Zen Yogi: the news is tasteless slop. It's not delicious; it's not even nutritious.
You're right, Yogi, but we're in the sociological doldrums until humanity considers civilization again.
Zen Yogi: how long will that take?
It's hard to tell and it could be years, Yogi, since this is the meanest and most vicious I have ever seen them outside of a movie. The sociological rhythm goes decades from meanness to generosity and the big deal is the amplitude since we still don't know how much worse it's going to get.
Zen Yogi: now this is great since I can listen to you and feel the same as after listening to them
Is that good?
Zen Yogi: no, it means it makes me feel like committing suicide
Don't do that, Yogi, as news is supposed to make you feel that way although I prefer mine will not have that effect.
Note: there is no gun and I can't get one without a Texas drivers license. There is no latent melodrama.
Zen Yogi: still won't take the morphine?
Nope. I don't want my mind to work at the level of a largemouth bass. Who knows WTF they eat.
Zen Yogi: you could get a gig with Fox News
You only need to be a carp for that gig. Put a blonde wig on it and put the carp on the air.
Do you have an answer, Zen Yogi?
Zen Yogi: I like to look at pundits and imagine them as characters in a remake of "The Wizard of Oz"
That's a wonderful story, Yogi. Don't destroy it!
Zen Yogi: think of this as the Ted Burton version in "The Nightmare Before Oz" and we will have Ann Coulter, obviously, for the Scarecrow
Why should she do that?
Zen Yogi: if she thinks she will get a book deal, she will work the Kama Sutra on Times Square in front of a crowd. For the Tinman we will have Anderson Cooper since he's halfway there already and Rush Limbaugh will be the Cowardly Lion for equally obvious reasons.
What about Dorothy, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: this is the best part, Silas, since she will be played by Rachel Maddow. She will be singing, "Somewhere Over the Nuke Glow" and she will, no doubt, revitalize the song for millions or at least the few for as long as they may survive.
Who will be the Wizard?
Zen Yogi: don't you think Elon Musk would be a great Wizard?
He would be rattling about AI Munchkins coming to eat our feet.
Zen Yogi: how can you not laugh?
How does this prevent you from committing suicide, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: I turn it off
Do you think this is funny?
Zen Yogi: it's not funny, Silas; it's diversion. When there's nothing funny in any direction then make some.
When will you start? (Maestro, rim shot, please)
Zen Yogi: there is one other news item since our crack research team has reported success with developing GMO Groundhogs. They dig faster and they're quieter, so much so they cannot be detected by the military equipment typically employed at most golf courses.
They invented a stealth groundhog?
Zen Yogi: it looks that way, Silas, and when we go over there you can meet Speedy Gonzalez. You will want to meet him since he's our fastest and he can bore a one-foot tunnel from the first hole to the eighteen ...
in twelve parsecs?
Zen Yogi: something like that, Silas
Ref: "Star Wars"
Is this all part of the campaign to Grab Him by the Golf Course?
Zen Yogi: that's right, Silas, since just one of these groundhogs can bring more joy to a golfer than pulling a groin muscle and you KNOW that's got to hurt
So it's a GMO Groundhog Guerrilla War against the golf courses?
Zen Yogi: they have also created a GMO cavalry since they have GMO Snakes which have scales in a shade they like to call Golf Course Green which makes them invisible while they move over golf courses.
That's evil, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: a snake has to eat and these ones like golfers. It's the Great Circle of Life, Silas.
You're right, Yogi, but we're in the sociological doldrums until humanity considers civilization again.
Zen Yogi: how long will that take?
It's hard to tell and it could be years, Yogi, since this is the meanest and most vicious I have ever seen them outside of a movie. The sociological rhythm goes decades from meanness to generosity and the big deal is the amplitude since we still don't know how much worse it's going to get.
Zen Yogi: now this is great since I can listen to you and feel the same as after listening to them
Is that good?
Zen Yogi: no, it means it makes me feel like committing suicide
Don't do that, Yogi, as news is supposed to make you feel that way although I prefer mine will not have that effect.
Note: there is no gun and I can't get one without a Texas drivers license. There is no latent melodrama.
Zen Yogi: still won't take the morphine?
Nope. I don't want my mind to work at the level of a largemouth bass. Who knows WTF they eat.
Zen Yogi: you could get a gig with Fox News
You only need to be a carp for that gig. Put a blonde wig on it and put the carp on the air.
Do you have an answer, Zen Yogi?
Zen Yogi: I like to look at pundits and imagine them as characters in a remake of "The Wizard of Oz"
That's a wonderful story, Yogi. Don't destroy it!
Zen Yogi: think of this as the Ted Burton version in "The Nightmare Before Oz" and we will have Ann Coulter, obviously, for the Scarecrow
Why should she do that?
Zen Yogi: if she thinks she will get a book deal, she will work the Kama Sutra on Times Square in front of a crowd. For the Tinman we will have Anderson Cooper since he's halfway there already and Rush Limbaugh will be the Cowardly Lion for equally obvious reasons.
What about Dorothy, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: this is the best part, Silas, since she will be played by Rachel Maddow. She will be singing, "Somewhere Over the Nuke Glow" and she will, no doubt, revitalize the song for millions or at least the few for as long as they may survive.
Who will be the Wizard?
Zen Yogi: don't you think Elon Musk would be a great Wizard?
He would be rattling about AI Munchkins coming to eat our feet.
Zen Yogi: how can you not laugh?
How does this prevent you from committing suicide, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: I turn it off
Do you think this is funny?
Zen Yogi: it's not funny, Silas; it's diversion. When there's nothing funny in any direction then make some.
When will you start? (Maestro, rim shot, please)
Zen Yogi: there is one other news item since our crack research team has reported success with developing GMO Groundhogs. They dig faster and they're quieter, so much so they cannot be detected by the military equipment typically employed at most golf courses.
They invented a stealth groundhog?
Zen Yogi: it looks that way, Silas, and when we go over there you can meet Speedy Gonzalez. You will want to meet him since he's our fastest and he can bore a one-foot tunnel from the first hole to the eighteen ...
in twelve parsecs?
Zen Yogi: something like that, Silas
Ref: "Star Wars"
Is this all part of the campaign to Grab Him by the Golf Course?
Zen Yogi: that's right, Silas, since just one of these groundhogs can bring more joy to a golfer than pulling a groin muscle and you KNOW that's got to hurt
So it's a GMO Groundhog Guerrilla War against the golf courses?
Zen Yogi: they have also created a GMO cavalry since they have GMO Snakes which have scales in a shade they like to call Golf Course Green which makes them invisible while they move over golf courses.
That's evil, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: a snake has to eat and these ones like golfers. It's the Great Circle of Life, Silas.
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