Disclaimer: the story of my advancing lung cancer is helpful to me in keeping a solid perspective on what's happening and it seems it may be helpful to some of you in seeing how I deal with it. There's never any intention to shock or scare with this material.
The late-breaking news is at the bottom and it's a doozy.
Morphine had been extremely difficult to master due to highly negative effects from trying to tolerate it. Hospice provided some anti-nausea medicine which has definitely been helpful since I was talking 15 mg of morphine previously and that was with frequent difficult. The dose is now 120 mg per day and yet it gets steadily easier to tolerate. Even at that dose, there's no buzz in it but that's really not important since I don't want that from it anyway.
The mastery of food took an exceptionally good turn with a tip from Agent Y and Mystery Lady to try instant mashed potatoes and they worked remarkably well. I even ate a banana later and Agent Y said, "Wow, you ate a meal today!"
Maybe that shows you some of the vibe since it's not funny in any sense most would grasp but it's a giggle here.
The anti-anxiety medicine has definitely been identified as the culprit in keeping me sleeping and almost non-functional much of the time. The answer was simple in scratching it from the required medicines list but I will talk to Nurse Wendy next time about alternatives since there are many medicines of that nature and an assist for sleeping would be beneficial.
Last night, just when I was approaching sleep ... part about it getting screwed up in twisted ways but that doesn't need detail. Those events did it for sleep for the night so it makes me much more interested in anti-anxiety / sleep medicine than I otherwise would have been. I don't want to give up a moment to sleep if it's not necessary but there's a good compromise to be made and I'm fine with that.
All of that sounds horrible but it was only one bad night and the only consequence from it is tiredness. I believe it was the night before when Agent Y and I watched "Hope Floats" together and that was lovely for both of us. I do anticipate more of that even though the morphine does will likely increase as the situation progresses. The anti-nausea med gives me confidence that will be manageable and the only thing after that is to pick a movie. It's kind of cool that I get to pick the flick because that's the Sicko's Prerogative but it will still be cool since asking Agent Y about "Hope Floats" was in large part because I thought she could identify with it too.
Zen Yogi: are you trying to talk yourself into coolness or was it already there?
It's real, mate. My purpose is to share it so others can find it too in their own times.
Zen Yogi: so you were always this cool, Silas?
Erm, that might be a bit (i.e. a lot) of a stretch, Yogi.
It looks like there's some good news impending from the Galaxy Guitar and that's important because she is alive with a spirit.
Zen Yogi: she's a guitar, my furless friend
She's so much more, my furry buddy, and you would know from holding her in your hands and feeling her whole body vibrate while you play.
Zen Yogi: this is sounding like it might be getting porno
Sure it's porno; it's just not the kind politicians like.
Zen Yogi: do you have one in particular in mind?
No, Yogi, since remembering politicians seems much akin to trying to remember a toothache. Thank you but I'll pass.
Zen Yogi: maybe you don't care about them that much because of the circumstance of your time?
I don't think so since every good Sixties freak has heard the question already, "Does anybody really know what time it is?"
Zen Yogi: Chicago?
Yep and I know one of the founding fathers of the band. Likely there's no surprise to you in saying he's a killer saxman and plays out to this day. I don't know if he ever read "Ithaca" from Cavafy but he sure has lived every word of it. You can often catch him at Cat's MusikCircus on Thursday evenings in Second Life.
It's really not as bad as I thought it might be. That probably wouldn't have much credibility if I were not in this circumstance but you know I really am and I won't say anything simply for reassurance, especially if I dont know whether it's true.
The truthy truthiness of everything is paramount to me since what a stupid time in life to tell a lie.
Zen Yogi: there's a good time in life for it?
Fair enough, Yogi, but we don't need to hammer on that.
Zen Yogi: you're a preacher so maybe it needs some attention
Maybe but I'm not a particularly good preacher so I think it's had enough attention already.
Much love to all of you, even you, Tiny Tim. Live it.
Tiny Tim: are you so stoned I'm in your story too now?
I do have a pleasant ganja buzz but I can't steal you from Dickins' story to put you in mine.
Tiny Tim: yet here I am
Indeed you are since my solution was to steal you from "Scrooged" with Bill Murray which is one of my all-time favorite Christmas tearjerkers movies.
How about that late-breaking news then. Queen Bee is flying into town tomorrow. Agent Y just let me know a moment ago.
Zen Yogi: sounds you better take a bath, buddy boy
The tub makes bathing a tactical nightmare because so much of it is curved but, one way or the other, I will be Dial fresh as a mountain lake.
Zen Yogi: but without assistance from Hospice?
Definitely, Yogi. I shouldn't be bashful after my clothes have been cut from me in the street after a big bike crash but it's still my preference to take care of bathing myself.
Zen Yogi: what if the nurse is young and beautiful?
What difference should that make, Yogi, unless you think hopping into the tub with me is part of the gig.
Zen Yogi: you may break her young heart when you decline
You have largely abandoned the credibility part of the program it seems.
Zen Yogi: we had plenty of that already and now the important part is obtaining some champagne
Well, this is splendid news, isn't it.
Zen Yogi: how many do you think will scroll back up to the top to read the rest of it?
Unknown, Yogi, but they did see this beauty part and that's spectacularly wonderful.
The late-breaking news is at the bottom and it's a doozy.
Morphine had been extremely difficult to master due to highly negative effects from trying to tolerate it. Hospice provided some anti-nausea medicine which has definitely been helpful since I was talking 15 mg of morphine previously and that was with frequent difficult. The dose is now 120 mg per day and yet it gets steadily easier to tolerate. Even at that dose, there's no buzz in it but that's really not important since I don't want that from it anyway.
The mastery of food took an exceptionally good turn with a tip from Agent Y and Mystery Lady to try instant mashed potatoes and they worked remarkably well. I even ate a banana later and Agent Y said, "Wow, you ate a meal today!"
Maybe that shows you some of the vibe since it's not funny in any sense most would grasp but it's a giggle here.
The anti-anxiety medicine has definitely been identified as the culprit in keeping me sleeping and almost non-functional much of the time. The answer was simple in scratching it from the required medicines list but I will talk to Nurse Wendy next time about alternatives since there are many medicines of that nature and an assist for sleeping would be beneficial.
Last night, just when I was approaching sleep ... part about it getting screwed up in twisted ways but that doesn't need detail. Those events did it for sleep for the night so it makes me much more interested in anti-anxiety / sleep medicine than I otherwise would have been. I don't want to give up a moment to sleep if it's not necessary but there's a good compromise to be made and I'm fine with that.
All of that sounds horrible but it was only one bad night and the only consequence from it is tiredness. I believe it was the night before when Agent Y and I watched "Hope Floats" together and that was lovely for both of us. I do anticipate more of that even though the morphine does will likely increase as the situation progresses. The anti-nausea med gives me confidence that will be manageable and the only thing after that is to pick a movie. It's kind of cool that I get to pick the flick because that's the Sicko's Prerogative but it will still be cool since asking Agent Y about "Hope Floats" was in large part because I thought she could identify with it too.
Zen Yogi: are you trying to talk yourself into coolness or was it already there?
It's real, mate. My purpose is to share it so others can find it too in their own times.
Zen Yogi: so you were always this cool, Silas?
Erm, that might be a bit (i.e. a lot) of a stretch, Yogi.
It looks like there's some good news impending from the Galaxy Guitar and that's important because she is alive with a spirit.
Zen Yogi: she's a guitar, my furless friend
She's so much more, my furry buddy, and you would know from holding her in your hands and feeling her whole body vibrate while you play.
Zen Yogi: this is sounding like it might be getting porno
Sure it's porno; it's just not the kind politicians like.
Zen Yogi: do you have one in particular in mind?
No, Yogi, since remembering politicians seems much akin to trying to remember a toothache. Thank you but I'll pass.
Zen Yogi: maybe you don't care about them that much because of the circumstance of your time?
I don't think so since every good Sixties freak has heard the question already, "Does anybody really know what time it is?"
Zen Yogi: Chicago?
Yep and I know one of the founding fathers of the band. Likely there's no surprise to you in saying he's a killer saxman and plays out to this day. I don't know if he ever read "Ithaca" from Cavafy but he sure has lived every word of it. You can often catch him at Cat's MusikCircus on Thursday evenings in Second Life.
It's really not as bad as I thought it might be. That probably wouldn't have much credibility if I were not in this circumstance but you know I really am and I won't say anything simply for reassurance, especially if I dont know whether it's true.
The truthy truthiness of everything is paramount to me since what a stupid time in life to tell a lie.
Zen Yogi: there's a good time in life for it?
Fair enough, Yogi, but we don't need to hammer on that.
Zen Yogi: you're a preacher so maybe it needs some attention
Maybe but I'm not a particularly good preacher so I think it's had enough attention already.
Much love to all of you, even you, Tiny Tim. Live it.
Tiny Tim: are you so stoned I'm in your story too now?
I do have a pleasant ganja buzz but I can't steal you from Dickins' story to put you in mine.
Tiny Tim: yet here I am
Indeed you are since my solution was to steal you from "Scrooged" with Bill Murray which is one of my all-time favorite Christmas tearjerkers movies.
How about that late-breaking news then. Queen Bee is flying into town tomorrow. Agent Y just let me know a moment ago.
Zen Yogi: sounds you better take a bath, buddy boy
The tub makes bathing a tactical nightmare because so much of it is curved but, one way or the other, I will be Dial fresh as a mountain lake.
Zen Yogi: but without assistance from Hospice?
Definitely, Yogi. I shouldn't be bashful after my clothes have been cut from me in the street after a big bike crash but it's still my preference to take care of bathing myself.
Zen Yogi: what if the nurse is young and beautiful?
What difference should that make, Yogi, unless you think hopping into the tub with me is part of the gig.
Zen Yogi: you may break her young heart when you decline
You have largely abandoned the credibility part of the program it seems.
Zen Yogi: we had plenty of that already and now the important part is obtaining some champagne
Well, this is splendid news, isn't it.
Zen Yogi: how many do you think will scroll back up to the top to read the rest of it?
Unknown, Yogi, but they did see this beauty part and that's spectacularly wonderful.
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