Wednesday, August 30, 2017

The Latest on the Situation #Blotto

#Blotto is the Ithaka keyword for in-your-face cancer news since it pulls no punches whatever.  It's a reasonable response to bail out now if that's too much.  Everything is real and there is no purpose to shock.


There was some panic over needing to get down here quickly but it's not warranted and I don't even look that terribly bad or at least not a whole lot worse than I ever did.  I'm somewhere near 130 lbs so that's a bit of a shock but I'm much less of a walking horror story than you may expect to see.  I advised my sisters directly and now others indirectly I am happy to receive you but there's no need to burn up the track getting here and I won't fault anyone who does not come.


I'm not ignoring anyone when I don't respond quickly on Facebook since I just don't use it that much.  I find it's much less toxic of late but whether that's due to any change in me, change in them, or both needs more analysis than anyone really needs to give it.


There's no way to know how long it takes to get from the advanced cancer notification to the situation in which it will kill me tomorrow.  It took a couple of months to get from being a huge irritation to big pain but that's still really not useful for knowing how long this goes.  As above, don't panic.


The morphine dose needs to increase as toleration improves for it.  It's been verified the maximum dose is 1600 mg and I only take 15 mg so I'm far below any type of abuse.  The current level is not sufficient to deal with pain so I need to increase it.  The major concern is when it takes so much morphine I become a cabbage which dribbles on itself.  That becomes an unacceptable situation but I don't see it as an immediate one.


Any functional aspect has nearly disintegrated and seeing me walking will probably break you down.

Zen Yogi:  stay in your chair, Silas

That's good, Yogi, since we don't want to make any weepy weepy and particularly not be the cause of it.

Yevette was looking at walkers earlier today but VA will give me one for free once Ms Kersa sees the need but I must see her again before that can happen.  She had asked for company for some errands and I told her it wasn't a good idea but went anyway.  When she saw my pitiful walking, she started looking.


There is no God hates me phase coming up even when my relationship with religion has not precisely been all that cordial.  That kind of God hates me talk is simple and pointless vindictiveness and we don't need it here.  That kind of talk won't help me and could easily hurt others.


My friend, Mädchen M, told me she appreciates my attitude in this and she wants to deal with it like this in her own time.

Zen Yogi:  that touched your heart, I bet

Instantly, Yogi.  The worst thing is to be useless and to even be helpful in some ways is kind of a gift.


That's it, short and neat.  If you take your whisky in shots, it may be the best way.

Zen Yogi:  you haven't had any whisky in forty years

That's true and I'm fine with it but I do know what neat means.

1 comment:

Martina said...

I must admit...I shed some tears reading this. But we need to be strong..I try not to weep...