear.
Zen Yogi: what's that, Silas?
God really fuckin' hates Donald Trump.
When you get busted for pornography in Arkansas, it usually means you didn't include another species in the performance but this inventive couple went one better than that since they were sponsored by Home Depot. Don't believe it? (Smoking Gun: Adult Videos Lead To Married Couple's Arrest)
Zen Yogi: that's sick!
Noooo, mate, in Arkansas it's normal.
There's a beauty part to it, tho, is the fact they only made twelve grand a year that way. For all their sweating and moaning, they still managed to stay far under the poverty line.
Zen Yogi: they're not porn stars?
In all history, there's only been half a dozen or so porn stars and most of the rest are cheap hustlers with webcams. Here's how it works:
Investigators allege that Sessions masturbated while seated at a table in a Cheddar’s restaurant and used a sex toy on herself in a Home Depot parking lot. She also allegedly exposed herself in the Home Depot’s appliance section and engaged in a sex act inside a dressing room at a Kohl’s department store.
Calloway is charged with recording his wife’s performances and participating in one sex act at a Jonesboro nature preserve. While inside Cheddar’s, Calloway also operated “a pair of wireless vibrating panties” worn by his spouse.
Free on bail, Sessions and Calloway (seen in the below mug shots) have pleaded not guilty. After the couple’s arrest in July, Calloway commented on Facebook that, “I have never seen so many friend requests in my life. Wow.”
That post prompted a friend of his to respond, “Homie, you’re a star.”
- SG
Zen Yogi: what's that about wireless vibrating panties? WTF?
I don't want to know, mate.
Last we have this treat since it's rare to get this close to a charging elephant.
Zen Yogi: what happened?
Either that elephant is a politician and it heard you have some money ... or ...
Evening Standard: Man crushed to death after trying to take selfie with elephant in India
Zen Yogi: do you think this is funny, Silas?
No but it's consistent with the absurdity of the news in general. That one more IQ-challenged miscreant let his narcissism lead to his death isn't unusual; he just chose a novel way to do it.
Zen Yogi: I guess NC is fucked
They were anyway, mate. When NC's biggest obsession has been with toilets, there's not much to be salvaged.
Cleveland police won't hold the US flag for the Browns against the Patriots because the Patriots just aren't fuckin' patriotic enough.
Zen Yogi: what difference does it make if they hold it or they don't?
Holding it just makes a long ass game take even longer, mate.
Joel Osteen has returned to broadcasting to beg for money for himself but that probably won't be helped by telling the people of Houston they're a bunch of whining pussies. So you lost your house ... suck it up.
Zen Yogi: why doesn't he get crunched by outraged Americans?
His bodyguards came from Blackhawk. He can afford them.
The good news for Florida as it faces Hurricane Irma is you can still get food ... vegan food.
Zen Yogi: that's good, right?
It's good for vegans but everyone else fuckin' hates it and that presumably is why that's all remaining on store shelves. The disaster list has traditionally included toilet paper, milk, and candles but that list has never included vegan food.
Hitler started WWII because he was a horndog. For this kind of bullshit, we need a citation. (Daily Mail: Hitler performed a sex act in a cinema as he watched a violent film about Austrians killing French troops, reveals new book which claims his murders for the Nazi state were driven by 'deviant sexual lust')
There's nothing I can add to this one to make it any more bullshit than it already is.
Zen Yogi: how about the sex parties with his general staff?
We may need to bail out of this one since we already have Hitler channeling PeeWee Herman at the movie house. Our bullshit meter will explode if we continue.
If you're lonely in a Belgian hotel, you don't need a hooker, you need a fish. The management will be happy to rent you a fish for a few euros per night. Since there's no chance you will believe this without a citation ... Independent: Belgian Hotel Offers to Rent Fish to Lonely Guests
When we see Katia is yet another in the series of Tropical Storms and Hurricanes this season, one thing becomes abundantly clear.
Zen Yogi: what's that, Silas?
God really fuckin' hates Donald Trump.
When you get busted for pornography in Arkansas, it usually means you didn't include another species in the performance but this inventive couple went one better than that since they were sponsored by Home Depot. Don't believe it? (Smoking Gun: Adult Videos Lead To Married Couple's Arrest)
Zen Yogi: that's sick!
Noooo, mate, in Arkansas it's normal.
There's a beauty part to it, tho, is the fact they only made twelve grand a year that way. For all their sweating and moaning, they still managed to stay far under the poverty line.
Zen Yogi: they're not porn stars?
In all history, there's only been half a dozen or so porn stars and most of the rest are cheap hustlers with webcams. Here's how it works:
Investigators allege that Sessions masturbated while seated at a table in a Cheddar’s restaurant and used a sex toy on herself in a Home Depot parking lot. She also allegedly exposed herself in the Home Depot’s appliance section and engaged in a sex act inside a dressing room at a Kohl’s department store.
Calloway is charged with recording his wife’s performances and participating in one sex act at a Jonesboro nature preserve. While inside Cheddar’s, Calloway also operated “a pair of wireless vibrating panties” worn by his spouse.
Free on bail, Sessions and Calloway (seen in the below mug shots) have pleaded not guilty. After the couple’s arrest in July, Calloway commented on Facebook that, “I have never seen so many friend requests in my life. Wow.”
That post prompted a friend of his to respond, “Homie, you’re a star.”
- SG
Zen Yogi: what's that about wireless vibrating panties? WTF?
I don't want to know, mate.
Last we have this treat since it's rare to get this close to a charging elephant.
Zen Yogi: what happened?
Either that elephant is a politician and it heard you have some money ... or ...
Evening Standard: Man crushed to death after trying to take selfie with elephant in India
Zen Yogi: do you think this is funny, Silas?
No but it's consistent with the absurdity of the news in general. That one more IQ-challenged miscreant let his narcissism lead to his death isn't unusual; he just chose a novel way to do it.
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