There's a military bombardment of negative waves and that's a bitch because, well, you know how they do.
(Ed: I don't hear anything)
Um, Dagwood. You don't hear negative waves.
Negative waves are what cause situations such as when you are watching something on the telly and, holy mackeral, it looks like she's going to take off her shirt and ... POW ... break to a commercial for Metamucil. Let's talk about shit for a while. I know you wanted to see her boobies but we need to educate you about shit.
Negative waves, man. Negative waves.
(Ed: take some XANAX)
Sure, and join the legions on the Night of the Living Dead. You've got to get a grip on the difference between negative waves and the Undead ... who have no waves at all.
(Ed: If negative waves don't come from the Undead then what makes them?)
We would suggest Boehner but he's never actually done anything so he is probably not the actual source. Since it's not him, it could be Phyllis Schlafly, the embodiment of the actualized Republican woman. The source might also be One Direction since they're pissed no-one cares which ones are gay.
(Ed: surely you have some way of measuring these waves. Are negative waves national, international, interplanetary?)
Well, we can't rule out interplanetary and we mustn't but it's conceivable it is, in fact, international as a GBC (Global Bummer Conspiracy).
(Ed: you don't hear bummer too much anymore)
Nah, the juniors don't know anything but bummers so they would have no cause.
(Ed: they need to take it to the streets and get um-bummed)
Yah but, see, no-one taught them that. Too many negative waves, man.
Ding, ding, ding
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're not getting enough fiber in your diet because you eat nothing but godawful fast food crap then we have the answer: Metamucil.
Remember the name, Metamucil. If you've got a bummer, we can get it out.
(Ed: so, you wanna see that girl take her shirt off now?)
No!
(Ed: I don't hear anything)
Um, Dagwood. You don't hear negative waves.
Negative waves are what cause situations such as when you are watching something on the telly and, holy mackeral, it looks like she's going to take off her shirt and ... POW ... break to a commercial for Metamucil. Let's talk about shit for a while. I know you wanted to see her boobies but we need to educate you about shit.
Negative waves, man. Negative waves.
(Ed: take some XANAX)
Sure, and join the legions on the Night of the Living Dead. You've got to get a grip on the difference between negative waves and the Undead ... who have no waves at all.
(Ed: If negative waves don't come from the Undead then what makes them?)
We would suggest Boehner but he's never actually done anything so he is probably not the actual source. Since it's not him, it could be Phyllis Schlafly, the embodiment of the actualized Republican woman. The source might also be One Direction since they're pissed no-one cares which ones are gay.
(Ed: surely you have some way of measuring these waves. Are negative waves national, international, interplanetary?)
Well, we can't rule out interplanetary and we mustn't but it's conceivable it is, in fact, international as a GBC (Global Bummer Conspiracy).
(Ed: you don't hear bummer too much anymore)
Nah, the juniors don't know anything but bummers so they would have no cause.
(Ed: they need to take it to the streets and get um-bummed)
Yah but, see, no-one taught them that. Too many negative waves, man.
Ding, ding, ding
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're not getting enough fiber in your diet because you eat nothing but godawful fast food crap then we have the answer: Metamucil.
Remember the name, Metamucil. If you've got a bummer, we can get it out.
(Ed: so, you wanna see that girl take her shirt off now?)
No!
2 comments:
negative waves. sounds like Deniros last interview
I saw the transcript and she was trying to set him up, albeit ham-handedly. I would have walked out on her as well .. but, wtf, I loathe journos anyway.
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