Monday, January 23, 2017

"Dante's Peak" - Category: Bad Disaster Movies

There's been dancing around with art today but how about some dancing about with utter rubbish.  "Dante's Peak" doesn't take the title from "World War Z" for the Worst Disaster Movie Which Will Ever Be Made but it's bad.

They must have chopped the cast from the forest because ...

Ed:  the acting was like wood ... ba dum bum.

You have seen it!

Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, and the kids are charming and they do ok but the others are mostly pine trees.


We get the brief Awful Morality Play since the hot young couple go off for some hot springs skinny-dipping and they are just about to get carnal when, yep, they die.  They boil right there in the spring from the start of the volcanic activity.

Divine retribution for such willful sinfulness.

Glory.


The disaster part is satisfyingly destructive and this was before CGI went right around the bend but they do some spectacular stuff with it.  The part with the Smash Everything in Sight looked relatively convincing.


For another determined effort toward the Worst Disaster Movie, the boss who misjudged the call and delayed the evacuation gets croaked while the rest of the team escapes.

More divine retribution.

I'm feeling it now.


In a last predictable effort to shock you in no way whatsoever, Pierce Brosnan predicted the eruption correctly and he even saves the dog.  He and Linda Hamilton now go off to live happily ever after.

Gad.

And you thought you couldn't write Hollywood movies.


Get cracking, mates.  I'm sure you have it in you.


Wrap the new Worst Disaster Movie around the Japanese tidal wave and their nuke melt since there's free video all over the place. Instead of a meltdown, blow those reactors to the Moon with CGI.  The shock wave goes through Tokyo and levels it just like the old B&W Japanese monster movies.

Add in a love story in which our hero finds his undying love interest but then it's Romeo and Juliet when the nukes blow and they get fried.  So tragic.

Ed:  you're such a romantic!

I can't help it.  I think it's in my blood.

Ed:  but what's the inner essence of this movie; what is its rapport with the oneness?

What essence?  Tidal waves happen.

Ed:  I see the beautiful art of nihilism of such a fatalistic view of the inevitability of catastrophe.

Well, no, the giant turtle on which the world rests was just crossing a gigantic highway, larger than we can possibly imagine.  That makes earthquakes and tidal waves.  It can't be helped; he's looking for love.

Note:  there is a Far East Indian (I think) belief the world does rest on the back of a giant turtle.

No comments: