Monday, November 21, 2016

The Ten States Which Smoke the Most of the Ganja

No matter what happens in America, it has to have a biggest and a smallest because these people seem obsessed with numbers.  (MassRoots:  Top 10 States that Smoke the Most Marijuana)

Mescalito:  the stoners aren't obsessed with numbers because they're intelligent enough to get computers and learn how to use them so they don't have to screw around with numbers.

Fair enough, Great God Mescalito.  By the way, do you know the time?

Mescalito:  who cares?

It's just another number and so arbitrary, right?


Counting up to the top, here are the Ten Top Stoner States:

New Mexico
New Hampshire
Massachussetts
Rhode Island
Maine
Washington
Alaska
Vermont
Oregon
(drum roll)
#1 is Colorado

Congratulations, Colorado, on that big win and for the latest effort to legalize blowing grass in bars.  That was an excellent touch since drunkies are such a boring drag.  They either sit about trying to seem sophisticated or they never fucking stop laughing even when nothing is all that funny.  They're deuced annoying, that lot, and not at all suitable for a good time.

By the way, where was all this ganja when I was up in Rhode Island / Massachusetts.  The only way I got any ganja into the state was via various extralegal means such as the Post Office or UPS and it took years before that was happening.  I would be telling people, ela, ela, go ahead and mail it as you're not even the one who would get busted.

Note:  in fifty years of watching and participating in the War on Drugs, I have never been busted.

Ed:  how did you fight it?

I'm not a fighter, man; I'm a stoner doing my bit for the cause.

Ed:  such a patriot!

Too right, mate.




Note:  in case you think DEVO was crap, they weren't but here's an offering from the musical wisdom of our parents.


Yah, right ...


Right away, we don't believe the ganja election.  Colorado seriously smoked more reefer than California??

Mescalito:  the vote should probably be recounted, huh?

It's the damn Ganja Electoral College, mate.  It ensures representation by the small marijuana states to undermine the vote of the big ones.  If you get enough small stoner states then it doesn't matter what happens in the big ones.

Mescalito:    Those rapscallions, those varlets, those wretched scoundrels in Colorado stole the election then!

Indeed they did and now they're going to reverse the positions they have ever taken on everything they ever have ever done.  No more skiing, no more high-altitude golf for those too boring to ski, and no more cocaine for everyone else who is too boring for anything at all.

Mescalito:  what about the straight people in Colorado?

Most of them are playing Pokemon Go.  We don't know why; we don't care; we're just glad we don't have to do it too.

Y'all can try to fix the election but, down here in Fort Worth, we'll be tokin' to bring up the ganja numbers for Texas.  After one tok, I already feel the elevator rising so I'm highly confident of a grand buzz even before finishing the article.

Amazingly, the article is now finished.  Va-va-voom.

2 comments:

Laughing Gecko said...

I'm surprised Hawaii isn't higher on this list (no pun intended) as everyone here has a lax attitude towards it.
And you're right Devo was a good band. I saw this tour in Petaluma, Ca. (Chicken country!) around 1980. I won tickets from a local radio station that included a whole Devo outfit of hat, tyvek jumpsuit, etc. I used to play the radio all day while printing T-shirts and had the radio stations phone number on speed dial. I won so many tickets the DJ's got to know me, haha. Devo had the crowd bouncing off the walls that night, most of whom seemed to be teen girls. Wish I still had the outfit as that would be quite the valuable collectible now. Good times!

Unknown said...

There was something crazy like that with The Beachboys as I saw them many years after the beach movie period and it was the same situation with young girls and they were screaming, standing on their chairs, and going more nuts than I ever saw from a crowd before. I still don't understand who they were since maybe they weren't even born yet when the band was big.