Disclaimer: this is a report of lung cancer in me and for which I have elected to go with hospice rather than aggressive medical treatment. In that respect it may be useful to you since I know definitely of one who is electing for the same passage. Your life is your own to command as you will and so is the way you choose to leave it.
It's been one sodding bitch of a day and that after an evening which was as close to wonderful as things can get in the circumstance. It may have been the anti-anxiety med causing it and that shows high irony but the comedy of it may take a little longer to reveal in a big way although I do see it.
I don't see that itemizing the troubles of day add informational value as I see the most important aspect is the variability but keep in mind the program hasn't even been running for a week yet so it's not realistic to believe it can be as smooth as I would like this early into it.
Improvement came from delaying the start of the daily pill regimen. That game time for things to stabilize and then I restarted the full program with 60mg morphine (60 mg at twice daily) but minus the anti-anxiety med. I'm bringing to this as much compliancy as possible since it will only make the problem worse if I resist. Here's one more plug for being as sure of your faith in whatever form it takes before making such decisions since that will make things easier by long miles.
There's not a cognitive loss to morphine in any noticeable sense beyond typing one word when I had meant another and that seems to go on a sound-alike substitution. I intended to write pill above but instead wrote pilgrim and that happens frequently. I'm not aware of any substantive loss beyond that but perhaps I wouldn't be.
Yevette went out and came back with two surprises.
The first was a cane since walking has become incredibly difficult in a surprisingly short time. The pattern I was taught the last time I needed one is to extend the leg opposite to the cane and to move the cane in concert with it. The other leg closest to cane then moves while the cane stays back. That may sound a little cuckoo but it works the best.
The second thing she found was individual packages of instant mashed potatoes. That made for the closest Ive managed to solid food in a couple of months. There two co-inspirators with this since Mystery Lady suggested it as well. That was a definite win, ladies, as Yevette prepared some for me and the results were only good with nothing of any unpleasant nature to report.
Marijuana is playing only a small as in tiny part of this since consumption is way down relative to normal times. I am smoking some now as I write since it doesn't take much for effect and it comes quickly so let's see what it does.
Zen Yogi: is it working?
Since you're here, Yogi, that's a yes.
Zen Yogi: so the matter isn't pain relief but mood epiphanization?
WTF is that, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: when everything becomes an epiphany!
Sure, mate, that works.
Note: palliative medicine is something I emphasize since it's not generally well-known because this type of doctoring won't cure the malady; it works to make it more tolerable. Morphine does that physically and ganja does it emotionally.
Zen Yogi: the ganja cures bummers!
Sure, my furry bear buddy, but I wouldn't anticipate a call from the Nobel Prize committee for the epiphany. Are you stoned?
Zen Yogi: only on fried chicken, Silas. It must be you.
(smiles contentedly)
Simon leGreedyGreed: what good is this frivolous stoner crap?
It won't seem quite so frivolous when you're in my circumstance and make the choice I have made. The whole point of my choice was based on Quality of Life, to keep life as pleasant and enjoyable for as long as possible.
Simon leGreedyGreed: it's a bloody fake you drew in from the smoked of a cigarette. It's drugged authenticity.
I'm taking half a dozen drugs for palliation for this course of medicine so what point is there in singling out any from the aggregate effect except to reduce the effect overall?
Simon leGreedyGreed: it's a bloody fake and I won't have it
That's your choice to make and you can read my words to find something fake but I doubt you will locate anything substantive. All them are true in a world most would never want to see.
Simon leGreedyGreed: it really is working then?
I believe so and you can reread the last two paragraphs to verify for yourself.
The vibe still looks good for the Pilgrims and their pilgrimage into this strange world. That happens in about a week so I do believe that's realistic. It's a difficult thing for me to do for many of the reasons you see above but, in the legendary words of the Great God Mescalito, "If it were easy it wouldn't be a good trick."
I know it's also difficult for the Pilgrims and Cadillac Man was saying no, no, it's easy. Au contraire mein Fruend, I differ since I've done my share of commercial flying and I suspect the only thing I enjoy doing less is participating in a bridge tournament ... with really bad food ... which bounces periodically. I do appreciate the bitch of it for you, my brothers and sisters, and all of this is the best of things despite coming amidst the worst.
I love you for it and don't get Fraser cynical over that. I don't know any of us ever said that to each other so I'll take a turn before I don't have a turn to take.
It's been one sodding bitch of a day and that after an evening which was as close to wonderful as things can get in the circumstance. It may have been the anti-anxiety med causing it and that shows high irony but the comedy of it may take a little longer to reveal in a big way although I do see it.
I don't see that itemizing the troubles of day add informational value as I see the most important aspect is the variability but keep in mind the program hasn't even been running for a week yet so it's not realistic to believe it can be as smooth as I would like this early into it.
Improvement came from delaying the start of the daily pill regimen. That game time for things to stabilize and then I restarted the full program with 60mg morphine (60 mg at twice daily) but minus the anti-anxiety med. I'm bringing to this as much compliancy as possible since it will only make the problem worse if I resist. Here's one more plug for being as sure of your faith in whatever form it takes before making such decisions since that will make things easier by long miles.
There's not a cognitive loss to morphine in any noticeable sense beyond typing one word when I had meant another and that seems to go on a sound-alike substitution. I intended to write pill above but instead wrote pilgrim and that happens frequently. I'm not aware of any substantive loss beyond that but perhaps I wouldn't be.
Yevette went out and came back with two surprises.
The first was a cane since walking has become incredibly difficult in a surprisingly short time. The pattern I was taught the last time I needed one is to extend the leg opposite to the cane and to move the cane in concert with it. The other leg closest to cane then moves while the cane stays back. That may sound a little cuckoo but it works the best.
The second thing she found was individual packages of instant mashed potatoes. That made for the closest Ive managed to solid food in a couple of months. There two co-inspirators with this since Mystery Lady suggested it as well. That was a definite win, ladies, as Yevette prepared some for me and the results were only good with nothing of any unpleasant nature to report.
Marijuana is playing only a small as in tiny part of this since consumption is way down relative to normal times. I am smoking some now as I write since it doesn't take much for effect and it comes quickly so let's see what it does.
Zen Yogi: is it working?
Since you're here, Yogi, that's a yes.
Zen Yogi: so the matter isn't pain relief but mood epiphanization?
WTF is that, Yogi?
Zen Yogi: when everything becomes an epiphany!
Sure, mate, that works.
Note: palliative medicine is something I emphasize since it's not generally well-known because this type of doctoring won't cure the malady; it works to make it more tolerable. Morphine does that physically and ganja does it emotionally.
Zen Yogi: the ganja cures bummers!
Sure, my furry bear buddy, but I wouldn't anticipate a call from the Nobel Prize committee for the epiphany. Are you stoned?
Zen Yogi: only on fried chicken, Silas. It must be you.
(smiles contentedly)
Simon leGreedyGreed: what good is this frivolous stoner crap?
It won't seem quite so frivolous when you're in my circumstance and make the choice I have made. The whole point of my choice was based on Quality of Life, to keep life as pleasant and enjoyable for as long as possible.
Simon leGreedyGreed: it's a bloody fake you drew in from the smoked of a cigarette. It's drugged authenticity.
I'm taking half a dozen drugs for palliation for this course of medicine so what point is there in singling out any from the aggregate effect except to reduce the effect overall?
Simon leGreedyGreed: it's a bloody fake and I won't have it
That's your choice to make and you can read my words to find something fake but I doubt you will locate anything substantive. All them are true in a world most would never want to see.
Simon leGreedyGreed: it really is working then?
I believe so and you can reread the last two paragraphs to verify for yourself.
The vibe still looks good for the Pilgrims and their pilgrimage into this strange world. That happens in about a week so I do believe that's realistic. It's a difficult thing for me to do for many of the reasons you see above but, in the legendary words of the Great God Mescalito, "If it were easy it wouldn't be a good trick."
I know it's also difficult for the Pilgrims and Cadillac Man was saying no, no, it's easy. Au contraire mein Fruend, I differ since I've done my share of commercial flying and I suspect the only thing I enjoy doing less is participating in a bridge tournament ... with really bad food ... which bounces periodically. I do appreciate the bitch of it for you, my brothers and sisters, and all of this is the best of things despite coming amidst the worst.
I love you for it and don't get Fraser cynical over that. I don't know any of us ever said that to each other so I'll take a turn before I don't have a turn to take.
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