The glorious comedy of the Silas Colonoscopy has already been reviewed but I'm still revealing in the post-colonoscopy time, otherwise known as the Time of Engorgement. After two days with nothing of any substance, engorging myself now feels just fine. (Ithaka: A Beacon in the Annals of Alimentary Illumination: the Silas Colonoscopy)
The whole deal in the preparation for a colonoscopy is don't do anything which would give them reason to wave you off to start over for another go on another day. After the Manchurian Water Treatment, a wave off must be avoided using any practical measures. If that means drinking the Atlantic Ocean then fuckin' drink it.
Ed: why the reference to the Atlantic Ocean?
The fluid is bland with a slight salty taste and is about as awful as a drink can get. It's the type of beverage to give to a suicidal person when you're tired of his bitching.
Drink a gallon of that ... quickly.
Ed: you must not be suicidal!
Apparently not after that.
The reason for a second comment is this time was different from any previous procedure of that nature since those required a Fleet enema but that doesn't happen until the night before the show. That was an unpleasant procedure but it was over relatively quickly so, ok, I can hack it. The new-and-improved added the whole first day since my understanding was no chow on Day One or Day Two.
I didn't have anything but some Seven-Up on Sunday and that's probably the most worthless drink in the world since it's suitable only for serving alcohol to sissies who never should have been drinking it in the first place. An even worse example is putting whisky in Coke as hearing of that abomination will make any mountain man cry.
Ed: and nothin' to eat?
Negatory on nutrition, Tony Tiger.
I don't need much but I do need something and 7-Up was just insulting ... but I did that to myself since I'm the one who fetched it.
There was one surprise since there was a question of when was the last time I used illegal drugs. There was no question about when I last took legal drugs in an illegal state so I assumed the first question meant me and I answered with 'periodic marijuana.'
Ed: you know they read that to mean 'stoned constantly,' right?
Sure, that's why I write it. They didn't say anything and I assume the question means they want to confront anyone using narcotics.
Ed: wouldn't someone like that lie?
Not if he wants to get clean.
Ed: do you want to get clean?
Nope ... but I don't use narcotics anyway.
Ed: are you smoking it now?
You mean while I'm typing?
This is the glorious day after in which I don't have to do anything and I fuckin' won't except stuff my face just because I can and I will drink Pepsi just because I can and who's going to say I'm wrong since I ain't got no polyps.
Ed: if this breaks to the I Ain't Got No Polyps Blues, I'm getting my gun!
Oh, right. There you go pouring Niagara Falls to drown my vulnerable soul again to wash away all the joy in the Universe.
The whole deal in the preparation for a colonoscopy is don't do anything which would give them reason to wave you off to start over for another go on another day. After the Manchurian Water Treatment, a wave off must be avoided using any practical measures. If that means drinking the Atlantic Ocean then fuckin' drink it.
Ed: why the reference to the Atlantic Ocean?
The fluid is bland with a slight salty taste and is about as awful as a drink can get. It's the type of beverage to give to a suicidal person when you're tired of his bitching.
Drink a gallon of that ... quickly.
Ed: you must not be suicidal!
Apparently not after that.
The reason for a second comment is this time was different from any previous procedure of that nature since those required a Fleet enema but that doesn't happen until the night before the show. That was an unpleasant procedure but it was over relatively quickly so, ok, I can hack it. The new-and-improved added the whole first day since my understanding was no chow on Day One or Day Two.
I didn't have anything but some Seven-Up on Sunday and that's probably the most worthless drink in the world since it's suitable only for serving alcohol to sissies who never should have been drinking it in the first place. An even worse example is putting whisky in Coke as hearing of that abomination will make any mountain man cry.
Ed: and nothin' to eat?
Negatory on nutrition, Tony Tiger.
I don't need much but I do need something and 7-Up was just insulting ... but I did that to myself since I'm the one who fetched it.
There was one surprise since there was a question of when was the last time I used illegal drugs. There was no question about when I last took legal drugs in an illegal state so I assumed the first question meant me and I answered with 'periodic marijuana.'
Ed: you know they read that to mean 'stoned constantly,' right?
Sure, that's why I write it. They didn't say anything and I assume the question means they want to confront anyone using narcotics.
Ed: wouldn't someone like that lie?
Not if he wants to get clean.
Ed: do you want to get clean?
Nope ... but I don't use narcotics anyway.
Ed: are you smoking it now?
You mean while I'm typing?
This is the glorious day after in which I don't have to do anything and I fuckin' won't except stuff my face just because I can and I will drink Pepsi just because I can and who's going to say I'm wrong since I ain't got no polyps.
Ed: if this breaks to the I Ain't Got No Polyps Blues, I'm getting my gun!
Oh, right. There you go pouring Niagara Falls to drown my vulnerable soul again to wash away all the joy in the Universe.
No comments:
Post a Comment