Sunday, September 20, 2015

About the Crew of My Ship Joining the Foreign Legion

There had to have been a battle about this as I thought mostly criminals join the Foreign Legion.  That doesn't seem like such a good vacation destination.  My crew was all pirates so they really were criminals but that's no reason to join the Foreign Legion.  On the street there are women.  With the Foreign Legion you get camels.

(Ed:  they never tell the new recruits you're supposed to ride the camel to town)

Yah, those Foreign Legion guys are real cards.


Today it becomes more clear as I didn't see any way in the world the new captain of the ship would permit a crew of perfectly good pirates to be turned over to the Foreign Legion to make a love connection with a camel.

Fortunately, this is not Talk Like a Pirate Day, probably the only scourge larger on pirate ships is Monty Python.  You never, ever want to see pirates doing Monty Python.  It would be like the Village People doing "Greensleeves."  This is just wrong.

Cheerfully, most of the pirates remain pirates except for some who jumped ship in the islands to try their luck with real estate, buying it or stealing it ... wtf ... they're pirates.

It seemed my ex-pirate vessel was out-numbered and out-gunned but they didn't count on pirate treachery.  The most delicious surprise to bring to the treacherous is treachery as nothing surprises them more.


Kidnapping the princess was a nice touch.  We're sure her maidenly virtue is protected by the virtue of Pirate Law.

(Ed:  which is?)

She was a woman by daybreak.

(Ed:  the King will kill them for that)

The King wants to kill them anyway.  They have a devious plan as the King will send his ships after them but they're not fast enough to make up the lead my ex-ship has got.  They're going to disappear for long enough for the princess to fall crazy in love with the incredibly good-looking pirate who looks remarkably like Johnny Depp and they will make pirate babies.

Next they will go back and the princess will be remarkably rescued with her pirate babies.

(Ed:  the King will have them killed.)

No chance as the princess will kill him and become Queen.

(Ed:  her mother, the Queen, would kill her)

That can't happen as she was eaten by a dragon a few years ago.  The princess is the sole heir to the throne.

(Ed:  the King kills them and makes it look like someone else did it)

She still kills him and then the pirates find the others to put them off the gangplank as well.

(Ed:  the King finds the Johnny Depp-looking guy and kills him)

Can't do that either as he's the Baby Daddy to the future King.  Plus the princess will kill him.

Looks like the new captain has a (cough) mate on the move.


(Wolf Blitzer:  is this some kind of code)

You're a fuckin' genius, Wolf.  How do you like camels?

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