Disclaimer: this is straight-up writing of active lung cancer in me but nothing in the #Blotto set of articles has been written with thoughts of trying to shock or disturb. I am using in-home hospice and that's the best circumstance I could hope relative to being in a hospice clinic or, worst of all, to be admitted to a hospital.
There was a question about morphine and the answer is short since it's being taken strictly in accordance with the prescription at 60mg twice per day. The biggest concern with it is I don't want to turn into some dimly-aware cabbage until I just can't hack it without a stronger dose and there won't be any improv with that either.
The morphine is not for me some stoner buzz but rather it's something of a utilitarian presence and moving can feel somewhat dream-like but I don't feel it otherwise robbing my thinking. I am definitely wasted in a big way and you'll know first if my thinking shorts out from it but it works as well as it can for me now.
I do continue smoking the ganja since that brings the transcendental aspect to my buzz and this doesn't need any particular pharmacological evaluation since it's simply the way I choose during this phase of my life. So long as my thinking is relatively coherent, it's working and it has been so far.
There's a generally good weather report since the anti-nausea med seems clearly to have been the problem and without it various things, particularly digestive, can find stability. There's no need to describe the unpleasantness since the balance has been working just about right because I changed yesterday to drop the anti-nausea med out of it. Everything seems as much as possible to be steady as she goes.
There is a much bigger item to report since Doc and Queen Bee will be arriving tomorrow and this is spectacular coolness. I had a wonderful visit with Queen Bee only a few days ago but I haven't seen Doc in years so this brings a smashing good vibe.
The vibe really is wonderful since things didn't get all smushy in reminiscence last time and I doubt that will be the flow of it tomorrow. There was a lucky find last time for something I could give Queen Bee which had some meaning and I'm coming up dry so far for Doc but there's still good time for a sudden flash to bring an aha moment.
After the joy from seeing my family, the biggest revelation to me is the pleasure in the giving which is purely untainted. In the normal flow of life there is giving to get which is all over the place and that's a problem to resolve going through life maybe from a boy giving roses. It's a privilege that there's no possibility I will get anything from giving beyond the vibe from doing it. The result isn't that I feel I'm suddenly pure but rather the act of the gift is inherently that way specifically due to the circumstance so it's really not fluff to call it a privilege.
I think but I'm not sure Tinkerbell and Seraphin will be here tomorrow but mostly I ask Yevette with that sort of thing since the piece in me which was once fairly good at tracking things has quit and just hangs around drunk at the racetrack or some such. There's a Definite for Doc and Queen Bee tomorrow and a Hopefully for Tinkerbell and Seraphin.
This keeps humming right along since Seraphin actually makes part of the transition exciting. He introduced himself last evening and he added another article earlier today which together left me beaming with pride. There's very much the metaphor of a flowing river with the Dream Big vibe of Ithaka being that which floats.
Just as Seraphin is becoming as the being he wants to represent himself from down in his deepest guttywuts, so is Ithaka insofar as it was a temporally-frozen entity when any updates stop as soon as I. However, with a transition in this way, Ithaka becomes unstuck in Time and it's not for the satirical purpose Vonnegut gave us but rather the flow from me to Seraphin and then as it will.
Ref: "Slaughterhouse V" by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I really love that notion and, as of last evening, it's in motion. That so completely jams for me.
Much love to you all
There was a question about morphine and the answer is short since it's being taken strictly in accordance with the prescription at 60mg twice per day. The biggest concern with it is I don't want to turn into some dimly-aware cabbage until I just can't hack it without a stronger dose and there won't be any improv with that either.
The morphine is not for me some stoner buzz but rather it's something of a utilitarian presence and moving can feel somewhat dream-like but I don't feel it otherwise robbing my thinking. I am definitely wasted in a big way and you'll know first if my thinking shorts out from it but it works as well as it can for me now.
I do continue smoking the ganja since that brings the transcendental aspect to my buzz and this doesn't need any particular pharmacological evaluation since it's simply the way I choose during this phase of my life. So long as my thinking is relatively coherent, it's working and it has been so far.
There's a generally good weather report since the anti-nausea med seems clearly to have been the problem and without it various things, particularly digestive, can find stability. There's no need to describe the unpleasantness since the balance has been working just about right because I changed yesterday to drop the anti-nausea med out of it. Everything seems as much as possible to be steady as she goes.
There is a much bigger item to report since Doc and Queen Bee will be arriving tomorrow and this is spectacular coolness. I had a wonderful visit with Queen Bee only a few days ago but I haven't seen Doc in years so this brings a smashing good vibe.
The vibe really is wonderful since things didn't get all smushy in reminiscence last time and I doubt that will be the flow of it tomorrow. There was a lucky find last time for something I could give Queen Bee which had some meaning and I'm coming up dry so far for Doc but there's still good time for a sudden flash to bring an aha moment.
After the joy from seeing my family, the biggest revelation to me is the pleasure in the giving which is purely untainted. In the normal flow of life there is giving to get which is all over the place and that's a problem to resolve going through life maybe from a boy giving roses. It's a privilege that there's no possibility I will get anything from giving beyond the vibe from doing it. The result isn't that I feel I'm suddenly pure but rather the act of the gift is inherently that way specifically due to the circumstance so it's really not fluff to call it a privilege.
I think but I'm not sure Tinkerbell and Seraphin will be here tomorrow but mostly I ask Yevette with that sort of thing since the piece in me which was once fairly good at tracking things has quit and just hangs around drunk at the racetrack or some such. There's a Definite for Doc and Queen Bee tomorrow and a Hopefully for Tinkerbell and Seraphin.
This keeps humming right along since Seraphin actually makes part of the transition exciting. He introduced himself last evening and he added another article earlier today which together left me beaming with pride. There's very much the metaphor of a flowing river with the Dream Big vibe of Ithaka being that which floats.
Just as Seraphin is becoming as the being he wants to represent himself from down in his deepest guttywuts, so is Ithaka insofar as it was a temporally-frozen entity when any updates stop as soon as I. However, with a transition in this way, Ithaka becomes unstuck in Time and it's not for the satirical purpose Vonnegut gave us but rather the flow from me to Seraphin and then as it will.
Ref: "Slaughterhouse V" by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
I really love that notion and, as of last evening, it's in motion. That so completely jams for me.
Much love to you all
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