When you have one Connecticut mansion but it isn't enough and you buy another one to make yourself look richer, you're either a televangelist or a politician. Now, thank our beloved God, Hillary Clinton is both.
The Hillary Clinton Ministry of the Assumption of the Divinely Acquisitive is here to share with you God's secrets on how to be sure you will be assumed into Heaven if you get the most toys and money. She can enlighten your avaricious soul with the knowledge God really doesn't give a fuck how you get the stuff, only that you get it.
Reverend Hillary Clinton can excite your soul with the knowledge of how she grifted eighty million dollars in fifteen years, much of which came from Saudis because they love her weapons. She supported genocide against Yemen that way while also running a scam foundation which ostensibly represented for humanity and we're sure it does, at least the rich white ones who survive.
Of course, Clinton folded her Foundation after the election because she knew she could best serve the Lord as a Reverend speaking his Word.
Zen Yogi: his Word is money?
That's the word, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: but God still loves her?
Oh, brother, she prays like a Republican who was caught cheating on his wife while she was dying of cancer (i.e. that hot li'l love muffin of deep spirituality, Newt).
Oh, Lord, does she pray. She prays like a kid who thinks she will get a pony for Christmas.
Zen Yogi: that doesn't answer the question, Silas
How should I know what God thinks about her, Yogi. My guess is he's thinking he needs to send the frogs.
Zen Yogi: oh, no, not the frogs
Yes, Yogi, and God has done it before. He knows his frogs. If he knows her half as well, we're going to be knee-deep in amphibians quite soon.
Zen Yogi: why should she do this when it's as ludicrous as the campaign her manager announced she is preparing for 2020?
She does it for the same reason as any of the megachurches, to talk shit and get fuckloads of money. Televangelism is even better than a PAC since it's tax-free, bitches. She won't even need the tax sheltering she and Bill the Till have been using up to present time.
Zen Yogi: keep your hands offa my stack?
Or she will go Chuck Norris on your ass. She just sells the weapons, she's not going to fuckin' pay for them too. Let the commoners do it.
Zen Yogi: she's no Chuck Norris
You don't have to be when you're packing automatic weapons, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: is she really planning on running again in 2020?
Yep, her campaign manager announced that today and here's the beauty part since he said, ever so firmly, keep the Russians away this time.
Zen Yogi: holy shit! That horse isn't just dead it's pulverized after Clinton has beaten it so much.
Look forward to that same tired ass train rolling again and the CIA will be right there with it after she's kissed their backsides so much they got bruises.
Zen Yogi: but she did it liberally
Oh, sure, just ask her. There's no-one more liberal than her.
"Praise the Lord and the Divinely Acquisitive" - Hillary Clinton
The Hillary Clinton Ministry of the Assumption of the Divinely Acquisitive is here to share with you God's secrets on how to be sure you will be assumed into Heaven if you get the most toys and money. She can enlighten your avaricious soul with the knowledge God really doesn't give a fuck how you get the stuff, only that you get it.
Reverend Hillary Clinton can excite your soul with the knowledge of how she grifted eighty million dollars in fifteen years, much of which came from Saudis because they love her weapons. She supported genocide against Yemen that way while also running a scam foundation which ostensibly represented for humanity and we're sure it does, at least the rich white ones who survive.
Of course, Clinton folded her Foundation after the election because she knew she could best serve the Lord as a Reverend speaking his Word.
Zen Yogi: his Word is money?
That's the word, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: but God still loves her?
Oh, brother, she prays like a Republican who was caught cheating on his wife while she was dying of cancer (i.e. that hot li'l love muffin of deep spirituality, Newt).
Oh, Lord, does she pray. She prays like a kid who thinks she will get a pony for Christmas.
Zen Yogi: that doesn't answer the question, Silas
How should I know what God thinks about her, Yogi. My guess is he's thinking he needs to send the frogs.
Zen Yogi: oh, no, not the frogs
Yes, Yogi, and God has done it before. He knows his frogs. If he knows her half as well, we're going to be knee-deep in amphibians quite soon.
Zen Yogi: why should she do this when it's as ludicrous as the campaign her manager announced she is preparing for 2020?
She does it for the same reason as any of the megachurches, to talk shit and get fuckloads of money. Televangelism is even better than a PAC since it's tax-free, bitches. She won't even need the tax sheltering she and Bill the Till have been using up to present time.
Zen Yogi: keep your hands offa my stack?
Or she will go Chuck Norris on your ass. She just sells the weapons, she's not going to fuckin' pay for them too. Let the commoners do it.
Zen Yogi: she's no Chuck Norris
You don't have to be when you're packing automatic weapons, Yogi.
Zen Yogi: is she really planning on running again in 2020?
Yep, her campaign manager announced that today and here's the beauty part since he said, ever so firmly, keep the Russians away this time.
Zen Yogi: holy shit! That horse isn't just dead it's pulverized after Clinton has beaten it so much.
Look forward to that same tired ass train rolling again and the CIA will be right there with it after she's kissed their backsides so much they got bruises.
Zen Yogi: but she did it liberally
Oh, sure, just ask her. There's no-one more liberal than her.
"Praise the Lord and the Divinely Acquisitive" - Hillary Clinton
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