Monday, August 7, 2017

MAZER, America's Fantastic New Equalizer | Press Release from Defcon V Industries

Initial press release from 8/5/17

Research scientists here at Defcon V Industries have developed the Mind Tazer or the MAZER which won't just stun the target.  This miniaturized marvel will help you send so much juice to the target that said target will incinerate in ten seconds or less.  There will be nothing left except smoke and there's no prosecution without a body.  Even if they do prosecute, no-one can tell who did it.

Prior to purchase, we require our customers to sign an agreement that they will never use the MAZER on anyone except mimes and pundits.  They also must promise they won't use it on politicians and we believe them.

Note:  the MAZER is shown in its operating configuration as a globe and also in its storage facility which performs important charging tasks such as enervation of its photonic neural networks.


Size: 1.73 centimeters (diameter) / 2.00 centimeters in storage
Range: 50 meters when the Moon is Full
Recycle time: 4 seconds

Price:  *****

Press release for 8/7/17

Defcon V Industries has decided the best way to ensure world peace with the new technology is not to sell it to the military but rather to give it away ... to Mexicans and black people.  Do expect the manners shown to them by cops to improve like the cops just became British bobbies.

Ed:  there will be a wave of crime like America has never seen!

In fact, there won't since anyone pulling out a sidearm knows he can be smoked in ten seconds or less by anyone who sees him so maybe he ought to put it back in his pocket.

MAZER, the Fantastic American Equalizer

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