Disclaimer: this is straight-up writing of active lung cancer in me and nothing in the #Blotto set of articles has been written with thoughts of trying to shock or disturb.
Today's #Blotto is extremely unlikely to disturb anyone since, as unusual as it may seem, some parts of dying are wonderful and you know the truth of it when I'm doing it now. If you have trouble wih the idea it's possible, you have the article before you and the interested student may wish to review the five steps which came to us from Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her books on death and dying.
This is a long one but the 'chapters' have intro lines in bold text. It's been a deeply moving day and the article doesn't get maudlin about it; instead it celebrates a wonderful thing. The next part with Stages of Grief may appear deeply maudlin while being Scientific American about it but your payoff is in the Acceptance stage. The remainder of the article takes a much lighter tone but I believe it has the same depth.
Stages of Grief
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:
Denial – The first reaction is denial.
Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals.
Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back."
Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it; I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.
What say, my whining bear buddy, you exercise the magic of the cursor keys on your machine to scroll on down to the next bit with an emphasize hook. You will like it; I'm sure. Really.
Denial in my case was pointless. When a pulmonary surgeon calls it advanced cancer and she has the CT scan to show me, denial is nothing but thick-wittedness.
Anger didn't hold me for much since what point is there in asking, "Why me? Why not someone else. Its's not far!"
Bargaining was senseless since no argument outweighs fifty years or smoking. There's nothing to trade against that for a better deal.
Depression may well dance with me through the course of this but my understanding is the steps don't follow any specific time scale and some may dance in an informal synchronicity with each other. The expression of depression is unclear since I rarely feel depressed but I manifest the symptoms with lethargy and tiredness, etc. Confounding the observation is the fact of being a long-time smoker of the ganja which I regard in strong ways as anti-depressive.
Acceptance is or may be the best when the seemingly impossible becomes real. That comes specifically in the context of Queen Bee's visit and surprises from it which bring truly wonderful things (i.e. my sibs and more). Since I'm exceptionally good at convincing myself other people think I should die in a fire, it simply wasn't fathomable to me that anyone would be interested in coming.
Zen Yogi: and yet they come
It's a truly wonderful thing, mate. As the Eldest I feel a true responsibility for leading them and teaching the way which worked for me. The #Blotto articles are the validation for any reader of them. This is not about religion but rather a deep spiritualism which will not obviate your own religious beliefs.
For instance, Greek Orthodox I'm told is more emphasizing of The Resurrection as the most important knowledge from the Bible while the focus for American Catholics is more on the Crucifixion and Jesus' sacrifice. Those frames of reference are vastly different spiritually since the Greeks look toward Heaven whereas the Americans generally see the desolate site at Golgotha where all was lost for our sins. I know the actual thinking about it but the visual is clearly desperate.
It's not for me to say whether one frame is better than other but it seems the Greek thinking may be less likely to give thoughts of penance when their thinking is of rebirth. I'm told but do not know that Acceptance can be painfully difficult for people and I suggest it's because of the focus on sacrifice and perhaps you did not sacrifice enough to be worthy.
I further suggest your sacrifice was your life and I'm happy to say I lived mine the best I could. My own sacrifices weren't deliberate that much and came in ways I may not have even understood at the time. Just as with John McCain, I made mistakes and some big ones but my fulfillment is if anyone remembers they saw I tried as honorably as I was capable in serving a cause of peace and disarmament.
The visit with Queen Bee was even more wonderful than I had hoped it could be. Now on going back to the real world she can tell the other sibs of her impressions since that should greatly relieve Tinkerbell particularly due to the concern I may conk out at any moment.
I'm sure it was clear to Queen Bee I'm really wasted that's inevitable eating morphine at this rate but I'm sure she also saw that isn't something which talked me into some false reality. It's more than the ganja since there's hallucination now. It's unusual but not disturbing and kind of cool, actually. Queen Bee fired off one-liners once in a while and they need to be acknowledged when they hit such coolness but that came via Eye Language which says without words that was a great one and I liked it.
Zen Yogi: are you going into the Zen of that?
Nah, she knows Living in the Moment and that was it. From that she also sees, yep, he's wasted but he's definitely alive.
There was even some zero-combat talk of politics and I had worried such talk could easily lead to a Big Stink but there was no contentiousness, largely because we agreed on a great many things.
I wrote of the anticipation this morning and that was in part to introduce you to Queen Bee. (Ithaka: The Queen Bee Flies into Fort Worth Today)
There was a clear reminder to myself in the previous article and that was to ask if she likes the name Queen Bee.
Zen Yogi: did you ask her?
Nope as the thought slipped right away. However, I did ask if there might be anything from the legendary Rockhouse library she might like but sci-fi doesn't intrigue her too much. There was one which did and that was "Heredity, Genes, and Chromosomes" by Alex Fraser. It surprised her to find I have it so that book became instantly wonderful for fulfilling what can I possibly give. She has just flown back home with it so yahoo.
Note: she also reminded me of AudioBooks since they can read the story to me when reading has become difficult. She found countless AudioBooks for our Mother and those have great potential so thanks again for an excellent tip.
There may be concerns from the Pilgrims yet to come about it getting overly emotional but we did not get weepy and it wasn't a situation of holding back the tears. Instead it was gezellig insofar as the situation was so cool there was no need to say anything. Both of us saw immediately it would be that way and be cool. There was, as I had hoped, a whole lot more laughing than anything else.
Throughout all this Agent Y was happy and highly excited which are also plendid things to see. She came to me after Queen Bee left and it was to apologize for talking so much. I told her there are no sorries in this round of life's play. I also laughed and acknowledged, yep, you did talk too much. All you need is to slow down a little but that came a great deal from her excitement. She doesn't use any recreational drugs so that was 100% Agent Y ... and quite a bit of her. It was just wonderful seeing all that happiness in her since my situation may well stress her more than I and we know the mantra: death can be easier to do than to observe.
There was yet another surprise from the Queen Bee since I knew already she will return next week with Doc but I didn't know there's a good chance Fluffbear will come as well.
Zen Yogi: wtf?? Who is Fluffbear since I have never heard of him previously on Ithaka?
Not to worry, mate ... he's real.
Zen Yogi: what can possibly be real about a fluffbear? I know many bears but not one of those.
He's my nephew, Yogi. When he was young I called him Fluffbear and I think he called me Stinkfoot.
Zen Yogi: he must have loved being named after a fart!
Well, he liked it much better after he started calling me Stinkfoot so those titles became the greeting names between us.
Zen Yogi: so the rest of the clan is as twisted as you became?
Most assuredly, mate, and you already know how I will greet him if he is able to come.
Queen Bee had already told me Doc will come next time and that was yet more news which is saturated in sunbeams since his health has improved dramatically after his own Dances with the Darkness. She also told me of his eagerness to visit and that brings yet more sunbeams and rainbows. I had no idea of the potential for any of this and yet it suddenly happens.
Zen Yogi: serendipity
Finest kind, mate.
Much love to all you and hopefully you feel it from my words.
Today's #Blotto is extremely unlikely to disturb anyone since, as unusual as it may seem, some parts of dying are wonderful and you know the truth of it when I'm doing it now. If you have trouble wih the idea it's possible, you have the article before you and the interested student may wish to review the five steps which came to us from Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her books on death and dying.
This is a long one but the 'chapters' have intro lines in bold text. It's been a deeply moving day and the article doesn't get maudlin about it; instead it celebrates a wonderful thing. The next part with Stages of Grief may appear deeply maudlin while being Scientific American about it but your payoff is in the Acceptance stage. The remainder of the article takes a much lighter tone but I believe it has the same depth.
Stages of Grief
The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:
Denial – The first reaction is denial.
In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals.
Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?"
Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back."
Or: "If only he'd come back to life, I'd promise to be a better person!"
Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon, so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it; I may as well prepare for it."
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions.
WIKI: Kübler-Ross model
Zen Yogi: that's majorly heavy thinking, Silas, and I don't see a whole lot of wonderful.
Zen Yogi: that's majorly heavy thinking, Silas, and I don't see a whole lot of wonderful.
It is but it will also fulfill the idea of wonderful things happen during the process.
Ref: "Dimensions of Death" by Alex Fraser for a Special Projects in Biology course he was running and I had to have taken it somewhere in the '73-'75 class schedule for graduation.
Zen Yogi: whose schedule?
Mine since it was a triple major (i.e. Biology, Anthropology, and Psychology) which permitted taking almost whichever courses I wanted. That resulted in a hybrid hipster degree for Baby Boomers but every aspect of it has served me well and continues to serve me to this day. Maybe I''m the only one who ever got this type of degree and that's just facetious since there was purpose when I was never thinking of a university education as a way to make money since I saw it as a way to expand my thinking. I'm relatively satisfied I did that but there's always a way to do something just a wee bit better.
There hasn't been any strong reason to consider the steps fully until now but there's no way to forget them. After learning of them, the likely reaction is, well, that makes sense and on you will go with your busy day ... which is exactly what did happen with me.
Zen Yogi: it's extra heavy and it's long too. Sheesh.
What say, my whining bear buddy, you exercise the magic of the cursor keys on your machine to scroll on down to the next bit with an emphasize hook. You will like it; I'm sure. Really.
Denial in my case was pointless. When a pulmonary surgeon calls it advanced cancer and she has the CT scan to show me, denial is nothing but thick-wittedness.
Anger didn't hold me for much since what point is there in asking, "Why me? Why not someone else. Its's not far!"
Bargaining was senseless since no argument outweighs fifty years or smoking. There's nothing to trade against that for a better deal.
Depression may well dance with me through the course of this but my understanding is the steps don't follow any specific time scale and some may dance in an informal synchronicity with each other. The expression of depression is unclear since I rarely feel depressed but I manifest the symptoms with lethargy and tiredness, etc. Confounding the observation is the fact of being a long-time smoker of the ganja which I regard in strong ways as anti-depressive.
Acceptance is or may be the best when the seemingly impossible becomes real. That comes specifically in the context of Queen Bee's visit and surprises from it which bring truly wonderful things (i.e. my sibs and more). Since I'm exceptionally good at convincing myself other people think I should die in a fire, it simply wasn't fathomable to me that anyone would be interested in coming.
Zen Yogi: and yet they come
It's a truly wonderful thing, mate. As the Eldest I feel a true responsibility for leading them and teaching the way which worked for me. The #Blotto articles are the validation for any reader of them. This is not about religion but rather a deep spiritualism which will not obviate your own religious beliefs.
For instance, Greek Orthodox I'm told is more emphasizing of The Resurrection as the most important knowledge from the Bible while the focus for American Catholics is more on the Crucifixion and Jesus' sacrifice. Those frames of reference are vastly different spiritually since the Greeks look toward Heaven whereas the Americans generally see the desolate site at Golgotha where all was lost for our sins. I know the actual thinking about it but the visual is clearly desperate.
It's not for me to say whether one frame is better than other but it seems the Greek thinking may be less likely to give thoughts of penance when their thinking is of rebirth. I'm told but do not know that Acceptance can be painfully difficult for people and I suggest it's because of the focus on sacrifice and perhaps you did not sacrifice enough to be worthy.
I further suggest your sacrifice was your life and I'm happy to say I lived mine the best I could. My own sacrifices weren't deliberate that much and came in ways I may not have even understood at the time. Just as with John McCain, I made mistakes and some big ones but my fulfillment is if anyone remembers they saw I tried as honorably as I was capable in serving a cause of peace and disarmament.
The visit with Queen Bee was even more wonderful than I had hoped it could be. Now on going back to the real world she can tell the other sibs of her impressions since that should greatly relieve Tinkerbell particularly due to the concern I may conk out at any moment.
I'm sure it was clear to Queen Bee I'm really wasted that's inevitable eating morphine at this rate but I'm sure she also saw that isn't something which talked me into some false reality. It's more than the ganja since there's hallucination now. It's unusual but not disturbing and kind of cool, actually. Queen Bee fired off one-liners once in a while and they need to be acknowledged when they hit such coolness but that came via Eye Language which says without words that was a great one and I liked it.
Zen Yogi: are you going into the Zen of that?
Nah, she knows Living in the Moment and that was it. From that she also sees, yep, he's wasted but he's definitely alive.
There was even some zero-combat talk of politics and I had worried such talk could easily lead to a Big Stink but there was no contentiousness, largely because we agreed on a great many things.
I wrote of the anticipation this morning and that was in part to introduce you to Queen Bee. (Ithaka: The Queen Bee Flies into Fort Worth Today)
There was a clear reminder to myself in the previous article and that was to ask if she likes the name Queen Bee.
Zen Yogi: did you ask her?
Nope as the thought slipped right away. However, I did ask if there might be anything from the legendary Rockhouse library she might like but sci-fi doesn't intrigue her too much. There was one which did and that was "Heredity, Genes, and Chromosomes" by Alex Fraser. It surprised her to find I have it so that book became instantly wonderful for fulfilling what can I possibly give. She has just flown back home with it so yahoo.
Note: she also reminded me of AudioBooks since they can read the story to me when reading has become difficult. She found countless AudioBooks for our Mother and those have great potential so thanks again for an excellent tip.
There may be concerns from the Pilgrims yet to come about it getting overly emotional but we did not get weepy and it wasn't a situation of holding back the tears. Instead it was gezellig insofar as the situation was so cool there was no need to say anything. Both of us saw immediately it would be that way and be cool. There was, as I had hoped, a whole lot more laughing than anything else.
Throughout all this Agent Y was happy and highly excited which are also plendid things to see. She came to me after Queen Bee left and it was to apologize for talking so much. I told her there are no sorries in this round of life's play. I also laughed and acknowledged, yep, you did talk too much. All you need is to slow down a little but that came a great deal from her excitement. She doesn't use any recreational drugs so that was 100% Agent Y ... and quite a bit of her. It was just wonderful seeing all that happiness in her since my situation may well stress her more than I and we know the mantra: death can be easier to do than to observe.
There was yet another surprise from the Queen Bee since I knew already she will return next week with Doc but I didn't know there's a good chance Fluffbear will come as well.
Zen Yogi: wtf?? Who is Fluffbear since I have never heard of him previously on Ithaka?
Not to worry, mate ... he's real.
Zen Yogi: what can possibly be real about a fluffbear? I know many bears but not one of those.
He's my nephew, Yogi. When he was young I called him Fluffbear and I think he called me Stinkfoot.
Zen Yogi: he must have loved being named after a fart!
Well, he liked it much better after he started calling me Stinkfoot so those titles became the greeting names between us.
Zen Yogi: so the rest of the clan is as twisted as you became?
Most assuredly, mate, and you already know how I will greet him if he is able to come.
Queen Bee had already told me Doc will come next time and that was yet more news which is saturated in sunbeams since his health has improved dramatically after his own Dances with the Darkness. She also told me of his eagerness to visit and that brings yet more sunbeams and rainbows. I had no idea of the potential for any of this and yet it suddenly happens.
Zen Yogi: serendipity
Finest kind, mate.
Much love to all you and hopefully you feel it from my words.
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