Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Screw the Constitution, What About Vampire Law

People often argue the Constitutional considerations of the Second Amendment and the right to own guns, each time hardily proving even when English is right in front of them, they still don't understand it.  In large part, language was wasted on America.  All they needed was credit cards and Miley Cyrus.

There are much more important considerations as we can ask what protection there is against getting shot in the U.S.  The answer is none.  Keep talking if you like but Republicans don't change, they are not capable of it.

Our purpose is not to waste time on the Second Amendment as the NRA has been outstanding in inculcating a tradition of suicide within its ranks and over ten thousand use guns to kill themselves each year.  NRA, works hard for you, works hard for America ... at least until you eat a bullet and blow your head orff.


There is a much bigger problem than how many damaged gunners go out to the landfill as there's the matter of vampires and whether it really is in Vampire Law that they cannot bite you if you do not invite them into your house.

This is a matter of major significance to I conferred at quite a late hour with my colleague in Vampire Law, Yevette, for a second opinion regarding the premise.

Happily, Yevette confirmed, yes, Vampire Law applies in this case and they cannot suck your blood unless you invite them into the house.

Just before I walked back to my area of vampirological research, Yevette said to me, "Say, could you check the back door to make sure it is locked."

Sure thing, pal.  Hear anything out there, did you ... like vampires??


The extension of this is whether the Devil can eat your soul if you don't sign a contract.  Here the study founders as it's definitely true for bluesmen but we do not know if this is because the Devil likes to hear bluesmen play or because there's a specific provision in Devil Law:  no contract, no soul.

The above is not logical as presumably the Devil likes horrible music and blues can get boring but it's not horrible.  If the Devil wants really horrible, he would be going with the Pre-Woman Pedophile Picks such as Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and any number of others who, without the make-up, would like kids getting ready for summer camp ... and the music ... gad.

Yah, yah, you tell me Taylor Swift is a woman ... but you said the same thing about LeAnn Rimes when she was FIFTEEN.  Truckers were lusting after the kid like she was the hottest woman since Helen of Troy.

We observe in our field research that Netanyahu sold his soul to the Devil and he doesn't even believe in a Devil.  Thus we conclude the legal requirement for a contract in soul stealing may have a flimsy trail of precedents.

We are clear on one aspect:  if you sign the contract with the Devil, you're fucked and you're going to burn.  However, we also believe if you do not sign the contract then you can tell him to piss up a rope (i.e. yet another singularly charming American expression but this one is concise and expressive.  I like it although the Devil may not).  It's the secondary aspect which remains unclear so further research will be conducted.

No comments: