Do Bill and Ted Know More About History than Donald Trump

Right off the top, Bill and Ted reveal more wisdom than Washington has ever known, at least in this century.


Bill: So-cratz - "The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing".
Ted: That's us, dude.


Bill: You ditched Napoleon!
Ted: Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?
Deacon: He was a dick.


Bill: Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country.
Ted: Two: born on President's Day.
Bill: Three: the dollar-bill guy.
Ted: Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like...
Bill: Ted. Alaska.
Ted: Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.

Update on that, gentlemen, since the Cadillac Dude has determined the wooden teeth story was, well, bogus.

Bill and Ted:  bogus!

Abraham Lincoln: Fourscore and...

[looks at his pocket watch]

Abraham Lincoln: seven minutes ago... we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill... and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it's true today. Be excellent to each other. And... PARTY ON, DUDES!

Bill: He's dead?

Mr. Ryan: So, Bill, what you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short dead dude.

Bill: Well, yeah.

Ted: You totally blew it, dude.

Mr. Ryan: Ted, stand up.

Ted: Stand up?

Mr. Ryan: Yes, son. Stand up.

[Ted stands]

Mr. Ryan: Now, who was Joan of Arc?

Ted: ...Noah's wife?

[laughter, then bell]

Therefore, given the choice of reviewing the sorry state of a decaying political world, much better to go with "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" and we will advise them if they really want to find out about Noah then they need to go to Kentucky since that national embarrassment didn't exist when they made the movie.